Page 16 | Prom - he’s upset he’s going to miss it!

TheaBrandt · 23/10/2024 13:51

Not round here. Dont know of a single teen that didn’t go. But it’s very inclusive here and an event for everyone to get together to celebrate the end of school. There’s a lot of dispersal post gcse as students go off to do all sorts - different schools sixth forms / college/ dance school etc. So it’s a real goodbye event for this cohort.

JFDIYOLO · 23/10/2024 13:52

You have the luxury of time between now and prom.

In that time you're going to need to see evidence that he's responsible and careful.

Can cook proper meals, not leave the gas on, clean kitchen & bathroom, be vigilant about locking windows and doors and absolutely NOT see you being away as the chance to throw a party.

This is him given the chance to prove himself, to learn and develop and build life skills. Could be the making of him.

Instead of making him resent you and regret missing out.

Incidentally, you can't physically force him onto a plane etc - so what if he simply says 'no - I'm not going'?! What then?

TheaBrandt · 23/10/2024 13:55

Also don’t get the bitchy comments about what to wear. Several girls wore mens suits several wore old dresses of their mums. This generation seem much more eclectic and less judgy in their style.

Gogogo12345 · 23/10/2024 14:16

TheaBrandt · 23/10/2024 13:51

Not round here. Dont know of a single teen that didn’t go. But it’s very inclusive here and an event for everyone to get together to celebrate the end of school. There’s a lot of dispersal post gcse as students go off to do all sorts - different schools sixth forms / college/ dance school etc. So it’s a real goodbye event for this cohort.

Surprised they could all afford it. Think the base ticket price was £65 not including any drinks ( non alcoholic obviously) after the meal. Then the clothes , hair, cars etc. Not a cheap night out.

TheaBrandt · 23/10/2024 14:58

Our school (state) kept the cost down. No meal it was a disco at a local hotel. Think ticket was £15. No-one hired a limo etc. cringe.

But this is a family that’s flying 12 people on holiday just for an anniversary so don’t think cost is an issue!

Pipsquiggle · 23/10/2024 18:22

MrsAvocet · 23/10/2024 12:04

I never said otherwise. I'm just responding to a PP who was claiming that there isn't a single teen alive who would rather spend time with their family than go to a Prom. That's clearly nonsense. There are plenty of teens who don't like big social events, have other more pressing things to do, or frankly, think Prom is pretty naff. There's a ridiculous amount of hyperbole on this thread about just how important Prom is. I know lots of teens not only through my own children but also through volunteering that I do and whilst most of them do attend and enjoy their Proms a significant minority don't, and hardly any of them seem to see it as some kind of really major life event, just a nice end of term party. But you'd think to read some of the posts on here that every kid's life is ruined forever if they don't go.
And lots of families hold celebratory events which are fun. The OP has given us next to no information about the holiday - it might be a dull week sipping tea with elderly relatives but equally it could be a brilliant trip to a really nice resort with a bunch of similarly aged cousins, we simply don't know. People are just making stuff up to fill in the gaps and for some reason almost invariably opting for the worst case scenario. The anniversary couple have been accused of being demanding and entitled as well as boring, and we know absolutely nothing about them. They might not even be the instigators of the trip. I think that's completely unfair.

In the OP's shoes I'd probably be looking for some kind of compromise to allow the lad to participate in at least part of both, as indeed I did with my own son when my PILs diamond wedding anniversary clashed with a big sports event for him. But I'd simultaneously be encouraging him not to catastrophise over what, in the great scheme of things, is a fairly minor bump in the road.

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@MrsAvocet we both agree that @RochfordRuby should try to get her DS to the prom and try to get him to the holiday if this is possible.

Disagree that a 'significant minority' don't go to prom. There literally maybe 1 or 2 people that don't attend in a year group but that's it. I can't remember anyone not attending in our year group.

I would bet my pension that virtually all 16 year olds would rather go to a party with their whole year group than go to a family party with 11 other people.

Pipsquiggle · 23/10/2024 18:29

@sharpclawedkitten
I bet everyone didn't go, and I bet there was a decent amount of bitchiness towards some of those who went, as well. They are not universally adored especially if you don't really know what to wear etc.

Do you know what, maybe a few people out of the 150 year group didn't go - but I would bet circa 145 did.
Not sure what you are getting at with the 'bitchiness' comment. I just remember being happy after working hard for my exams, dancing with my friends and saying goodbye to people.

