Prom - he’s upset he’s going to miss it!

[RochfordRuby]

Help! We’ve booked a holiday for next Summer and just found out the yr 11 school prom is when we’re away. Son is so upset he’s going to miss it. Inconsolable. Can’t move the holiday as it’s all booked but don’t know what to say to try and appease him. Advice please

Who else ends up upset if your son goes to prom? I can't imagine anyone being so selfish as to insist a teen attendance a 50th wedding celebration rather than their own prom!

Your son is your priority.

Don't take this memory away from him because of your own incompetence.

You need to find a way for him to attend, it was your mistake that caused this

There's no way you should make him attend the holiday. That's really horrible and it will massively impact your relationship. Let him stay at home. You're quite daft to have booked this without checking!

When during the holiday is Prom?

Whose wedding anniversary is it? Surely they'd understand.

On this one you need to prioritise your son.

Well he will have to stay at home then with a friend/parent.

What date are you leaving?

It’s obviously not your son’s 50th anniversary. Why does he need to go? I’d be surprised if you and his dad have been married 50 years, so it’s not yours either. Move the holiday. Go after prom or come back before prom.

I have a feeling OP is just going to force him to miss prom.

Poor lad :(

In this situation I would be cancelling the holiday and telling whoever anniversary it is tough.

They've had 49 other wedding anniversaries.

He gets ONE prom.

As others have said, are you also missing GCSE contingency day? This is a (small) risk and if you are, it's another reason to move the holiday or at least move the dates DS is away so he can attend prom.

Surely the grandparents will understand that finishing school, going to the prom and being there for GCSE contingency takes priority? It's a shame about the holiday and the anniversary, but it would be far worse and far more damaging to try to force him to come. The misery of having a devastated teen torturing themselves about what they're missing would definitely ruin the celebrations anyway - there is just no point trying to make this happen.

Have you checked when his last exams are, this summer my son had this last exam , the contingency day which is a National day for un foreseen exam issues, his prom and celebration / leavers assembly all in the same week. Is the holiday in the UK can he not come home or join you later?

Older one wouldn't have gone for anything, hated the idea of it. Younger one was planning her outfit from the beginning of year 11. I purposefully waited until prom date was announced before booking a holiday that year.

Guessing your mum/mil and dh if 50th wa

How long are you away and cant he fly out before /after

You’ve messed up and need to think of ways to fix it. Poor lad, imagine making him go to granny’s anniversary instead of the pinnacle event of his five years of high school.

I’m just surprised that so many posters see them as a big deal to be honest as I have no experience of them myself.

Because they are a big deal nowadays. Prom is huge. It's talked about and planned for from before Christmas in year 11. It's all about the dresses and the suits and the transport and seeing everyone you've been at school with for the last 5 years in a totally different setting to what you're used to. Half the teachers go too, to say goodbye to the students.

Can you just move his flight? If the prom is at the start of the holiday? Can he stay with friends and miss the holiday?

Prom is a huge deal - it was when I was at school and it seems even more so now!

Agree. A holiday for a wedding anniversary- is that a thing?!

@RochfordRuby you have checked and avoided contingency day haven’t you?

Miss the holiday. Your son takes precedence. You need to be around too for the build up. It’s so fun.

Unfortunately this should have been factored in. If holiday can't be moved he should be given the option to miss the holiday or miss part depending on logistics and length of said holiday.

This is a good point: my DD's last exam was the day before prom. Think this is a cock-up all round.

I would also make the point that this year’s Year 11’s also all missed out on their ‘end of year 6/end of primary’ events due to COVID, so would be an awful shame for your son to also miss out on this rite of passage.
and to the person who clearly doesn’t get it - surely you can appreciate that your view is quite specific to you (and your son), & the vast majority of 16 year olds really do care. It’s a milestone event for them. Obviously some don’t care - but for the kids that do it would be horrible to have to miss out.

And I say this btw as the parent of dcs who decided not to bother going!

If you can't/won't miss the holiday, is there something else you can do to make it up to him?
Throw a party for him and friends before/after your holiday? Give him some money to take a group of friends out for a meal? Arrange a camping trip with friends (that you will supervise)?
Not the same as prom, so I guess you need to find out what he is most upset about and see if that can be recreated in any way. Is he staying on for Sixth Form? (Make sure you don't miss the sixth form prom/grad ball...)