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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Prom - he’s upset he’s going to miss it!

395 replies

RochfordRuby · 21/10/2024 12:48

Help! We’ve booked a holiday for next Summer and just found out the yr 11 school prom is when we’re away. Son is so upset he’s going to miss it. Inconsolable. Can’t move the holiday as it’s all booked but don’t know what to say to try and appease him. Advice please

OP posts:
thatwasthen81 · 21/10/2024 19:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 19:27

Also if you force him that will massively backfire. As we learned taking a 14 year old away in October half term so she missed Halloween. We tried to scoff and say it wasn’t important we were in the south of France! But it was important - to her. Never made
that mistake again.

A trip with a person gutted they are there and longing to be at home with their mates is actually a pretty miserable experience for all concerned.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/10/2024 19:29

Can't seem tag op. Her names gone

Is there any reason why he can't fly home alone or fly out alone before /after the prom depending what dates you go /come back

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 19:32

They can fly unaccompanied as long as
they are 16.

AngryBookworm · 21/10/2024 19:32

I would absolutely let him stay home. Surely this holiday celebration is on a particular day (of the anniversary) - is it the exact same day of the prom? As others have said he'll be horrendous company (justified in my book) anyway. Can't he fly out and join you after the prom, or fly back early (with one of his parents if required)?

clary · 21/10/2024 19:33

Hi @RochfordRuby I agree with others, since prom is important to him, it would be good if you could make it possible.

You say you were looking for helpful advice and tbh you have had quite a bit of that.

Can you tell us when the prom is, how far into the holiday, whereabouts the holiday is? If it is at the start or the end, or the holiday is not very far away, it would be more workable.

I think people saying "prom is always on xyz date" are not being fair. IME proms can be on a variety of dates – some schools local to me have prom in May! But I agree, often prom is at the very end of June or the start of July – for those who don’t know and want to.

FWIW my DC were not all super enthusiastic about prom – but your son is so I think you need to make it happen.

Waitformetoarrive · 21/10/2024 19:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You are being pedantic, you know what Lulubellamozarella is saying.

thatwasthen81 · 21/10/2024 19:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GingersOwner26 · 21/10/2024 19:45

Do the anniversary couple actually know there’s an issue? They might be okay with your son going to his prom instead and not want to be the cause of him missing out.

While it wasn’t quite the same I remember planning a post A level holiday with friends. While there had been a vague plan for my aunt and cousins on Dad’s side to come over to the UK in “summer 2000” for some anniversary on her late husband’s side of the family, and getting together with my grandparents while they were over which I had thought I would be going to, for a long time I didn’t know any definite dates. A week after committing to the trip with my friends, I found out the relatives were getting together the same dates.

I had been nervous and thought it would go down badly with my family. Mum said it should be my decision but was fine with it being the holiday. As it turned out, my grandparents encouraged me to go with my friends and said afterwards that having one less person there was easier!

TheTrainNowDeparting · 21/10/2024 19:45

One practical point: if my DCs' experiences were typical, in the run up to the prom, during the event, and in the days afterwards, your son's social media will be awash with posts, photos and videos about what a great time everyone is having. Unless he is not having his phone with him when you are away, he will constantly be reminded about what he is missing, which will be miserable for him.

Pipsquiggle · 21/10/2024 19:56

@RochfordRuby I have just reread your 1st post.

Just to clarify, are you saying there is absolutely no way he can go to his prom and you want us to advise you on how to placate him when he really wants to go? Is that your question?

If so, there is nothing you can do to appease him - it's a once in a lifetime event that all his peers will experience and not him. It may be the final time that he will be out with some of his year group before they go their separate ways. It's a big deal to him and there's probably no other party he would rather go to.
You need to acknowledge that.

That's why everyone is saying he should be able to attend.

To help you we need further information:

  • Date of prom
  • Date of holiday
  • Destination of holiday
  • UK airports you have access to
Hoppinggreen · 21/10/2024 20:23

All the people saying that they/their child weren't bothered about Prom are missing the point - OP's son IS
He wants to go, according to her he's really upset and "inconsolable" so it doesn't matter what other 16 year olds (or their Mums) think

MermaidEyes · 21/10/2024 20:27

Booking holidays with teens is a nightmare! We all sit down and work out everyone’s key dates proms/ friends holidays / festivals. We end up with about a 10 day window. So much easier when they were little and you bundle them in the car and that’s that!

