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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

403 replies

BluntSheep · 09/10/2024 22:59

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

OP posts:
ToBeOrNotToBee · 09/10/2024 23:00

Good on her!

healthybychristmas · 09/10/2024 23:02

Honestly absolutely nobody will think this is your fault! They will all think how awful it is to both be and be with a 15-year-old!

Tel12 · 09/10/2024 23:03

You need to get tough. At 15 she's old enough to treat people with respect, whether she agrees with them or not. Unless there are other issues? Even so there are limits and she needs to understand them.

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 09/10/2024 23:03

Good for her.. if she didn't feel listened to.. see another doctor or change practices..also at 15 why did you go in with her?
Gosh l started seeing the GP on my own age 13.. my daughters would have been mortified if I'd have gone to see the GP with them at that age.
Give her some privacy and maybe she will do better.. of course with another GP.

QueenCamilla · 09/10/2024 23:05

I've done similar (worse) in A&E.
Maybe she had a point.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 09/10/2024 23:05

Tel12 · 09/10/2024 23:03

You need to get tough. At 15 she's old enough to treat people with respect, whether she agrees with them or not. Unless there are other issues? Even so there are limits and she needs to understand them.

Agree. The mature grown up response is thank you for your time, head out and ask the receptionist to see someone else and make a new appointment. Nit throw a hissy fit, insult someone and storm out. If she behaves that way with a boss in a few years time she is in for the high jump.

JoanCollected · 09/10/2024 23:07

Well did she have a point or was she just a rude little bitch. Even if she had a point she handled it very badly. But she’s a teen so…

And I’d be mortified too.

Original poster
BluntSheep · 09/10/2024 23:15

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 09/10/2024 23:03

Good for her.. if she didn't feel listened to.. see another doctor or change practices..also at 15 why did you go in with her?
Gosh l started seeing the GP on my own age 13.. my daughters would have been mortified if I'd have gone to see the GP with them at that age.
Give her some privacy and maybe she will do better.. of course with another GP.

No I didn't go in with her, heard from the waiting room as she opened the door first when storming out at having a go at the doctor.

OP posts:
Original poster
BluntSheep · 09/10/2024 23:16

JoanCollected · 09/10/2024 23:07

Well did she have a point or was she just a rude little bitch. Even if she had a point she handled it very badly. But she’s a teen so…

And I’d be mortified too.

She insists she did have a point but to me it didn't sound like this doctor did much wrong, however even if she did have a point there's a way to handle it.

OP posts:
StressedQueen · 09/10/2024 23:16

BluntSheep · 09/10/2024 23:15

No I didn't go in with her, heard from the waiting room as she opened the door first when storming out at having a go at the doctor.

Show quote history

I mean I guess you don't know whether the doctor was actually being patronizing and not believing her then. It is good she is standing up for herself but I still think she could have handled her situation better and that she was rude about it. I know she's a teenager but I have 2 15 year old daughters who would never behave like that. They can have attitudes and be rude too but not to that extent.

purpleme12 · 09/10/2024 23:17

If you weren't in here maybe the doctor was b being shitty?
I don't know but I know I've seen doctors who I should have complained about and walked out on

mixigoc176 · 09/10/2024 23:25

It depends. You weren't in the room, you don't know what the doctor said.

I've had doctors ask me inappropriate questions and not listen to me before. I wish I'd stood up for myself and advocated for myself more. I can fully believe your DD was not listened to, and she felt frustrated about it.

Your first reaction should be to ensure your DD gets the care she needs, not to feel ashamed of her. I'm sure she could have handled it better, but she's 15. And actually, depending on exactly how she was treated, maybe good on her for not responding in a socially conditioned docile manner and calling out the shit.

Separately to this... being angry all the time is fairly common when you're a teen going through puberty. The rage levels do ease off as your body begins to regulate itself better.

BlaiseBaileyFinneganiii · 09/10/2024 23:30

I can only imagine my reaction at 15 if I felt like the GP wasn't listening to me. It would have been a lot more significant than that!

I struggle to hold it together with some doctors now and I'm in my 40s! It's a uniquely frustrating experience being medically gaslit.

You can't really expect her to have the smooth skills of a politician at her age. She's at the mercy of her hormones. And let's be honest, some doctors do talk absolute nonsense.

Purposefullyporous · 09/10/2024 23:31

I don't know about this one.. I would never have done that at 15 and I was a mess and awful to parent at that age. But I also had zero self esteem.. so part of me admires your 15yo for standing up for herself so assertively.
I had a doctor be extremely inappropriate with me when I was that age and I just said nothing.
But on the flip side it is important to learn how to regulate emotions and not just respond angrily as a knee jerk reaction.
But that's what all 15yo are learning. They are all having hormonal mood swings. It's not an easy time for anyone

Screamingabdabz · 09/10/2024 23:33

healthybychristmas · 09/10/2024 23:02

Honestly absolutely nobody will think this is your fault! They will all think how awful it is to both be and be with a 15-year-old!

Actually I would wonder what values she’d been brought up with to talk to a doctor like that. I’m a great believer in healthy disrespect for authority but there is a way to demonstrate that. Being a dick isn’t it. I’d be ashamed if that was my teen and I would tell them that in no uncertain terms. I’d also and insist they go back in and apologise.

