DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

hahahahaha I LOVE that my post annoyed you so much that you took the time out of your day to write that 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Doctors will ask questions that may seem irrelevant to people who don’t work in healthcare but are important in establishing a differential diagnosis.
Of course your daughter has the right to seek another appointment with a different GP but no one should be verbally abused at their work.

Ohhh I just realized that it wasn’t my post that annoyed you 😭😭😭 oh well. Hopefully you think I sound awful as well, since I 100% agree with the stranger you quoted 😂😂😂

Wow, well she needs to learn to challenge respectfully, but i wish my DD had challenged the GP went they suggested she was bulimic, once they did bloods they realised no, she was actually unwell.

No one has been verbally abused. Unless she called the GP a useless bitch and OP has omitted that ?

I've been patronised and not believed by a doctor before on more than one occasion. Throw insome hormones, a belief that you know it all and a shit ton of confidence and you get a reaction like your daughters.

I don't think her frustration was wrong, she deserves to be heard and thankfully younger generations are far less likely to be fobbed off than we were on the basis of politeness.

I would book her in with a different doctor maybe ask if there's one that specialises in her issues.

Whether she grows out or not, as a mother it's your job to teach her that rudeness is not acceptable.

Oh give over! I'm prepared to bet that she wouldn't have been happy whoever tbe doctor was. She needs to be very bluntly told that she has no idea what the doctor does and doesn't need to know as she isn't medically trained. As long as they aren't making her feel unsafe she should be answering their questions accurately and respectfully.

You have no idea unless you work as a clinician how difficult it is to assess somebody safely if they're not cooperating with your questions and basically being a self-absorbed little gobshite especially when you only have 10 minutes. Yes most clinicians make allowances with children and will do their utmost to make a child feel comfortable but honestly lots of teenagers enter the room determined to pick a fight.

Your child needs to be taught swiftly that behaving like this isn't acceptable and won't get her anywhere OP. If she choses to disengage with her doctors like this then the consequence will be inadequate treatment of her condition and that will be entirely her responsibility. Call her out on her bullshit or she'll be stuck with the social skills and egocentricness of a toddler for the rest of her life.

Who would want to work for NHS when salaries have not risen in line with inflation, on top you need to get insulted by patients because at 15 they know better than a qualified doctor?

If you are a clinician perhaps you haven’t been on the receiving end of being patronised and given shit care and are less likely to understand it from that side…

some GPs are rubbish, others amazing. You weren’t in the room so don’t know what was said. It really impacts and matters to your DD. Show her how to make a complaint the right way.

Well people have become very fixed on the dr and how Dr's don't listen to women but I assume when you say dd is becoming a nightmare that isn't just based on this one incident? Changes in behaviour can be a red flag for lots of things. Is she hanging around with anyone new? How is school going? Any reports of changes there?

Whilst I'm a for being assertive I agree with the small minority here that also think this shouldn't be done rudely. Flouncing out before the gp has even finished is quite an immature way to handle things. You can challenge and ask questions in a calm and confident manner so I'm not surprised you were mortified.

Because op has said her personality has changed completely and she has become impatient, opiniated and borderline rude. So OP knows her dd better to draw this conclusion.

This is a fair point BUT OP wasn’t actually in the rooms so we don’t know what was said.

Stoppy teenagers can be treated badly too.

Has OP actually asked what happened, what questions were asked and why DD felt she wasn’t believed ?

I do not have that experience. I agree.

but I have the experience of being patronised, made out to be dramatic, overly sensitive or simply having a „low pain threshold“. The last one by the same family doctor who knew that I walked home on a broken foot!

Medical care has been and continuous to be quite horrible for many people. Especially female people, young female people and those that experience „sensitive issues“ / are vulnerable.

I wish I had that 15 yos courage when I was 15! And absolutely failed by the doctors that should have listened to me and taken me seriously.

was OP‘s DD appropriate and polite? No. Was it the best and most ideal way she could have chosen to deal with that issue? Also no.

But she is a 15 yo girl in a vulnerable position.

The doctor however is an adult in a fairly secure position. And with the training and maturity to deal with a 15 yo who is making a little bit of a scene. She should be able to deal with this.

I've treated enough teenagers to understand this scenario well. It's almost always the teenager who's completely irrational and has probably had a lifetime of people pussyfooting around them rather than telling them their behaviour is ridiculous. I've been yelled at for 'talking too loud' even though I was literally whispering. I've listed half a dozen things that I'm going to do for a teen but screamed and sworn at because apparently 'nobody is listening or helping' I've been screamed and yelled at by a 12 year old's parent because I performed a routine urine test for cannibis after they came into A and E off their face. It was apparently my fault that the little angel tested positive and I must have screwed up the test as little darling has never touched the stuff.... You have no idea the gaslighting and the difficulty that comes with these consultations sometimes. The majority of teenagers do seem to like me though btw and regularly ask to see me again so I must be doing something right.

Well said, thank you!

OP, you should know that "making a scene" is a really sexist term. I have yet to see it applied to men.

I agree with other posters. You have nothing to be embarassed about. You should be proud. Could she have handled it better? Sure, but that's where you step in and teach her to be assertive without losing her cool unless strictly necessary. Still, as a child it's hard to do, because you feel so powerless in the face of adults, particularly in the face of authority.

How do you know doctor was patronising?

Also, there are a lot of posters on this thread hating doctors in general, calling them gaslighters, dismissive. Would you prefer to use dr Google to help yourself?

The gp will need to ask questions as that is how they diagnose an issue.
people saying good on her is odd really. She was shouting, rude and causing a scene in a place where people are poorly. That needs a stern chat, not a hand clap. There are ways of expressing yourself without getting in a row with someone trying to help you.

Have you never had a situation where all of the stars aligned (maybe many stressors, poor sleep, heavy workload, suboptimal diet) and a person is pushing all of your buttons in exactly the right way such that you lose the ability to cope? I have. It's my view that the average teenager will get to that point quicker than the average adult but I think we all have it in us. Unless she has a general pattern of rudeness towards others I would be inclined to react sensitively.

I wish I’d had the nerve to stand up to a consultant who basically gaslit me and then sat back and watch me reduced to tears.
This was over 20 years ago and I still regret not challenging him.
Ok so your daughter got it wrong in the way she handled it. Maybe now she needs to write an email to the practice manager apologising for her outburst but explaining the reasons and her frustration at not being listened to?

It really depends on the context though. I was recently with my DD for moral support while seeing a dermatologist. The dermatologist started to ask really intrusive questions about whether my DD was sexually active and giving advice on contraception.

My DD was there to have a suspicious skin lesion on her ARM checked to ensure not cancer. We have family history so we get checked.

My DD was upset by the GP questioning regarding sexual activity because it was entirely irrelevant and my DD is a lesbian so did not need a lecture on “when you do start sexual activity…blah blah.” We just sat there because I wasn’t going to divulge my DD’s sexual orientation to a dermatologist! It had nothing to do with or of any clinical relevance to an itchy patch of skin on her arm.

I see the most harsh responses are from clinicians who obviously feel they have a right to meek unquestioning obedience.

Have you had a calm, non-judgemental conversation with her about what happened? It can be horrible when you feel you are not being listened to, or being patronised, or the doctor seems rude or uninterested. There have been plenty of times at my current GP surgery when I've wanted to shout and swear at multiple doctors. I haven't obviously because I am a grown woman and know how to deal with these things in a calm manner but a fifteen year old doesn't have those life skills/experience nor are they able to regulate emotions that well.

That's not necessarily what happened. And by storming out OPs dd is no further in finding out what's wrong.