MrsAvocet · 23/10/2024 19:08

Disagree that a 'significant minority' don't go to prom. There literally maybe 1 or 2 people that don't attend in a year group but that's it. I can't remember anyone not attending in our year group.
In your experience. Why is it so hard to believe that others have different experiences?

I've just asked my DS how many of his year group went to Prom and he reckons probably about 75- 80% of the year went in Year 13. He didn't go in Year 11 but thinks more people went to that, certainly nothing like the whole year group though.
Quite a few of the kids at the club I help run don't go either, especially the boys.

TheaBrandt · 23/10/2024 20:14

Exception that proves the rule

Pipsquiggle · 24/10/2024 07:21

MrsAvocet · 23/10/2024 19:08

Disagree that a 'significant minority' don't go to prom. There literally maybe 1 or 2 people that don't attend in a year group but that's it. I can't remember anyone not attending in our year group.
In your experience. Why is it so hard to believe that others have different experiences?

I've just asked my DS how many of his year group went to Prom and he reckons probably about 75- 80% of the year went in Year 13. He didn't go in Year 11 but thinks more people went to that, certainly nothing like the whole year group though.
Quite a few of the kids at the club I help run don't go either, especially the boys.

Well done, you have proved that prom is not attended by everyone at your DS's school and it isn't a big deal to your DC and their mates. Great 🙄

I am well aware that people have different experiences - please take you own advice. Most of the posters on this thread do think prom is a big deal to 16 year olds and most would prefer to go to that than a family party. I don't think anything I have written is actually that contentious. Unfortunately as @RochfordRuby hasn't been back with any salient information we can't help her sort out her planning.

TheaBrandt · 24/10/2024 08:23

Although actually it’s irrelevant if someone else’s teen prefers macrame- the ops son is in her words “inconsolable” about missing it so it’s a moot point.

JFDIYOLO · 24/10/2024 10:04

Son is so upset he’s going to miss it. Inconsolable. Can’t move the holiday as it’s all booked but don’t know what to say to try and appease him

So can we stop the irrelevant wittering about how eight out of ten cats said their teens don't want to go to prom?? It's DERAILING the thread.

The poor kid wants to go.

He's inconsolable.

The OP has said he's going to miss it.

That's the issue here. That the OP is wrong for making him miss it, as if that's a done deal.

So OP - what have you decided?

Best option - you go, he stays, he goes to prom. He sends pics of him dressed up with friends to the family gathering. Happy kid, happy family.

BattedAnEyebrow · 24/10/2024 12:07

So can we stop the irrelevant wittering about how eight out of ten cats said their teens don't want to go to prom?? It's DERAILING the thread.

Well said.

NoTouch · 24/10/2024 12:25

So can we stop the irrelevant wittering about how eight out of ten cats said their teens don't want to go to prom?? It's DERAILING the thread.

tbf the original question on the thread is irrelevant now as after 3 days the OP very likely isn't coming back. She has got the point, most are suggesting she do what she can to get the lad to his prom even if it is inconvenient or costly.

Hopefully she did reflect on how important it is and he does gets to go.

TheaBrandt · 24/10/2024 12:48

I’ve found on several occasions when parenting teens that my first approach is totally wrong.

Ginseng1 · 24/10/2024 13:42

I think she was looking for consolation rather than she should get him there!. My brother had to fly back early with my nephew for prom as they made this mistake. It's a huge deal in a kid's life (for most) I'd be getting him there somehow.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/10/2024 16:24

Consolation ain't gonna fix it

But

There are solutions to be found

It would help if op came back to give dates of prom and holiday booked

We assume that it's abroad and flights but equally could be a cruise or uk

Flights would be more hassle due to cost but has to be worth it

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 26/10/2024 04:20

Ginseng1 · 24/10/2024 13:42

I think she was looking for consolation rather than she should get him there!. My brother had to fly back early with my nephew for prom as they made this mistake. It's a huge deal in a kid's life (for most) I'd be getting him there somehow.

I agree. I think she was looking for validation to tell her DS. "You'll have to miss prom because we made other plans. No more talk and stop being upset."
She did not get that response from 90%+ of posters.

Redcrayons · 26/10/2024 10:12

TheaBrandt · 24/10/2024 12:48

I’ve found on several occasions when parenting teens that my first approach is totally wrong.

It’s a tricky transition from younger DCs who go along with whatever you say to teens who have opinions on stuff and suddenly don’t like something they’ve loved for years.

TheaBrandt · 26/10/2024 11:09

Parenting teens is a totally different skill set. You can’t battle on as if you are still in the finger painting and mummy has total control stage - you are not.