Would you see him as a victim? - Family unreasonable or am I being sensitive?

[Beachywave]

Long story short - my 16yo DS has been charged with supply of class A & class B (county lines situation).

He's in court in two weeks - he's pleading guilty but very clearly has not come about doing this on his own and there has been a situation of exploitation and coercion.

My family (his grandparents, aunts, uncles etc) want nothing to do with him and are treating him like a criminal. (Side note - they all smoke weed & drink alcohol, I do not).

AIBU to think they're all being hypocritical tw*ts and that it's actually extremely damaging to him that he's got no support from the people who are supposed to love him unconditionally?

Or should I accept they have their own opinions and that he has done wrong?

He's just a kid. I wouldn't turn my back on a family member in this situation.

You have to move OP. Your son is involved with some very nasty people and his name will be mud. You all need a fresh start.

NRM = https://www.gov.uk/guidance/report-modern-slavery-as-a-first-responder

§45 https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2015/30/section/45/enacted

OP, please lawyer up because you need to know if §45 could apply to your DS.

And I really hope things look up soon, OP. I feel for you

I find it hard to believe that your family haven't realised they literally pay people to be drug dealers! They can't think badly of someone who is essentially employed to do what they pay people for!

Once you get to the age of 16 I don't think the unconditional love bit is relevant.

It's sentimental, and doesn't fit the circumstances here, namely a criminal charge.

What if he had kidnapped, killed, or raped someone? What if he had driven drunk and killed or maimed a child? Where would you draw the line and feel it was reasonable to stop supporting him?

You're being a bit hypocritical yourself here - you clearly don't think supplying class A or B drugs is a biggie.

But he didn't rape, murder, kidnap, or drink-drive. He sold drugs under coercion, drugs that the same family who've disowned him are happy to take.

This kind of attitude will do your son no good whatsoever.

At some point he needs to own what he did, and you need to stop indulging this victim baloney.

You have some power here. You have hard choices to make.

If he won't talk to his solicitor, then you need to assure him you'll move him far out of the area and away from anyone he's afraid of, and if he still won't talk then tell him he's on his own.

Are there really parents whose attachment to their children is so weak that they can withdraw love and support from a 16yo who has made a serious mistake?

You bet your ass I'd still love mine if they raped or murdered someone. I would be devastated, disgusted and ashamed, and I wouldn't shield them from the legal consequences, but no, my love for my children isn't conditional.

Yes you are a judgemental twat because I'm not a drug user, I don't even drink more than two or three times a year!
His step dad and wider family are devout Muslims.
Absolutely nothing to do with his upbringing but thanks for your kind assumptions about me.

@mathanxiety reposting this for you:
https://nationalcrimeagency.gov.uk/what-we-do/crime-threats/drug-trafficking/county-lines^^ very clear on the coercion and the deliberate preying on children and vulnerable (e.g. disabled) people

So you don't take sale of class A and B drugs seriously?

I'm 95% sure his his youth justice worker would have done this as part of her pre-sentence assessment/report. She's very very good and completely advocates for him as a victim and as a person.

No, I don't, not compared to assaults on people, which is the set of crimes you chose to compare coerced drug dealing to.

If these drugs were regulated and legally available, the gangs, cuckooing, drugs mules, coercion, violence, county lines, and all the other criminal activities associated with them would drop to the same low level that exists for cigarettes and alcohol. If these drugs were regulated and legally available, no one would be killed or harmed through a "bad E" or the drugs being "cut" with talc/flour/scouring powder/etc. If these drugs were regulated and legally available, the regs could mandate that a user gets a free fresh needle with each dose to stop needle sharing and the associated spread of HIV and Hep B.

So much of the harm of illegal drugs is because they are illegal. Successive Parliaments have balked at banning tobacco because it will cause more harm criminalised than it does regulated and legally available, yet they don't have the sense to apply this logic to other drugs.

What are you talking about?

He hasn't done any of that, and what he was done he was coerced into doing.

Ask, nonetheless.

Honestly I’d just double check- you would have been made aware if one had been done as the NRM process is total separate to the PSR process etc.
Glad his YJS worker is advocating on his behalf and I hope it all works out for the best for him. The criminal justice system for young people is very child focused.

If my son was caught selling ecstasy or dodgy valium I would be so disappointed he could have hurt someone, if it was cocaine I would just be angry he put his future in trouble

@WiseKhakiGoose and I will never choose anyone over my own children.

Thanks for validating my feelings on this. I'm praying for a positive outcome from all of this. I've seen how of a wake up call it's been and most of all the relief that he's not in this life anymore.

Ignore that poster, OP. They’re obviously not very bright.

I don't understand your logic. Any drugs can be cut with the wrong things. It's not the teenager who's cutting it, it's someone higher up the chain who doesn't give a shit about the lives of the user or the runner.

@Apolloneuro Thank you, I won't.

He had a choice, he doesn't need it to define his whole life but maybe it would help him more if you admitted he had a choice and chose the wrong one

He can deal with it and move on but this 'oh it was not his fault other people are to blame' line no matter how you justify it may make him not make the best choices next time

You seem to want to blame everyone else but him

@SpringerFall reposting this for you as well:
https://nationalcrimeagency.gov.uk/what-we-do/crime-threats/drug-trafficking/county-lines very clear on the coercion and the deliberate preying on children and vulnerable (e.g. disabled) people

Yes, selling class A and B drugs is a serious offence. But, the only people who should be charged with it are those who coercive control a 16 year old to sell it! Not the poor 16 year old boy who is a victim.

Do you think you can browse the internet, find an ad, meet with any drug dealer and tell him: "Hey give me X amount of drugs, I'm starting selling it and trust me, I'll pay you back once I'll sell it." And they will happily just give you big quantities of drugs, with no upfront money in order for you to sell it on your own?

There's always an adult who did it all, gave the drugs to a child, told him where to go and meet the client, sell it and took the money! All of this while coercive controlled him by verbal abuse and physical violence!

What would you do if someone will put a gun to your head or a knife to your neck and threatened you? Would you go and sell the drugs or say, no it's ok, kill me, I don't care because I have morals and I'm afraid of the police?

It's easy to be smart and judgemental while you are home safe and nobody is threatening you.