DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

Well no, I made formal complaints. I'm not 15.

And that comes back to 'why didn't mum go to the appointment with her?' then...

OP has failed her daughter in any scenario here.

So what's going on with her?
Her personality has completely changed and she is apparently raging or not as able to control her responses as she was.
I guess we are assuming hormones, but what help and advice does she need with this (just like a boy encountering his testosterone fuelled responses for the first time needs guidance), or why now, are the gynae problems related? I have sure had times in my female adult life when my responses don't feel like me, they are hormone fuelled.
But what else?
Any new relationships, influences, peers, cults, cultures, expectations, mild or severe traumas? Did she go in there with an expectation, or an expectation she would be turned down? Is she struggling with sex, sexual coercion, pregnancy, sexual identity, anxiety, abuse.
I would get curious and very understanding OP. This is your kind sweet daughter, she needs you.

Good that she is assertive where her health is concerned. Inappropriate that she expressed her frustration in this manner. She will be excused for a limited window of time as a hormonal teenager. Going forward, such an attitude will alienate others and not serve her well. There was an interesting discussion on Radio 4 lately stressing the importance of the fourth "r" in the curriculum. We are all familiar with reading,writing and 'rithmetic". We need to add oracy to the mix.This powerful tool is frequently overlooked in the education system. First thing I thought of when I read the post.

Omg why? People can be so nasty on here.

I'm 62 and I've been told for the past year that my symptoms are "natural ageing" and to be expected at my age take some paracetamol.
When I finally got sick of being patronised and demanded an MRI and xrays suddenly it's super urgent and I have major surgery in 2 weeks.
Some GPs certainly not most of them need some training in listening.

Well then. Perhaps that's what you should have advised her to do, rather than cheerleading a 15 year old girl to live out what you felt like doing.

@Youcantcallacatspider

A lot of people have experienced poor care from GPs in recent years. I'm not agreeing that it is 'most' doctors - as a scientist myself, I'd rather see statistics before making that claim. But out of all the people I have spoken to, there are far more people who have had bad experiences with not being listened to/patronized/given wrong treatment or simply fobbed off until they end up in A&E than there are people who have had good experiences. There are plenty of horror stories on here too where people have gone to GPs in good faith and been treated badly so it is not just my area. So it may not be most GPs but it does seem to be a lot of them nonetheless.

As for being expected to keep quiet because the clever, important doctor knows what he is doing and I, the silly irrational patient knows diddly squat. Sorry but no. That is not happening. I won't be abusive because that is not OK, but I will be advocating for myself in the face of poor treatment.

For millennia girls and women have been taught to be polite, meek, and to minimise their own feelings, however badly they’re treated. And some doctors are really crap at dealing with people. Sometimes anger is the appropriate response. I would never have had the nerve to storm out of a doctor’s office at 15, so I’m actually pretty admiring of your daughter.

@Prescottdanni123 Don't you think that might be because the majority of people have completely uneventful interactions with their GP so don't talk/post on social media about it?

I think you've got it back to front. It's the shitty healthcare service that is responsible for its own demise and it's the shitty behaviour of so many of those that work there that has created such ill feeling (or poor attitudes, if you prefer) amongst others.

No, being assertive is the appropriate response, which I'm 100% behind. Say what you want and stick to it. Don't shout, stamp your foot and flounce.

Tbh I am so sick of doctors who don't listen to me or believe me. I had this at that age and years later was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I knew my body and I knew something was wrong but didn't have the confidence to advocate for myself.

Yes there are better ways to handle it of course, but asking for another doctor is one of them. She didn't have to be polite and thank them for their time if they didn't listen to her. Bollocks to always being polite, it is half the reason women often don't speak up in uncomfortable situations.

I would just say to her you understand the doctor wasn't listening and she has the right to ask for another one. But she doesn't need to make a scene, just stand up for herself. She did the right thing, just not in the right way but she is 15 and just needs a bit of guidance and support.

