DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

There is no reference to statutory rape in that document. Because n England and wales it doesn’t exist as an offence.

You cannot control what teenagers do. If you make them keep the bedroom door open or ban them from going upstairs they will just find somewhere else to do it that might not be as safe.

Be thankful that your son feels safe and confident enough to let your husband know what happened and proud that he used a condom.

I know this. The use of the term statutory rape is never not wrong in the UK however and also totally irrelevant to this thread as a concept (if it's being used as you describe) since both children are over 13.

"Drunk driving" doesn't exist as an offence, yet we all know that when someone uses the everyday term "drunk driving" they refer to offences under part one sections four and five of the Road Traffic Act 1988.

The everyday term "statutory rape" refers to offences where a victim cannot consent to sexual acts because of their age and the perpetrator cannot claim ignorance of the victim's age as a defence. In England, we have such an offence in part one section five of the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

The use of the term statutory rape is never not wrong in the UK

Why do you say this? It's an everyday term, not a legal one. I'm unaware of any reason not to use everyday language in this thread.

also totally irrelevant to this thread as a concept (if it's being used as you describe) since both children are over 13

My first post to this thread stated that. My second post gave the pragmatic advice that the poster asked for.

My 16yo is out dog walking daily as one of his chores. Give them plenty to get on with. Also sorry to hear about your mum, hopefully she has all the pain meds she needs to be comfortable ❤️

my boy is 14

he is honestly so far removed from having sex. Goes to a private boys school, which doesn’t finish 5.30 and then sports / clubs until 6.30 earliest, then home for dinner and then 60 mins homework and then he flakes in front of TV for an hour and then bed.

Saturday morning has school. Afternoon is matches.

Sunday is gaming, tv and homework

No time let alone opportunity for sex

long may it last!!

i’m not smug! i’m just saying that his life is so full of school and sport - that no opp. to even have a girlfriend let alone be left alone at home to have sex with her!

*my boy is 14

he is honestly so far removed from having sex. Goes to a private boys school, which doesn’t finish 5.30 and then sports / clubs until 6.30 earliest, then home for dinner and then 60 mins homework and then he flakes in front of TV for an hour and then bed.

Saturday morning has school. Afternoon is matches.

Sunday is gaming, tv and homework

No time let alone opportunity for sex

long may it last!!*

And obviously they're all different.

People on mumsnet are batshit about being all over their children’s private lives. Yes, it’s a shock when you realise your baby is on the path to adulthood and is experiencing sexual maturity. But my God, cringing in the extreme to have one’s parents handwringing over consensual safe sex in a loving partnership. Back off mums. It’s all good.

No, you are not smug just naieve.

Firstly, and this is quite a big one so sit down- your son doesn't need a girl to be having sex.

Secondly if he does like girls then sports and clubs give opportunities.

Thirdly, there may come a time when your kid demands some downtime. Poor lad.

This thread has some crazies on it.

They are both underage having sex . Neither will be prosecuted , why the scare tactics????

OP came to talk not listen to this nonsense!

Sex is not unheard of in private boys’ schools, from what I hear.

not his level of rugby!

oh i know it’s coming… no doubt about that.

Just not relevant to him atm because he’s a 14 year old who honestly just does t have the opportunity to have sex.

It was the same with me at that age. Private girls school, long commute, long hours and loads of sports

He does have the opportunity!

@rochethenut that was such a weird post.

Who cares what your son's timetable is and why he doesn't have opportunities for sex ( with girls ) even on a Sunday.

Honestly " not his level of rugby "

Seen it all now.

I don’t really understand why you feel like this OP. I’m in my 20s and it was less than a decade ago that I was 14. 14 year olds think about sex to the same extent adults do. They don’t magically become aware of sex at 16 or on their wedding night. There’s loads of pressure on teens to date and have sex. Did you make assumptions that he wouldn’t have sex with his girlfriend or that they wouldn’t get intimate when alone together? It’s not pleasant hearing about any family member having sex, but it was going to happen at one point as it’s just part of life ultimately.

I think as you’ve already had conversations with him about sex, the main reason you feel uncomfortable with this is because you’re realising that he’s growing up and is no longer a baby, and is on track to adulthood? As the situation itself isn’t really that complicated. You might be building up this to be a major milestone in your head.

Oh the naivety

Please stop torturing yourself . He had teenage sex he hasn’t taken a life .

All we can do is give advice and be open to talk and support. Your a mum doing your best .

Talk about sti’s ,condoms , pregnancy and if you feel he would listen talk about being illegal at his age . Also remind him of the huge life change a baby would be and that you what him to have a life first .
Be easy on yourself and he’s just a teen doing what teens do .

fair point

and re the rugby i only meant that there’s no girls in the club and rightfully so - it’s brutal as they get older - but i certainly see how that came across

And you thought this would be helpful to the OP how?

Not helpful, just trying to sound superior

Omg why are people so hung up on rape (statutory or not). Sure it’s important but context is just as important. This is not relevant at all given the circumstances of the op.

I would be shocked as well if my 14 year old was having sex, but more relieved that they were sensible and talking to me (or their Dad) about it.

it happens.

Some really uptight posters on here who seem to have little concept of reality.

and re the rugby i only meant that there’s no girls in the club and rightfully so - it’s brutal as they get older - but i certainly see how that came across

To put it bluntly he might want sex with another male. He has the opportunity.

But I'm not here to tell you about your son.
Despite hearing a run down of his entire week.

We're talking about the OP.

Great for you but not sure how it helps me.