DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

He said he liked two girls at school, asked one of them out then was told she was a slag so he was put off her.

All that fancy education really has embedded that misogyny hasn't it.

I can't afford private education for the DC...and this is why threads get deleted because posters don't read a thread properly.

You must be getting a PP confused with someone else's.

@Vettrianofan ah yes, when you said your son was "exactly the same" I assumed you meant in situation as well. Good to see you wanting that bit corrected and not the "she's a slag" bit.

So just a regular education and misogyny then.

@Vettrianofan

He said he liked two girls at school, asked one of them out then was told she was a slag so he was put off her.

Did you challenge your son on using or accepting such a misogynist slur about a girl in his school? How depressing if not.

Of course they didn't
They posted it as something to be proud of.

I'm heartened that the majority here are appalled by the misogyny.

Again, misreading of posts is happening.... I have not called anyone a derogatory term, DS however was told this by others in his year group at school. Hope that helps. I don't agree with it either, no one should be calling anyone a derogatory term, male female or otherwise.

It appears to me that certain posters have deliberately misconstrued a comment to cause upset and completely derail this thread. Absolutely uncalled for.

Why did you repeat the offensive expression on here then?

Did you call your son out when he used that expression?

There's some serious backpedaling going on here.

I explained that it is wrong to use that term of course. It goes without saying. If I spoke that way at home it wouldn't be a surprise but I don't, neither does anyone else in the family 🤷🏻 he just repeated what had been said to him at school.

As I have said, my comment earlier has been completely taken out of context.

You said it twice. First you said she was a 'slag' so that was the reason your son didn't like her and then you said she was 'promiscuous '

If anyone gets this thread deleted it is you.

Why did you use that expression on here then?

Your backpedaling is not convincing anyone.

You never mentioned calling him out on his misogyny. You posted this anecdote as evidence he wasn't that interested in girls.

You say that but my son was taken in for questioning for being 15 and having consensual sex with a 15 year old. He was interviewed under caution for sex with a minor. Nothing came of it but it was a harrowing time. Police certainly did investigate as the school reported it!

As I have said, my comment earlier has been completely taken out of context.

No it hasn't. Your comment and the follow up about the girl being "promiscuous" was taken completely in the context you posted. Your backpedaling is not fooling anyone.

At a work conference we were told that the same year that the Internet became commonplace was when the age of teenage pregnancy rates went down....

If I spoke that way at home it wouldn't be a surprise but I don't, neither does anyone else in the family 🤷🏻 he just repeated what had been said to him at school.

Your son told you and you it repeated it on here as an explanation of why he wasn't interested in the girl.

No, you are twisting my words to suit your own agenda.

Exactly. He was put off a girl because of what others had said about her. I don't agree with it either!

I can certainly believe it, hard to drag them off their PCs these days 😂

@Vettrianofan

You used the word 'slag' so casually in a sentence where it would have been really easy to use another description that it really, really doesn't sound like you are bothered by the term at all tbh.

You sound really excited at the prospect of your son only having relationships at arm's length and I think that's doing him a disservice tbh.

It's far more emotionally enriching to meet and date a nice girl who lives locally than 'date' someone in another continent you've never met.

I'm surprised you're ok with her visiting in the summer as you seem so anti him having actual relationships. Are you not expecting him to want to enjoy some alone time with her in person or when she stays? Will she not be staying at your house?

As I have said several times now....I don't go around using that type of terminology. All my previous posts on MN can be checked, I don't go around posting derogatory terminology. I was commenting on why he wasn't interested. Just accept it has been a genuine cross wires situation and move on like I am trying to do?

She's staying at a hotel in nearby town, if she can afford the flight. He is 16, so not much I can do if he has sex but offer contraception advice. Just like anyone else. If you can get married at 16, you can have sex🤷🏻He has friends through a sport he does weekly so he does have contact with the outside world.

Apologies to anyone upset by any of my comments, no offence was meant.

Also I am sorry for your situation OP, I hope things get easier for you. It's tough raising teenagers.

Except you did.

@Vettrianofan

How old is the online girlfriend? Seems sad and not especially safe for her to stay alone in a hotel in a whole new continent (to her).

I want to believe you as I know full well how something innocent can be misconstrued.

But then you say this

I don't go around posting derogatory terminology. I was commenting on why he wasn't interested

You are saying he wasn't interested because she was a 'slag' or because she is 'promiscuous'

Can you not see why this is offensive?

Interesting about the Internet. Is that due to gaming or porn?

It might be a tiny bit due to teenagers from more religious or strict backgrounds being able to learn about contraception when they otherwise might not be taught about it

That is a far nicer reason than I had imagined.
I guess also being able to find places to access contraception.