This.

The poor opinions of doctors started after the treatment became poor. I know the NHS has a severe lack of money, but taking patients seriously and listening properly and being compassionate costs nothing.

I can't advise her to change the past, can I? I don't personally care if she told the GP that she wasn't good at her job. Someone needs to and I think it's positive that this girl hasn't learnt to "submit to the doctor's authority", which so many strong, intelligent women suffer from. Maybe she won't have to take her male partner with her to every appointment in future like some of us do so that GPs behave themselves.

Agree with you. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say the doctor WAS patronising (although given her track record for being a handful I do wonder...). Grown adults can't just flounce every time someone speaks to them a way they don't like. One day, she may have a boss she doesn't like. A boss who is condescending and patronising. And she will have to learn to handle that. She can't flounce and storm off (well she can but she will out on her arse). She will have to learnt to handle it until she can change the situation (change job), and here is the same. Or an issue in the bank. What's she going to do? She should have just focused on getting out of there without making a fool of herself, and asking to see someone else.
Lots of growing up to do by the sound of it.

And it's no wonder that we carry on getting treated poorly if none of us understand how to be assertive without throwing insults, and that grown women encourage young girls to do their dirty work for them.

You're right. We do deserve to be treated badly by doctors. We brought it on ourselves.

@BluntSheep ,

Your initial reaction is right and her behaviour was totally unacceptable. She definitely should apologise to the doctor. If she can’t do this face-to-face, she can e mail the practice.

The idea that a 15 year old can gainsay a professional with years of educatIon and professional experience is totally unjustifiable. People have a right to do their jobs without abuse, and she did abuse the doctor.

Now, of course, maybe the doctor was wrong. If so, there are ways of going about complaining. But I would want to be very sure of my ground before doing so.

There is nothing either strong or brave about rudeness. It scares me how many on here think it is OK. No wonder there is such a massive behaviour problem in schools in this country.

Well, only if you wanted to wait another month to see a doctor at our practice.

More difficult when you’re 15 and haven’t had practice being assertive, and when you have been taught/rewarded for being sweet and kind. Also very, very difficult where there is a power imbalance. You can be as dignified and as assertive as you like, but there comes a point where making a fuss is appropriate.

If doctors (clinicians generally) are going to ask questions that may seem irrelevant, then they should be aware of this and explain why they are asking the questions. Yes she handled the situation like a 15 year old but that is because she IS a 15 year old. That doesn't mean that she was wrong, only that she will need to learn to handle things better. A bloke called Phil Drabble once said words to the effect that when he was young he struggled because he used to upset people without meaning to. He said he had of course matured and now when he upset people it was because he meant to do it. As a retired NHS clinician and also a patient and an advocate for my late husband when he was very ill, I would say that the "no one should be abused at work" thing cuts both ways.

My daughter was like this. I used to think I had done a terrible job and sometimes, if I was the focus of her laser like stare and rudeness that she hated me. She has grown up to be truly amazing. She is strong, beautiful and proud. She is a warrior and most of the time I wish I could be more like her. I was and am, far too compliant and people pleasing and have always really been unable to advocate for myself. I make constant compromises because I don't want to seem awkward or to please others. Now, because I'm much older I think women should be warriors because the shit we get and put up with is in some part societal and in some part because we consciously or unconsciously fall into the little societal niche labelled woman.

"The idea that a 15 year old can gainsay a professional with years of educatIon and professional experience is totally unjustifiable."

Of course its justifiable if they fail to interact with a patient in a way that is appropriate to that patient.

@godmum56 ,

‘As a retired NHS clinician and also a patient and an advocate for my late husband when he was very ill, I would say that the "no one should be abused at work" thing cuts both ways.’

Yes, of course, but asking questions a young patient may not see the relevance of is not abuse by any definition. Shouting and telling someone that they can’t do their job is abuse by every definition.

Teenagers don’t get a free pass to be abusive. The practice would be extremely nice not to expel her.