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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

403 replies

BluntSheep · 09/10/2024 22:59

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 07:50

MargaretBetts · 10/10/2024 07:27

Great to see this descend into a GP bashing thread, I don’t know anyone in real life who would think this behaviour, from a child, is to be encouraged.

Ah the sacred cast of the NHS doctor who can do no wrong and the evil ungrateful patient who is a liar when they say their GP didnt listen to them and was patronising and rude.

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 07:59

Youcantcallacatspider · 10/10/2024 06:32

Oh give over! I'm prepared to bet that she wouldn't have been happy whoever tbe doctor was. She needs to be very bluntly told that she has no idea what the doctor does and doesn't need to know as she isn't medically trained. As long as they aren't making her feel unsafe she should be answering their questions accurately and respectfully.

You have no idea unless you work as a clinician how difficult it is to assess somebody safely if they're not cooperating with your questions and basically being a self-absorbed little gobshite especially when you only have 10 minutes. Yes most clinicians make allowances with children and will do their utmost to make a child feel comfortable but honestly lots of teenagers enter the room determined to pick a fight.

Your child needs to be taught swiftly that behaving like this isn't acceptable and won't get her anywhere OP. If she choses to disengage with her doctors like this then the consequence will be inadequate treatment of her condition and that will be entirely her responsibility. Call her out on her bullshit or she'll be stuck with the social skills and egocentricness of a toddler for the rest of her life.

Edited
Show quote history

My sister in law had incredibly poor care when giving birth. She was given the wrong drugs amongst other things. They could have killed her. She's a doctor herself and didn't disclose this as she didn't want special treatment. Anyway when it did all start to go tits up, they didn't believe her and were trying to tell her to shut up.

At this point her husband stepped in. He's a senior consultant. He made a scene.

This hospital is now at the centre of an injury into unacceptable levels of poor care and the unnecessary deaths of women and babies.

So forgive me if I'm not on board with the whole 'we should be grateful for the NHS and doctors can do no wrong and always listen to patients thing.

FeetupTvon · 10/10/2024 07:59

Any sudden change in personality- especially to this extent needs further investigation.

Namechangencncnc · 10/10/2024 07:59

How does she get on with staff at school?

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 08:03

FeetupTvon · 10/10/2024 07:59

Any sudden change in personality- especially to this extent needs further investigation.

Well quite. It's possible there's a mental health condition or something like autism here. The doctor would have had warning signs. If they've not picked up on body language and comments and have pushed on despite distress, their bedside manner has made the whole problem worse and you now have a distressed teenager with no trust in the GP.

Dismissing this as 'a rude teenager' misses a significant point and possibility. A 15 year teenager in this situation going to see the doctor by herself frankly is being failed by her parents too.

fingerbutt · 10/10/2024 08:04

Doublesidedstickytape · 10/10/2024 07:06

Oh and the gaslighting goes on more than you think.
My sister was gaslit by a nurse who was adamant she had dropped something on her foot to produce a strange bruise even though it started on the underside and spread up and over the top. Nothing my sister said would change the nurses mind. No one took it seriously until
other weird bruises appeared elsewhere.
The nurse just flat out refused to believe her.

This isn’t gaslighting, which is a particular type of manipulative and abusive behaviour.

It’s shitty health care and not listening to the patient, but not gaslighting.

Fairslice · 10/10/2024 08:05

It's no wonder some women have trouble being assertive when they are told being aggressive is fine!

Also, a lot of wish fulfilment on this thread. I can bet noone egging this girl on would behave like this in real life.

OP, how she behaved was unacceptable. Ou rpractice has a poster up asking for people to treat staff with respect.

There are ways of making your point without getting emotionally disregulated, yes even teens. None of my four dds would have done this.

Paganpentacle · 10/10/2024 08:05

renomeno · 10/10/2024 05:10

I would explain to your daughter that what might seem to her to be an irrelevant question, in medical terms could be hugely relevant. Why does she think she knows better than a trained medical professional?

Yes there are cases where a doctor is at fault but in this situation it sounds like she was asking probing questions to work out what the medical situation was...

Exactly this.
Not liking the questions being asked doesn't mean they aren't clinically necessary.
GP cant help without ALL the relevant information.

Fairslice · 10/10/2024 08:06

fingerbutt · 10/10/2024 08:04

This isn’t gaslighting, which is a particular type of manipulative and abusive behaviour.

It’s shitty health care and not listening to the patient, but not gaslighting.

Show quote history

Yeah, that isn't gaslighting.

Prescottdanni123 · 10/10/2024 08:07

Yes, OP, there is a way to handle things and that wasn't it. But at 15, she does not have that skill. It is on you to teach her what to do and say in those circumstances while not minimising her feelings on the matter.

As other people have suggested, help her to apologise for her outburst but also explain why so was so upset in the first place and that she therefore wants an appointment with another GP because she didn't feel taken seriously by the first one.

C152 · 10/10/2024 08:07

Good god, who cares if she "caused a scene"?! I agree with the first post: "Good on her!" We all know most Doctors behave appallingly towards patients, particularly women. Especially women who want help with 'women's problems'. Find her another Dr and teach her skills that may help in these situations, like writing all symptoms and questions on a piece of paper, so she's got them ready when asked and doesn't get flustered. If questions are repeated she could state she has answered that and she's happy to leave the sheet of symptoms with the Dr when she leaves.

Fairslice · 10/10/2024 08:08

Did she want a particular type of medication and the GP suggested another or refused?

