DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

I doubt a condom could of fit on him tbh. So your right to be doubtful off that. But it's not the worst thing in the world at the end of the day it's your house. No more visits till they learn respect of boundrys

???

That poster doesnt have children at all

I mean neither do I tbf although my teenage nephew lives with me hence clicking on the thread to see what I need to be concerned about, but even before he moved in I wasn't arrogant enough to assume I know how easy it is to control teenagers when I've never had children

In this world it’s very normal for teenagers to be having sex.
Just because an under 18 is technically a ‘child’ - a 15 year old is a teenager which is very different, and they are very capable emotionally and physically to have a consensual sex life.

🤣 have you ever met a teenager? Were you ever one? Also this has been going on since time immemorial, you make it sound like this generation invented underage sex.

They will have sex. This is guaranteed. How and where they do and with what precautions is related to how you handle it. What are the alternatives to what they are doing?

The answer is doing it in secret, without contraception somewhere dodgy. It WILL happen. Trying to stop it is like King Cnut and the tide.

I would be very proud if a lad who had confided in his dad so openly and used contraception.

YOU dont say anything

He confided in his father
You cant tell him you know, if you do, you risk him not telling his dad anything else. And he may need advice in the future

His nearly 15, its very normal, and imo, better in a warm safe house with a condom than up a tree unprotected, They will find a way anyway, so best to be as safe as possible

Just wanted to send you a huge hug OP, the same thing happened with my child at 14, I was in the house, they were in another room, probably not left unsupervised for more than 10-15 mins but if happened. I only found out as they didn’t use protection and ended up with a trip to the clinic. I was really upset but unfortunately I think a lot of kids are having sex at 14 and there’s only so much you can control what they do.

Why?

I know this is missing the point of the thread, but.... why do so many posters need the condoms to be in the bathroom?

Number Theory - I disagree. Our age of consent is clear cut. It's 16. The law does not consider it possible to consent until 16 to sex. It's not called "statutory rape" anymore though; it's sexual assault under the Act.

We're agreed it isn't a police matter. The CPS would not bring charges.
The worst that could potentially happen is that they could find themselves on a register if social services got involved. But it would not happen unless there was a hint of coercion or something. It's just not relevant in this situation. I would however want the comfort of knowing that the girl's mum was in the loop if my son and his GF were doing this for a number of reasons...

I'm not sure how helpful this discussion of the law is for the OP who wants advice on what to do.

Condoms, the pill and plenty of education on possible consequences!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey.

Its brilliant and to be commended he confided in your dh. Many teens wouldn't have done this.

Jesus Christ, I hate this. I bet, I BET, the gf wasn't pushing for sex. It's always the boy who instigate. Fucks sake.

Oh my god, you freaking sicko.

@Kdubs1981
Why?

Because at this age she's still so young and I'd hope it didn't have a negative effect on her future, her GCSEs, her happiness. And because kids this age change their minds about things, and tell other kids the things they've done.

It not ideal.

Wtaf are you talking about

Don’t need to do anything, this is normal teenage behaviour. If you don’t like it in your home don’t leave them unsupervised!

Where do teenagers have sex?

I wouldn't be happy about them doing it in my home at that age but then again when I was walking my dogs a couple of months ago there were kids of a similar age doing it in the woods and that isn't ideal either. At least he is being responsible, taking precautions although I would encourage him to make sure she is on the pill too.

And the boy? The younger boy?

The most ineffective advice ever.

I was writing as the parent of the girl. They're both virtually the same age. But the boy has told his DF. The girls parents may not know. It sounds like OP has her end covered (for want of a better expression) but I do think that it's worth thinking about the girl in this scenario too.

Not the actual girl. I hope.

My terminology may have been out of date but this is what i was attempting to get across.

As I stated if one parties patents felt that there was coercion then there could be legal ramifications.

I first had sex at 15, only just 15. It was a one night stand with a slightly older guy I vaguely knew and never saw again. It wasn’t great but I fully consented and I wasn’t pressured into it. It wasn’t traumatic in any way, didn’t lead to a teen pregnancy and didn’t impact my ability to have happy healthy relationships for the rest of my life.

Your son is in a relationship and while he may seem young, waiting until he’s older isn’t necessarily going to have a more favourable outcome. As long as he understands respect, consent and contraception then him and his girlfriend will be fine.