DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

I can see how it would be really embarrassing for you. But if this is out of character then it may have been justified? Just because doctors are doctors doesn't mean that some can't be patronising or rude themselves. I have to meet a doctor that isn't condescending and actually listens and responds accordingly!

Have yet to meet*

Telling a doctor they aren't very good at their job is an observation or an opinion.

It was almost certainly rude. I strongly disagree that it constitutes abuse.

Anybody who believes that 15 year olds should always be expected to behave the way that professional adult employees should, is severely missing knowledge of adolescent brain and endocrine development.

Yes absolutely a teenager who didn't handle a situation well needs guidance as to how to handle it better in the future.

My eldest is 17 after Christmas - I have learned that turning into a screaming, raging lunatic achieves nothing and makes them worse. This is what I now do:

First sign of bad attitude: I silently walk into her bedroom and take her phone charger. I then watch her sweat all day.

2nd offence: I take the phone

3rd offence: I turn the Internet off to all of her devices.

4th offence: I walk into her room - I unplug her TV, console, and PC. I take them along with her phone and charger. I do not rise to her tantrum, I do not answer her. I take her front door key and I ground her.

I then produce a good behaviour chart. Each tick throughout the week and so long as she's earned enough points will gain her one item back at the end of the week. It is working. Less meltdowns, less being rude, better coping mechanisms, she takes a breath and thinks before she speaks.

I am not expecting perfection and she still, naturally has a monumental, teenage kick-off now and again. They are getting less frequent.

The aim is to remain silent. A silent response is the best response. It means you do not stress yourself out to breaking point and your stony silence, removal of luxuries etc shows how serious you are.

Mine even comes back to apologise now - Until the next time she does it.

Pick your battles.

I don’t understand the need for any of this. I come from a generation where one look from my dad was enough to stop me in my tracks.

But she didn’t go with a broken leg did she ? She’s fifteen. The doctor has to consider everything relevant and then some that aren’t.

They also ask if you could be pregnant before ordering X rays. Common practice but there will be someone on MN shortly who objects to being asked.

But surely you’d expect to be asked if you are pregnant or how your anxiety affects you given the examinations that might be necessary ?

Depends on how it was said. Flouncing out of the surgery in a strop and saying it so everyone else can hear certainly would qualify as verbal abuse.

And given that GP’s know they are the gateway to life and death, do you think they don’t know they can be held accountable ?

I think it’s good that she is able to stand up for herself, a lot (obviously not all) of doctors tend to dismiss woman especially younger woman. I’ve had a doctor refuse to test me for iron deficiency even though I had all the symptoms because I wasn’t ‘pale’ (I don’t have pale skin and I was wearing makeup…). Turns out I did have iron deficiency.
So congratulations to her if she had a point

And who do you blame for this ? Because GPs certainly wouldn’t choose it.

Because she's still legally a child and should have a parent or guardian with her?

You are bloody naive if you think they are being held accountable!

At 15 you need to explain to your child that you need to attend with her, to be her advocate. You explain that you will not interfere unless she is not being heard by the gp, and you stick to that. Your daughter is a minor and needs your support. Regardless of whether she was "right or wrong" at 15 she cannot be expected to respond as an adult, you should be there to advocate for her.

If you had been in the room you would know exactly how the gp had addressed her and could support her where needed.

As an minor she cannot be expected to respond as an adult. Your job as a parent is to support her, regardless.

If either she or you do not understand that, then you need to sort this out.

At her age you are best prioritising your relationship with her. Everything else is secondary imo. Sounds to me like she did her best in a challenging situation.

Worth speaking to her when she is calmer about how she handled it of course and maybe see if she needs any help with too-big feelings.

Def don't punish her.

Doctors can be wrong in their approach. My 60+ DH went to the surgery recently and was spoken to dismissively by a young female GP. In fact, she was quite aggressive and he left feeling upset and diminished by her attitude but was too polite to call her out on it.

@RedToothBrush do you have teenagers? In my experience they can fly off the handled if you say hello to them

Maybe a great society where it doesn't take years to get investigated for endometriosis?

www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/119trcm/how_long_did_your_diagnosis_take/

really!! Even if you feel the need for a 2nd opinion, storming out and insulting someone is just downright rude and should not be something anyone sees as being ok!! I have worked in general practice for 35 years and still struggle to believe how rude some people can be and it has definitely got worse, to the point me and many colleagues have decided to leave/ retire early

I’ve had 5 years of being fobbed off by doctors, your DD is smart challenging them for answers if she’s not happy. I wish I was this savvy at 41. Obviously there is a way to go about it which I’m sure as she grows, matures and gets some life experience under her belt she’ll settle down. Put it down to a bad experience and talk her through expectations. We can’t act like that.

I guess because you weren't in there it's hard to know exactly what happened. If it was my daughter I think I'd be saying "I'm sorry I was embarrassed, but if you say they didn't believe you then I believe you. I'm totally on your side and we'll get medical issue sorted, and we'll see another doctor. Next time though if you don't feel like they're taking you seriously, maybe you could..." and explain how she should handle it or tell her what you would have done. It also might be an idea to ask if she does want you to go in with her or suggest if she's feeling she's not being listened to, to tell the doctor at that point she'd like you to join her. I don't think you can do anything else, because if you are telling her she was unreasonable she'll just think you aren't taking it seriously either.

I can't imagine my daughter reacting like that, but she does react to things very quickly at the moment before her brain has had a chance to process it and a mole hill becomes a mountain. She knows she does too and is upset by it. We have had many a conversation regarding how to stay calm in different situations. Maybe it was just your daughter's hormones and frustration getting the better of her.

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted.

First, that's pretty normal at her age. She'll almost certainly outgrow the tantrum part of it. Second, GOOD FOR HER! Doctors have a bad habit of dismissing the concerns of their female patients of all ages...even women doctors. It is horrible! She stood up for herself, she is her own advocate. Her methodology may reflect her age, but GOOD FOR HER!

Edited to add: I'd have a talk with her about how to better handle such things, but make sure she knows that she was in the right, overall.

From what you’ve says it sounds like she w as right. I have spoken to many a doctor who has asked irrelevant question, repeated questions they didn’t like the answer to/implied they didn’t believe me, or were generally rude/patronising. Good on your daughter for not putting up with it. It took me a long time to realise it wasn’t me, and that doctors weren’t gods and I could stand up for myself. Female doctors are not necessarily any better than male doctors. It’s not ok to deal to a patient like that and it’s not going to give them the best outcome which is what everyone should be aiming for. Well done on your daughter for realising early that she doesn’t have put up with that.

More sillyness!