DD slept with a 25 year old man

[isbypalm]

I don't know how to feel or react, DD is 16, she is 17 next week, going into Y13. She's smart she got all 8/9s in her GCSEs, she doesn't cause any problems at home, her room in always clean, she doesn't talk back, I never have issues with her.
Last week she went to London to stay with her cousin who is at uni down there (19), they went to Taylor Swift and Noah Kahan together, did some museums like the V&A and just had a nice time. She got home yesterday.
I knew instantly something was wrong, she was quiet, went straight to her room. This morning my older daughter who is 18, just left school came to me and told me that while in London she had used a fake ID (no idea when or how she got this) to go out partying and went home with a 25 year old. Apparently DD2 confided in her as they didn't use protection and she was worried. She said he thought she was 19 and it was consensual but she regrets it. She has been seeing a boy up here who is the same age for about 8 months so not only did she sleep with a 25 year old, she cheated!
DD is tall but I don't think she looks over 18 at all!!!

I haven't spoken to her yet as she went out to her friends for the afternoon but I know she will be home soon and I have no idea what to say.
I don't know which night this was so not sure if the morning after pill will be effective (if it will be I will get it) otherwise I will definitely be getting her an STD test.
I'm so shocked and horrified, how do I handle this?

If the daughter wanted to talk to OP she would.

OP is upset she cheated on her boyfriend and she was her " good kid ".

Her DD isn't comfortable taking to her mom about this. She shouldn't be forced to.

Why is it about the guy

It’s about making sure a 16 year old girl is okay. That is the priority here.

I think the daughter should ideally be on the pill if she in a LTR. The OP should ask if everything is ok because it’ll be easier for the girl with her mum’s practical help to get MAP if that’s an option and STI tests. She might need advice as to how to proceed re the boyfriend. I could never in a million years talk to my mum about anything like this and it just makes everything harder trying to navigate it all on your own.

You are also not my mother, nor are you showing a great deal of of understanding of what it might be like to be a teenager who's worrying about something she's done the next day. Let her process it, she's already told her sister what she's worried about. Why are you trying to make out it MUST be something more than what she's already said?

I think I'm just shocked, she has always been my "good kid"
You keep repeating this. It's sounding rather odd.
I'm just glad my mother never found out about my mistakes. She would have been shocked a d horrified as well.

Again you don’t have a 16 year old daughter do you?

The problem is, it might have been the thing to do however society certainly knows a one-night stand may come at a heavy cost-std-unwanted pregnancy-emotional trauma.
Surely it pays to be prudent when making decisions.

I’m just worried about the girls welfare,

Not sure what the rest of your post is about.

its truly disturbing how many on this thread are actually standing up and saying ‘the op shouldn’t talk to dd’.

Think you’ve responded to the wrong person - it is not me that is remotely interested in “the guy”, but others who are desperate to insinuate grooming/rape.

And her sisters confidence is a totally moot point. The OP knew there was something wrong as soon as she saw her. So that’s where I’d start with mine.

Nobody is saying "she shouldn't talk to DD". Read my post again. I specifically say she should speak to DD.

There's nothing "hard to understand" about my post. I made myself perfectly clear. My point is there is no additional "red flag". You claim that the mother "noticing something is wrong" is one, but given the daughter has already told her sister she's worried, we already KNOW exactly what is wrong because she told her sister. It isn't a "red flag."

Why are you trying to whip up the OP into further panic?

A 16 year old girl who along with a 19 year old woman used deception, including creating fake documents, to coerce a man into sex.

And this is the other side of the "ridiculous" coin. Get over yourself. I really don't think there's any need to blame a teenage girl for wanting to get into a club underage (many of us have done it) and she certainly didn't "coerce" some man into sex.

Don't be so fkin ridiculous.

Is it still full moon or something?

No I didn’t reply to the wrong person

By telling her talk to her daughter?

"DD is tall but I don't think she looks over 18 at all!!!"

So? She's 16. Old enough to consent to sex, whether her lover is 25 or 55.

Has she never been told about contraception or STIs ?

It isn't, because she TOLD her sister exactly what she's worried about already! "DD, you are acting strange." "Yes, mum, I'm feeling worried about all the things I told my sister I was worried about."

I don't think you understand what "moot point" means. What is the additional "red flag" you imagine you can see here?

not true - ella one is 120 hours. although sooner the better for either of them

No, by claiming there are terrible "red flags" that we don't already know about. Read my post again. You appear to have missed the part where I said she should ask her daughter if she's okay. that's "Talking to her daughter". I suggest you stop being disingenuous, it's getting a bit tiresome.

I would be giving older dd the information and support her through this as younger dd has chosen to confide in her. I would supply condoms and pregnancy tests and guide older dd through what to ask for at the doctor etc.

I would also make sure I had conversations which would leave dd able to open up to me if she chose to, but I wouldn't utter a word to her or she may feel like she can't open up to older dd again.

She isn't a bad girl, she has made a stupid teenage mistake that millions of teen girls do. Just work on her being able to open up to you in future.

I would ask her sister to sort out MAP and STI tests asap.

I’m a bit concerned you don’t mention MAP OP?

I agree.

I'm with @ISeriouslyDoubtIt on this.

I think the age gap is irrelevant to an extent.
When I was 17 I used to go to 'discos' (clubs) at that age and everyone who was 17 looked older.

My friend was 18 when she met a man who was 25. Things moved on pretty fast, she was married at 19 and had her first child with him at 22.
They're now in their 70s and still happily married.

It's not the age gap that matters here but the unprotected sex.

Why are you so sure all is well?

Why are you so adamant the OP shouldn’t talk to her daughter?

Very bizarre response.

I'm not, as I've pointed out repeatedly. So really not a "bizarre response" at all.

Learn to read what people have actually said. And do stop projecting, please.