DD slept with a 25 year old man

[isbypalm]

I don't know how to feel or react, DD is 16, she is 17 next week, going into Y13. She's smart she got all 8/9s in her GCSEs, she doesn't cause any problems at home, her room in always clean, she doesn't talk back, I never have issues with her.
Last week she went to London to stay with her cousin who is at uni down there (19), they went to Taylor Swift and Noah Kahan together, did some museums like the V&A and just had a nice time. She got home yesterday.
I knew instantly something was wrong, she was quiet, went straight to her room. This morning my older daughter who is 18, just left school came to me and told me that while in London she had used a fake ID (no idea when or how she got this) to go out partying and went home with a 25 year old. Apparently DD2 confided in her as they didn't use protection and she was worried. She said he thought she was 19 and it was consensual but she regrets it. She has been seeing a boy up here who is the same age for about 8 months so not only did she sleep with a 25 year old, she cheated!
DD is tall but I don't think she looks over 18 at all!!!

I haven't spoken to her yet as she went out to her friends for the afternoon but I know she will be home soon and I have no idea what to say.
I don't know which night this was so not sure if the morning after pill will be effective (if it will be I will get it) otherwise I will definitely be getting her an STD test.
I'm so shocked and horrified, how do I handle this?

Encourage your older daughter to give her the good advice about MAP (if still relevant) and sexual health clinic. And following up with her after period is due.

I’d also be asking older DD to be on the lookout for signs that it really is just regret. We’ve all been there and she’ll get over it! But if she is inexperienced and has gone home with a 25yo, it’s possible that while consensual - or what she considers consensual - she might have had experiences that were beyond her comfort levels and that could be causing some confused feelings.

I did lots of stupid things at that age and my parents had no clue. She’s old enough to sort out the MAP and sti test.

The fact he was 25 is really neither here nor there, what's important is your DD was silly enough to have sex without precautions. Yes, she's embarrassed, and no, she doesn't want to talk to you about it, but unless she wants to be a DM at 18 she needs to make sure she's not pregnant. Telling her usual BF is another thing but that can wait

It's not really to do with sex. Dd is probably already having sex with her regular boyfriend. Op is saying that dd is normally a "good kid" in terms of behaviour. Obviously in London she decided to go wild, act older and willingly go home with a man. She wasn't groomed or coerced and obviously knew he wasn't using a condom. She put herself in a really unsafe, risky situation anf needs educating about that so it doesn't happen again.

Hardly enabling them

Well if she's going to talk to you don't make out she's a bad kid or that's she's done something wring ,she hasn't she's had sex
I would never have confided in my mum at that age because she was really weird about sex

It's a tough one 😬

That still doesn't mean she's stopped being a good kid.

She's just a 16 year old who made a stupid decision - they all do it.

This thread reminds me of going to the pharmacist for the MAP - pharmacist v judgmental and asked what I was studying, I told him and he said “then you should know better” was an awful attitude and actually the condom had spilt with a regular partner. I was being sensible. I thought attitudes had changed. The DD in this thread isn’t bad, she’s a teenager living her life!

Nothing to do with porn
In my single dats most men didn't like using condoms, they would if asked ,but only when asked ime.

OP you need to talk to your daughter and find out if it really was consensual.

Something jolted with me as you said you knew immediately something was wrong and the sex was unprotected. When I had that feeling about a 16 year old when I was a teacher she had been raped. That scumbag was also 25 and the bastard got her drunk then raped her.

I’m really worried about her from what you’ve written.

Don't be ridiculous
She got drunk and had a one night stand ,it happens it's not ideal
But she wasn't groomed.

And it’s just coincidence that the OP ‘knew something was wrong’ the second she walked in then?

Oh for fucks sake, women and girls are allowed to fuck up without it being an abusive situation by a man. She wasn't groomed. She used a fake ID to go to a club/bar then she lied about her age to a bloke before choosing to have sex with him. There is absolutely no grooming there and she did cheat on her boyfriend.

STIs are extremely unlikely from a one off casual sex encounter.
I presume she has had the chlamydia vaccine?

Let's not turn it into something its not.

Oh for fucks sake you know she chose to have sex with him how exactly?

And you know this how exactly?

Maybe she feels guilty for cheating on her boyfriend of 8 months? Maybe she's worried she may be pregnant? There was no fucking grooming. Grooming doesn't happen over the space of a couple of hours ffs.

It doesn’t make her a bad kid. It’s very normal for 16 year olds to have sex. Obviously not good to go without protection but again, she won’t be the first and hopefully it’s a lesson. The only person who should be feeling any shame is the 25 year old man. Ugh.

She hasn’t talked to her daughter yet.

Knowing something is wrong doesn't mean she's been raped or groomed, don't let your imagination run riot it doesn't help anyone.
She's probably upset because she regrets that's all.

Except she apparently thought he was 19, and he likely thought she was 18.

That's hardly "grooming" or "ewww" territory, is it? Bit different when everyone knows everyone's ages,

Teenagers have sex sometimes. Including having one night stands. It doesn't make her "a bad kid" or the bloke in this case a "groomer." They should, however, have used protection, it is VERY silly not to.

It’s possible she felt guilty/ regretted it.

it is also completely possible there is more to this.