So this! And now we have one at university with completely different holidays to the ones at school. Take away special occasions, friends birthdays, other important dates and you think, fuck it, maybe next year....

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 21:43

Op you need to facilitate him going to the prom. If you have to stump up or piss off granny so be it.

Why is it that older peoples feelings trump
younger ones? He will feel worse at missing the prom than his grandparents will feel at him not being there that’s for sure.

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 21:48

Dd2 is year 11 too. We aren’t even booking anything - she’s extremely social and likely to be invited away the thought of spending serious cash to take a teen somewhere they don’t want to be is really not appealing. There will be other holidays there won’t be other year 11 leavers celebrations.

StMarieforme · 21/10/2024 22:05

AuldSpookySewers · 21/10/2024 14:08

We’ve booked our summer holiday and haven’t even considered a Prom but there’s no chance my DS would want to go to anything like that, so I’m not worried about it.

Do kids really care about these things? I know I would have hated it myself.

Good grief where have you been? Mine loved theirs 22 years ago!

widelegenes · 21/10/2024 22:07

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 18:44

Booking holidays with teens is a nightmare! We all sit down and work out everyone’s key dates proms/ friends holidays / festivals. We end up with about a 10 day window. So much easier when they were little and you bundle them in the car and that’s that!

Said before my friends 16 year old son flatly refused to get in the car to go to
wales as he would miss 2 parties.

Oh yes. I nearly booked dates this past summer which would have meant DS2 missing the first football match of the season (newly promoted).

In fact only today have I told him (also year 11) that it is HIS responsibility to let me know whether there are football matches around Xmas, New Year that he'd like to go to. I'm not saying we can accommodate them (there are more football matches than Proms!), but I can take them into account and plan accordingly.

StMarieforme · 21/10/2024 22:08

KittyGetSmall · 21/10/2024 14:47

In this situation I would be cancelling the holiday and telling whoever anniversary it is tough.

They've had 49 other wedding anniversaries.

He gets ONE prom.

Hell yeah!

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 22:09

Well dd1 and all her friends loved theirs we had drinks for all the parents beforehand then we saw them off in their lovely dresses it was a special evening. Dd2 is on the committee organising hers so it’s definitely a Big Deal in our house!

StMarieforme · 21/10/2024 22:09

Stretchedresources · 21/10/2024 15:10

Whiskey is quite right. The 2025 leavers missed their end of primary school so do not make him miss this too.

Oh gosh yes!! Excellent point!

jackstini · 21/10/2024 22:09

Pipsquiggle · 21/10/2024 19:56

@RochfordRuby I have just reread your 1st post.

Just to clarify, are you saying there is absolutely no way he can go to his prom and you want us to advise you on how to placate him when he really wants to go? Is that your question?

If so, there is nothing you can do to appease him - it's a once in a lifetime event that all his peers will experience and not him. It may be the final time that he will be out with some of his year group before they go their separate ways. It's a big deal to him and there's probably no other party he would rather go to.
You need to acknowledge that.

That's why everyone is saying he should be able to attend.

To help you we need further information:

  • Date of prom
  • Date of holiday
  • Destination of holiday
  • UK airports you have access to

This

@RochfordRuby - you need to respond to some of the questions and give some more details so people can help!

Info has been very sparse so really difficult to advise a solution

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 22:11

I struggle to get massively excited about my own wedding anniversaries let alone anyone else’s. Is that really a thing? Especially for a teen. God poor lad if op makes him miss his prom for that.

StMarieforme · 21/10/2024 22:11

LlynTegid · 21/10/2024 15:49

My objection to proms is well documented on MN.

Good for you. Mine loved it 22 & 21 years ago. Third child didn't go by choice. 4th did. DGD loved hers last year.

HollyIvie · 21/10/2024 22:12

It is a tricky situation. As the PP more
Info would help with a solution.
Think it's important for him to go to his prom above the other celebration as it's such a milestone
If it's at the start of the holiday I would try and arrange a later flight for him.

TheaBrandt · 21/10/2024 22:15

Yes you are right. Year 11 cohort on leaving primary was utterly a damp squib. They watched every other year have their leavers disco / assembly / play - dd2 was so excited for her year 6 and they got…..absolutely nothing. If anyone deserves a decent prom it’s this year group.

A friend took her same age Dd to her younger brothers year 6 leavers assembly and her normally calm undramatic Dd left in tears as she realised how much they missed out on.

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