DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

No.

If it was my daughter she would be on contraceptives.

Though to be fair with the way my periods were and with the issues some of my friends had we were on them anyway. I did have other friends whose mothers weren't risking anything and took them down to the family planning clinic either when they knew they were sexually active or at 16.

@Onceuponaheartache what a load of old shit 🤣

I deal with this professionally there is no crime here, the police will not prosecute.

@Lambbaba281 this: Is it illegal for two minors to sleep together UK?
According to the Sexual Offences Act 2003, it's a criminal offence for any kind of sexual activity to take place between two people where one or both participants is under 16. take of that what you will!

https://www.proceduresonline.com/durham/scb/punderage_sexual_act.html

https://www.ageofconsent.net/world/united-kingdom

No it isn't!! Perhaps educate yourself.

How many prosecutions happen?

Please stop saying this! You're simply wrong. There is No Such Offence in the sexual offences act of 2003. They are both children so no, neither of them has perpetrated illegal sexual activity with a child. Neither of them is an adult perpetrator. If she gets pregnant she gets pregnant- it doesn't invalidate her capacity to consent. If either parent claims it wasn't consensual and this is contradicted by the children involved then there is no offence. In any case if either child didn't consent it would simply be rape or sexual assault, not 'statutory' rape or 'sexual activity with a child'. It's amazing how confidentiality wrong some people insist on being.

Which section of that act contains the phrase ‘statutory rape’?

It’s a normal age to become sexually active. It’s not up to you to decide that he should wait til he’s 16.

The act also acknowledges that mutually consensual sexual activity between children age 13-15 is possible and CPS guidance was updated to prevent inappropriate prosecutions.

Tell him he’s still a child and shouldn’t be having sex. End of. Too many parents these days are allowing their children to have sex too young .

Do you think that will work?

"No it isn't!! Perhaps educate yourself."

Educate myself? Done it and bought the T-shirt since it's my fucking job 😅😅

You are simply wrong @Onceuponaheartache

Does he understand that it’s a sexual offence to have sex with someone under 16? Worse case scenario the girls parents find out and press charges, could be put on sex offenders register.

This used to happen a lot when we were teenagers in the 2000s, but I am guessing it’s much less common now for two 15 year-olds to have sex?

I wonder why that is?

Not saying it’s right, but just curious as to what has changed in the last 20 years to make two 15 year-olds having sex essentially a taboo now.

Neither of those links are to the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

I will be following my parents way when my DD is this kind of age. Knowing that when I was 15, trying to stop me from doing anything would have pushed me into doing it (regardless of whether I'd actually wanted to originally), I won't be trying to stop anything.

We'll be having open conversations, and if its going to happen I'd rather it was somewhere she's safe and secure, and if she feels anything other than safe and secure she has us as support.

More bollocks

Please stop!
he's a child. He hasn't committed any criminal offence by having consensual sex with another child. Why would he be prosecuted and not her? Because he's a boy? Although he's in fact the younger party?

I think it's a sign that you have done a great job on the relationship your DH has with him, i can only hope we maintain the same with our DS at this age.

But in all honesty at 14/15 i don't think its that young, although very much not ideal. I think maintaining the stance of hes done a really good thing in opening up about it and being honest. Keep using protection and does the girl use protection as well ??

The parents cannot ‘press charges’

I don’t think they’re allowing it so much as they can’t do much to stop it. A 15 year-old will naturally spend a fair bit of time out of sight of their parents - school, after school clubs, socialising with friends. Or they could easily lie about their whereabouts.

"the girls parents find out and press charges"

Could they? 🤔🤣

😂😂😂 teenagers having sex with other teenagers isn't gonna affect them for the rest of their lives.

Who do you think is raping who in this scenario? Its been happening since the beginning of time. Yes they're quite young but it's hardly rape.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/contents

here is the act. Where does it set out the offence of statutory rape?