Purposefullyporous · 09/10/2024 23:43

Screamingabdabz · 09/10/2024 23:33

Actually I would wonder what values she’d been brought up with to talk to a doctor like that. I’m a great believer in healthy disrespect for authority but there is a way to demonstrate that. Being a dick isn’t it. I’d be ashamed if that was my teen and I would tell them that in no uncertain terms. I’d also and insist they go back in and apologise.

Show quote history

Why would you automatically disbelieve your child tho?
Obviously you'd explain to them that reacting angrily isn't the best course of action.. but making then apologise to someone who they say has treated them badly? Is that a good idea?
I'm not sure we should be teaching our girls to always be nice. Having appropriate boundaries is fine. She needs to be taught how to express herself in a more restrained manner.. but she doesn't need to be forced to apologise to a man who has been patronising or behaved oddly towards her.

Purposefullyporous · 09/10/2024 23:45

I realise ive assumed the doctors a man there but even if she was a woman the point still stands

Ivehearditbothways · 09/10/2024 23:49

Given how often women are ignored and dismissed by medical professionals (male and female), I’d be inclined to believe her.
What you need to actually do is teach her how to stand up for herself and how to advocate for her needs in a way which will move forwards rather than get her kicked out/banned etc.

Calliopespa · 10/10/2024 00:26

BluntSheep · 09/10/2024 23:16

She insists she did have a point but to me it didn't sound like this doctor did much wrong, however even if she did have a point there's a way to handle it.

Show quote history

I can only commend you op for feeling this way.

Increasingly, I would expect that sort of response to be fully celebrated on MN! I agree with you it’s not the way to handle it ( though she IS right to trust her instincts and seek a second opinion if she genuinely feels the doctor didn’t listen); but your DD is far from alone in feeling that sort of outburst is somehow admirably characterful and strong.

It must be hard to be 15 and live in a world where plenty of adults don’t how to behave.

Will she grow out of it? Well at least her mum has a notion of how not to go about things, so she has a better chance than many of finding less explosive ways of standing her ground.

Catgotyourbrain · 10/10/2024 00:39

Sometimes, just sometimes,
I wish I’d had the sheer ovaries to behave like this to some of the shitty dismissive things doctors (male and female) have said to me over the years.

honestly OP you’ve got a live one there.
refining your firepower and aiming it at the right people is a skill to learn, but, the older I get the more I wish I’d had the temerity of your DD.

obviously you can’t go around being abusive, but you can learn to focus and aim at the right places

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 00:39

The doctor isn't good at their job if they've managed to upset a 15 year old minor to this degree. That's not normal.

Even if they and you think they were asking relevant questions, they've not picked up on your daughter's responses and persisted when she's got upset.

She won't have got up and walked out on the first question that bothered her. She will have got upset over a number of questions...

She's 15 and yeah she could have handled it better but she's 15 and doesn't know how to. She's up against some one in a position of authority who is she feels is being dismissive over something sensitive.

I'm sorry but you not believing her isn't going to help. You really need to get to grips over why she feels so strongly like this and actually support her.

Why didn't you go into the appointment with her in the first place? Don't you support her? Or does she not see you as important support? What's the deal here?

Original poster
BluntSheep · 10/10/2024 00:49

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 00:39

The doctor isn't good at their job if they've managed to upset a 15 year old minor to this degree. That's not normal.

Even if they and you think they were asking relevant questions, they've not picked up on your daughter's responses and persisted when she's got upset.

She won't have got up and walked out on the first question that bothered her. She will have got upset over a number of questions...

She's 15 and yeah she could have handled it better but she's 15 and doesn't know how to. She's up against some one in a position of authority who is she feels is being dismissive over something sensitive.

I'm sorry but you not believing her isn't going to help. You really need to get to grips over why she feels so strongly like this and actually support her.

Why didn't you go into the appointment with her in the first place? Don't you support her? Or does she not see you as important support? What's the deal here?

She wanted to go in alone.

It's not a case of not believing I do believe her but it's the causing a scene I'm upsetting with. Theres a way to handle things.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 00:54

BluntSheep · 10/10/2024 00:49

She wanted to go in alone.

It's not a case of not believing I do believe her but it's the causing a scene I'm upsetting with. Theres a way to handle things.

Show quote history

She's 15 and wasn't believed.

She's done what many on this thread WISH they'd done when they've been badly treated by a doctor.

I find the fact that so many women on this thread feel they've been socialised and taught not to complain and they must put up with poor care alarming.

Whilst I don't think we should advocate abuse towards doctors, I also find the sheer number of posters saying they felt like this, something that suggests there's a massive and very real issue.

PinkArt · 10/10/2024 00:54

Does 'sensitive issues' mean gynaecological? Perhaps if more of us behaved like your daughter then we wouldn't all have stories about describing symptoms and being disbelieved, told we are wrong or having the issues minimised.
The advice I got for periods so heavy as a teen that I was fainting and being sent home was to wiggle my toes. And at the other end of things, as a 40 something I've been told my classic peri symptoms won't be peri as I'm too young when that's not remotely correct.
Maybe she was being an arsehole, maybe she was being a 15 year old with raging hormones or maybe she was yet another young woman fed up with being fobbed off because of Women's Problems.

UncharteredWaters · 10/10/2024 01:24

Well I doubt she’ll be seeing any doctor in that practice after her outburst.

There’s a way to manage difficult situations and she didn’t have that skill, if she were my DD she wouldn’t be going alone until she has that skill.