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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Prom - he’s upset he’s going to miss it!

395 replies

RochfordRuby · 21/10/2024 12:48

Help! We’ve booked a holiday for next Summer and just found out the yr 11 school prom is when we’re away. Son is so upset he’s going to miss it. Inconsolable. Can’t move the holiday as it’s all booked but don’t know what to say to try and appease him. Advice please

OP posts:
TheGirlFromTheSummerBefore · 21/10/2024 15:59

I'm not a fan of the 'Americanism' of Britain and our culture but for the prom. I think it's a great idea. I just wish it wasn't called a prom is all.

Apollo365 · 21/10/2024 16:00

RochfordRuby · 21/10/2024 14:40

Can’t move the holiday - there are 12 people going for a 50th wedding anniversary celebration. Whatever we do, someone ends up upset!

OP you haven’t said if flying/driving/same country etc etc. Could he catch a train to join you later? Or stay with friends?

MayaKovskaya · 21/10/2024 16:01

TheGirlFromTheSummerBefore · 21/10/2024 15:59

I'm not a fan of the 'Americanism' of Britain and our culture but for the prom. I think it's a great idea. I just wish it wasn't called a prom is all.

Some schools call it "Leavers' Party"

RechargeableGnu · 21/10/2024 16:02

Is he staying on at Sixth Form? There will be one in Year 13 I would expect.

BrieHugger · 21/10/2024 16:02

MayaKovskaya · 21/10/2024 16:01

Some schools call it "Leavers' Party"

Show quote history

Exactly. Same thing. Shame some stupid people can’t see past the word prom!!

anicecuppateaa · 21/10/2024 16:04

I remember missing both the leavers week in year 6 and was going to miss the Y13 prom, due to family holidays. I didn’t go on the Y13 holiday in the end because I didn’t want to miss out. I would give your son the choice, although it doesn’t seem like a very fair choice for him to have to make. I would be seeing if the other 12 people can shift things back a week….

Mirrrors · 21/10/2024 16:09

LlynTegid · 21/10/2024 15:49

Probably a good job I am not a relative. A golden wedding anniversary is something to be celebrated, a prom is an awful tradition and were I education secretary no school could ever be an outstanding one if they hold such an event. I'd feel a sense of failure over not having instilled a sense of perspective.

Why is it an awful tradition?

BattedAnEyebrow · 21/10/2024 16:09

TalesOfTheGoldMonkey · 21/10/2024 15:57

I’m afraid I’d be putting my son ahead of a 50th anniversary. I’d tell granny and grandad that he won’t be there, and then work out how best to accommodate him. It really is a big thing for them, and mine had a wonderful time at theirs. And I loved seeing them all glammed up.

Me too. I was quite surprised that my dd wanted to go but I was pleased that she did. She had such a great time.

Openup · 21/10/2024 16:09

He must be allowed to go to his Prom, even if he has to stay with a friend and fly out to meet you all later. I can’t believe that anyone would think it would be acceptable for him to miss it!

MayaKovskaya · 21/10/2024 16:10

BrieHugger · 21/10/2024 16:02

Exactly. Same thing. Shame some stupid people can’t see past the word prom!!

Show quote history

😂

MayaKovskaya · 21/10/2024 16:11

RechargeableGnu · 21/10/2024 16:02

Is he staying on at Sixth Form? There will be one in Year 13 I would expect.

Not the same, and not the same people.

Xiaoxiong · 21/10/2024 16:12

I think the 50th anniversary couple would completely understand if the 16 year old didn't come, or came a day late or whatever. In my experience, most people who have been around that long have a keen appreciation of young people doing their thing and living their own lives.

loulouljh · 21/10/2024 16:14

We found as well as prom, the 6th form colleges had their transition days around that time too.....

cestlavielife · 21/10/2024 16:15

He can join you later or leave the holiday earlier

Motcouk · 21/10/2024 16:16

Tell him that school proms are a ghastly American import and that he'll thank you one day for declining to dilute British national character with upstart US practices!
Well it's worth a try at least! 😎

Pipsquiggle · 21/10/2024 16:18

Can he stay behind and get later flights?

Really @RochfordRuby this should have been factored in. The prom is a huge event for all teenagers. Poor planning on whoever organised the holiday and you agreeing to it.

DeliciousApples · 21/10/2024 16:20

What date is the actual party on?
What date is the prom on?
If not the save date move flights.

I'd necessary, cite the GCSE Contingency day for exams.

He flies out later with a parent or guardian to join party.
Job done. Everyone happy.

Bluevelvetsofa · 21/10/2024 16:22

Presumably, his grandparents are the ones who are celebrating the 50th anniversary. Thats an achievement and should be celebrated, but not at the expense of a boy to whom that event will mean very little, quite rightly, whilst the prom- the only one he’ll have, means a great deal to him.

OP, you must do whatever you can to make it possible for him to go to his prom. If you don’t, he’ll be resentful and won’t enjoy the holiday anyway, wherever it is. If he stays on at school, there will be the reminders of what he missed and if he goes to college, there will be tales of proms from different schools.

pinkroses79 · 21/10/2024 16:22

This happened to us. My son missed the beginning of the holiday and he flew out alone and we met him at the airport. We just had to pay a small amount to change his flight.

ExquisiteIyDecorated · 21/10/2024 16:22

Quite a few people are assuming that because the holiday is for a 50th anniversary it will be boring for teenagers, that is a big assumption, there may well be cousins the same age and a holiday like a cruise which suits all generations (but you can't join a day late or nip home halfway through). The GPs might be paying for it all so it would be a huge ask to change it. The OP hasn't said why it can't be changed apart from cost but the DS might not want to miss this holiday either or it might not be appropriate for him to be left at home for two weeks while eg the family are all cruising round the Caribbean.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 21/10/2024 16:23

RochfordRuby · 21/10/2024 14:40

Can’t move the holiday - there are 12 people going for a 50th wedding anniversary celebration. Whatever we do, someone ends up upset!

To be honest, I would not force a 16yo to go away for someone else's wedding anniversary. I would also check the dates carefully with the school- if he is doing any BTEC subjects, he may need to be around until the start of July.

I appreciate it's difficult to get 12 people free at the same time, but I'd have hoped they would check dates for important clashes for your 16yo.

If he is someone who sees prom as important, then it's a major life event for him. Not every child wants to go to prom, but if he does, I'd do everything I could to facilitate it for him!

Thisismetooaswell · 21/10/2024 16:23

I'm sure he won't be the only one. Our school doesn't even have a yr 11 prom. Will there be one in yr 13?

Hesma · 21/10/2024 16:24

I’d say you’ve got your priorities totally wrong and that you need a serious rethink!

wildthingsinthenight · 21/10/2024 16:24

He has to go to his prom. 100%!
Do not be the reason he misses it
You need to sort something out for him.
Poor lad
Why on earth didn't you check?

Gogogo12345 · 21/10/2024 16:25

Snoken · 21/10/2024 13:26

I'd rather he missed a holiday than his prom. Just let him stay at home. Although, as a parent I also would have wanted to be there for that. It's kind of a milestone whereas a holiday is less important.

Why would you want to be there for a prom? DS didn't have one2020 GCSEs year) but DDs just went round a mates house and a big group of girls got together to get ready and limo collected them from there. Not sure my presence was required