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 10/10/2024 08:08

I do love the cognitive disconnect on here.

People saying 'well done her' and then bemoaning the lack of medical staff or access to a GP.

There are ways to be assertive, this isn't it.

I'd be talking to her about appropriate ways to talk to people and appropriate ways to take out the frustration she is obviously feeling.

Paganpentacle · 10/10/2024 08:08

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 07:50

Ah the sacred cast of the NHS doctor who can do no wrong and the evil ungrateful patient who is a liar when they say their GP didnt listen to them and was patronising and rude.

Show quote history

Ahh.... the sacred patient who doesn't kick off, insult and threaten when asked pertinent relevant questions that are necessary to investigate and diagnose .....

Youcantcallacatspider · 10/10/2024 08:09

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 07:50

Ah the sacred cast of the NHS doctor who can do no wrong and the evil ungrateful patient who is a liar when they say their GP didnt listen to them and was patronising and rude.

Show quote history

And yet it's completely beyond the realms of possibility that a 15 year old was being manipulative and rude even though that's exactly the perception of her mother who presumably knows her well and is the only person on this thread who actually witnessed the incident. I guess blaming the big bad doctor is easier than acknowledging that we actually have to guide and parent our children.

Fairslice · 10/10/2024 08:10

Good god, who cares if she "caused a scene"?! I agree with the first post: "Good on her!" We all know most Doctors behave appallingly towards patients, particularly women

Posters like this I mean. Purely living out a fantasy where someone else does something they admire, because they aren't assertive enough to just ask for what they want calmly in real life.

linelgreen · 10/10/2024 08:10

At 15 she is a child and you as the parent make the rules regarding behaviour and what is/is not acceptable. You let her visit the GP alone and she could not handle it so now a rebooked appointment is needed that you attend with her. I would also make her write a note to the original GP apologising for her behaviour.

Paganpentacle · 10/10/2024 08:10

Youcantcallacatspider · 10/10/2024 08:09

And yet it's completely beyond the realms of possibility that a 15 year old was being manipulative and rude even though that's exactly the perception of her mother who presumably knows her well and is the only person on this thread who actually witnessed the incident. I guess blaming the big bad doctor is easier than acknowledging that we actually have to guide and parent our children.

Show quote history

They exist.
And it puts a right crimp in your day when all you're trying to do is illicit the relevant information in order to ... you know... help them.

MargaretBetts · 10/10/2024 08:12

I wouldn’t assume it was ‘shitty’ care. Why would you?

Youcantcallacatspider · 10/10/2024 08:12

C152 · 10/10/2024 08:07

Good god, who cares if she "caused a scene"?! I agree with the first post: "Good on her!" We all know most Doctors behave appallingly towards patients, particularly women. Especially women who want help with 'women's problems'. Find her another Dr and teach her skills that may help in these situations, like writing all symptoms and questions on a piece of paper, so she's got them ready when asked and doesn't get flustered. If questions are repeated she could state she has answered that and she's happy to leave the sheet of symptoms with the Dr when she leaves.

Where is your evidence that most doctors do this? It's honestly this totally shitty and unfounded attitude towards healthcare that's contributing to the demise of the NHS. Nobody goes to work to be abused. There is never an excuse for being abusive.

EveningSpread · 10/10/2024 08:13

She might have had a point, but she clearly needs to learn that throwing a tantrum isn't how you get what you want out of people.

CrumbleintheJungle · 10/10/2024 08:14

In my experience of going to the GP as a woman, I think she's probably right and am glad she stood up for herself and told them how useless they are!

Fairslice · 10/10/2024 08:16

CrumbleintheJungle · 10/10/2024 08:14

In my experience of going to the GP as a woman, I think she's probably right and am glad she stood up for herself and told them how useless they are!

So is this what you did?

soupfiend · 10/10/2024 08:18

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2024 00:39

The doctor isn't good at their job if they've managed to upset a 15 year old minor to this degree. That's not normal.

Even if they and you think they were asking relevant questions, they've not picked up on your daughter's responses and persisted when she's got upset.

She won't have got up and walked out on the first question that bothered her. She will have got upset over a number of questions...

She's 15 and yeah she could have handled it better but she's 15 and doesn't know how to. She's up against some one in a position of authority who is she feels is being dismissive over something sensitive.

I'm sorry but you not believing her isn't going to help. You really need to get to grips over why she feels so strongly like this and actually support her.

Why didn't you go into the appointment with her in the first place? Don't you support her? Or does she not see you as important support? What's the deal here?

So a health professional gets verbally abused and its their fault?

This is why people dont want to work in public services

There will be posters all over that surgery saying that our staff are expected to be treated with respect, if you are abusive you'll be removed from the registration. Thats why those posters are there.

C152 · 10/10/2024 08:18

Fairslice · 10/10/2024 08:10

Good god, who cares if she "caused a scene"?! I agree with the first post: "Good on her!" We all know most Doctors behave appallingly towards patients, particularly women

Posters like this I mean. Purely living out a fantasy where someone else does something they admire, because they aren't assertive enough to just ask for what they want calmly in real life.

Your unfounded assumptions aside, I'd be proud of my child for standing up for herself. Far too many women are still taught to suffer in silence, to be the "nice", polite and kind ones, who apologise in advance for their thoughts and questions and never disagree with anyone in authority who couldn't possibly get anything wrong. And the word "assertive" is never used in the same sentence as a woman in real life. Assertive women are labelled agressive or ball busters or some other offensive load of tripe used to cut them down to size so their assertiveness no longer presents a threat to men.