DD slept with a 25 year old man

[isbypalm]

I don't know how to feel or react, DD is 16, she is 17 next week, going into Y13. She's smart she got all 8/9s in her GCSEs, she doesn't cause any problems at home, her room in always clean, she doesn't talk back, I never have issues with her.
Last week she went to London to stay with her cousin who is at uni down there (19), they went to Taylor Swift and Noah Kahan together, did some museums like the V&A and just had a nice time. She got home yesterday.
I knew instantly something was wrong, she was quiet, went straight to her room. This morning my older daughter who is 18, just left school came to me and told me that while in London she had used a fake ID (no idea when or how she got this) to go out partying and went home with a 25 year old. Apparently DD2 confided in her as they didn't use protection and she was worried. She said he thought she was 19 and it was consensual but she regrets it. She has been seeing a boy up here who is the same age for about 8 months so not only did she sleep with a 25 year old, she cheated!
DD is tall but I don't think she looks over 18 at all!!!

I haven't spoken to her yet as she went out to her friends for the afternoon but I know she will be home soon and I have no idea what to say.
I don't know which night this was so not sure if the morning after pill will be effective (if it will be I will get it) otherwise I will definitely be getting her an STD test.
I'm so shocked and horrified, how do I handle this?

Yes. 💯

OP, tell your daughter you know what happened and she needs testing asap. It's obvs too late for morning after pill and explain that. Let her know she can go to you at any time and Do. Not. Judge. 🩷

What is wrong with you??? And "lol" in this situation?? Grow up!

It is a humorous situation when people are justifying a 16 year old orchestrating a planned deception that involves obtaining fake ID, going to clubs, lying about her age and having unprotected sex with a strange man while she has a long term boyfriend sitting back at home like a plum. It might not be a crazily unusual thing for a teenager to do, but they certainly go from being a “good girl/boy” to a “bad girl/boy” if that’s the kind of behaviour they are engaging in.

It’s called being a teenager.

And no, it doesn’t make her a bad kid, you ludicrous person you.

Not a bad girl. FFS it's not 1950. 🤦‍♀️

I would be driving all night to get to an all night chemist! Don’t wait!

Really?
Shes nearly 17 not a baby
i was in a full time job as a supervisor at 16 with huge responsibly

Such a bizarre way of thinking

There is a big difference between bad behaviour and being a bad person.

Did you look at pharmacies that were open?
I would of found one and used any means possible to get it tonight. Christ, waiting till the morning could be the difference between her getting pregnant or not

Well, then I guess it's Thank GOD you're not her mum.
🤦‍♀️
Attitudes like this are so misogynistic.
(Yes, I had to use that word.)

What on earth has your teen job in retail / customer services got to do with anything?

She was out at a grown up club for the first time, probably drinking more then she ever has, being chatted up by men much older than she is, and having got very drunk she lost control of the situation.

It’s something most teens do, even those with responsible jobs, because they are not adults.

You are completely crackers Mr Hairy Hands

My POINT is, You are saying she cant take responsibility of herself because she’s ‘only’ 16 and its not cheating because shes not an adult

Im telling you the ‘responsibility’ i had at 16

Some 16 year olds are parents

Your point that she cant take responsibility is bull !

When I looked the nearest open pharmacy was 60 miles away and shut at 9pm. We live in Cumbria so no big cities near by etc.
We will go first thing tomorrow.

Yes. Because people have the right to be who they are. Whether other people like it or not. People with differing moral codes will always exist because people have personalities, we're not all clones thinking the exact same things and behaving the exact same ways.

I don't think it's nice if she's cheated on him and not nice again if she doesn't tell him. But my opinion is irrelevant, it's her decision. Goodness knows the world is full of cheaters and I don't imagine all their partner's always find out/are told. People saying she has to tell him, no she doesn't, it's her decision nobody else's.

Whether she tells him or not, hopefully she won't put his health at risk by having sex with him before she's had STI tests. But lots of people get into sexual relationships where they end up having sex without a condom and neither party has had an STI test first so has no idea whether they're putting someone else's health at risk. That's fairly normal I think. I reckon most people don't get an STI test ever unless they believe they may have caught something.

It's a bit late since it's nearly tomorrow now but I think you can get it from a&e too. I'm glad she confided in you. It's alcohol causes all the problems by clouding people's judgement but what's done is done. I hope she's ok.

Awk will you wise up and stop shaming the girl for being human for god sake.

The only disgusting thing is your attitude
She's a kid and she made a mistake
most kids do

Ridiculous attitude .

Unlikely she’s pregnant, unlikely she’s got an STI but testing and emergency contraception is a good idea. She’s probably more upset and wounded because it’s unlikely to have been an ego boosting experience. The guy probably wasn’t very interested after the fact and now she’s got a boyfriend that won’t think well of her either. She needs a bit of support and compassion.

I would have gone to A and E to get her MAP if that was my only option ( or called 111 and asked them to find an open pharmacy)

I also would have considered driving 60 miles!

that is a genuine emergency. a lot less stressful than an abortion (speaking from experience as I got pregnant at 16) .

Stay calm Op - it's really within the normal range of behaviour for a teen and it's amazing she told you.

I'm quite shocked at these reactions. She's 16 years old and she left a club with a 25 year old man that she didn't know, in a city that she didn't know to go back to his house heaven knows where. She's incredibly lucky that this didn't end up in a horrible outcome. Did her cousin have a clue where she was - as in Find My Friends or something enabled? If not then no one knew where she was or who she was with. She was also drunk so didn't have her wits about her to react if there had been a bad situation. She made herself so incredibly vulnerable. The sex here is not the 'shocking' part of this. It's the lack of recognition of just how dangerous this situation was. This easily could have ended in rape or serious harm. This completely different than a 16 year old having a few drinks at a friends party and sleeping with a boy from school. That scenario is quite a common teen 'mistake' or experience. This is really not. I would be very worried about the scale of danger that she put herself into by going home with this man. I would be emphasising the danger because this is not a situation that she wants to put herself into again.

@ilovepuppies2019 I agree it is very risky. It is also very usual for young women to get into very risky situations at least once in their life.

Absolutely, but that's why I would want to respond to that if I was the OP and I'm concerned that many of the posts seem to be suggesting that the OP treats this as normal. Normalising highly risky situations is dangerous and very different to normalising sex in your teens. Of course the OP needs to be supportive and a rock for her during this scary time but my goodness I would be letting her know just how scary and dangerous this was. My personal opinion is that many of these responses are under responding and not emphasizing the extreme risk and vulnerability.