Help - have looked in DDs diary and feel sick, devastated, that she is having sex

[tearinghairout]

She is 14.3. She told me a few weeks ago that she was going out with someone (14.1)

She didn't say any more so I started looking in her diary (awful, I know, - two of my friends with DDs the same age do it....) Anyway, lots of stuff like 'we hugged at the bus stop'. Aah. I know that at Youth Club they do lots of things about contraception - they practise putting condoms on a fake willy at 13!! So a couple of weeks ago I forced myself to talk about sex with her. I said that people didn't need to do anything they didn't want to, and the under-16 law is there to protect people. She said 'Mum, we do all that stuff at school' so I left it. We've also had plenty of discussion about abortion etc because of the storyline on Corrie recently. Not sure if at 14 that's 'real' though.

Then she found out through the grapevine that he'd 'done it' with his previous gf (15) & was upset. (diary again) Now she's out & I looked in her diary again - it described something that happened outside Youth Club last week. She says 'it' happened out of the blue & she wasn't very good ('but will get better with practice, he he').

I can't tell you how sickened I feel. I told DH & he said perhaps it's just a hand job or whatever, but that he'd noticed someone had googled Durex the other day (not us).

Whatever do I say to her before next Youth Club???

Effie, that did cross my mind too. There is a friend's mum who is a lot more 'touchy-feely' than I am & more forward & open. If DD wanted to confide in an adult she'd choose her, but I have a feeling that DD will be keeping things private, or just tell a mate.

I don't think there's a problem with 'half-truths' these days. The govt/school/youth club make sure they know the full works, in theory anyway.(Whether they understand how it affects your feelings, I doubt.)

I did tell DD & DS a while back that when I was at school, some people thought you wouldn't get pg if you did it standing up, & I was relieved that they'd never heard that one & were amazed that anyone would believe it!

What I'm finding hard to get used to is that there is no mystery to sex with them - they seem to have all the facts, whereas with us there was a lot we didn't 'get' & was something you did when you were 'grown up'.

I have to say I breathed a sigh of relief when DD1 turnrd 16,and an even bigger one at 18!