DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

There is so much misinformation on this thread. I used to be a child protection SW. I can guarantee no one is being prosecuted or going on the SO register of the sex was consensual.

Next time get him out walking the dog and you stay indoors!

Sorry, what? Are you alright?

Why would a 14 year old be placed on a register for having sex with a 15 year old?

Nice to see that male bashing is still out in force! 😀

I don't think this is out of norm behaviour for teenagers. It was good he spoke to you about it, don't ruin the trust you clearly have. I lost my v at 15.

Hmm 🤔

I was having sex at 14 like most teenagers but i was doing it without protection so the fact he's using protection shows you've done something right

Absolutely! The dog can cross his legs for ever more!!

Thankyou for all the replies. Some helpful, some very much not so.

I dont want to have a knee jerk conversation with DS now and say the wrong thing. I'm going to let it sink in. He's not seeing her again until school next week.

Wow though, parenting is so difficult, it's the challenge of a lifetime and the kicked in the guts feeling when you've got something wrong never gets easier.

This isn't really relevant but my mums currently having treatment, stage 4 cancer, its taken up so much of my energy, time, emotions, I feel like I've started grieving already and I haven't had my eye on things as I usually would. DH works away alot so it often falls to me (although he's an amazing parent). Life just feels like a mess and I cant tidy it up, no matter how hard I try.

No it can’t.

Firstly they’re both underage.

secondly there is no such charge as ‘statuary rape’ in the UK

Most people have sex when they’re nearly 15 OP. He was sensible, it’s fine.

Why do people come out with this shite every time there is a thread like this?

OP try not to be hard on yourself here- this happens a lot and if both of them felt they were emotionally ready I don't know how parents could stop it barring locking them up!

I think what a few people have said about letting your DH speak to him about it, but decide between you what you want to say. I think suggesting two types of contraception is a good idea so if there is a confirm failure pregnancy is less likely.

I had sex at 15. So did 90% of my friends. So was half of my year group. It’s completely normal. The only difference is we didn’t tell our parents.
He used protection and told his dad. I think you’ve done a good job in parenting him

@Sunflower8848 by your logic, then it’s the OP that should go to the police and press charges as she is older than him let’s forget it’s only by a few months…

It’s stupid. It’s just two teens having consensual sex. Not great but not the end if the world either.

OP it is great that your confidence building worked. As difficult as underage sex and all its risks are to navigate, a life time of crippling anxiety over his sexual appeal would also be devastating.

I don’t think you can put the genie back in the bottle, but you might be able to get them to hold back a bit and not get lax about contraception. I would have your DH (and maybe you too) talk with him about all the reasons why underage sex is undesirable. About it protecting them both from the lifelong consequences of pregnancy (not just the possibility of a child and the physical challenges of pregnancy and financial impact, but also possibly having to face deciding about abortion and living with that decision - a question adults can find difficult and contentious); dealing with emotional strain that they aren’t that experienced to handle as sex releases hormones that change the way we feel; risks of hurting themselves and the person they love; etc.

I would also, possibly, try and leave them alone less often but not if it meant they spent less time at the house - as that suggests they are seeking out less suitable places to have sex. Might not be very practical at their ages, though.

The right thing to do is to ensure you keep lines of communication open, and plenty of condoms in the bathroom.

@Lambbaba281 id start by having a chat with him (again) on using a condom etc….

Because he already has had sex, I think that insisting on the door open, having a go at him etc… brings the risk of them finding much more unsafe places.
The door has been crossed so I’d concentrate on the contraception side if things.

Threads like this make me so fucking cross.

The son is younger. Why isn't the girl being charged with statuary rape?

This!
It's not unusual for teenagers of this age to have sex.

I'm just sat here hoping this isn't my daughter OP. Are you planning to tell her parents? Or is their daughter?

OP, have to say that I actually think you've done well here. He's lost his virginity with a girlfriend of 6 months, at home, with contraception and he trusts his dad enough to tell him. I'm not going to go into too much detail but I was a few years older when i had sex for the first time and completely taken advantage of someone at least 6 years older than me and where it happened was horrible. When I was his age 15 years ago, I was in the minority for not having lost my virginity at 14/15.
Hope you're okay x

I’d absolutely talk to him about condoms not being 100% and not relying on them! They can break, come off etc and even with perfect use they aren’t 100% anyway. I wouldn’t want to risk a teen pregnancy! I’d also ask him if her parents are aware and encourage that conversation is had so that she can be as safe as possible too.

Apart from the fact that offence doesn’t exist?

Nobody is! Why does this thread make you cross rather than the two posters who are ignorant and wrong?

This is completely false!

Which one do you think is doing the raping exactly?