DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

Chill out @demonheed

🤣 what? Sorry for replying to your post directed at me. Didn't mean to offend 😅

@RowanMayfair

I've counted to twenty to prevent me just telling you to fuck off.

i have not made any of this up.

it's causing his family an incredible amount of heartache & ruining his future.

if you just want to be nasty, bugger off elsewhere.

They said she wasn't old enough to consent.

you go visit him & tell him he wasn't prosecuted & doesn't need to stay, I'm sure he'll be happy to leave on your day so!.

Aside from this being unhelpful, do you really think this model is good for your DS? This could have been written about my friend's DS at fourteen, mainly driven by the private school but complemented by his parents' expectations . It all went fine until University, then he went WILD with a vengeance. Sex has been the very least of her worries.

If you don’t mind me asking, what part of the country is this? I’m trying to find your original post but what age is she and what has he been charged with?

@JingleSnowmanTree Ah I have found it now and seen she was 15 and he was convicted. I don’t understand when you say she wasn’t old enough to consent?

@JingleSnowmanTree

I presume all that you have heard has been from the boy’s family.

Does it occur to you that they might not be entirely objective.

Im presuming you were not present in the court to hear the detail that lead to his guilty verdict

The law doesn't work like that. If they were the same age and she didn't claim it was non consensual it's literally not possible for him to have been convicted. You've either made it up or been totally misinformed about what actually happened.

@JustanotherMNSlapperTwat Just got the email notification with your comment lol, I was reading this thread earlier and looks like I forgot to lock my phone when I put it back in my bag! Apologies for the gobbledegook everyone ☺️

Aw I preferred my cat theory!

@JingleSnowmanTree

I'm sure you believe that's how it happened but you simply must have been misinformed or misunderstood as that would not have resulted in a conviction and custodial sentence in the circumstances you described.

Exactly. The story told is fantasy. Either it didn't happen, or the boys parents are lying.

I've quoted so people can see the craziness.

Her mother can not press charges in the UK.

They had consensual sex at 15, they were both 15. She continues to say it was consensual.

The police apparently arrested him a year later- when they would both be 16- and put him in youth offenders until he was 19. And haven't treated his medical need?

Either it didn't happen, or this is the story the boys parents are peddling, because he is a rapist. I'm 50/50 on the most likely.

A friends Dd has just started Uni and is eye rolling at the unsafe and frankly deranged behaviour from some of the students who have been over protected and over scheduled. She “learnt to party” gradually and while living at home - learnt limits with alcohol /how to self regulate and made the daft teen mistakes with supportive parents around. Some of her peers at her university have gone straight from zero social life to complete freedom and aren’t coping with it.

@RowanMayfair

FFS STOP accusing me of having made this up, I wish I fucking had, it's hurting seeing people I care about being so wronged by the system.

we thought it it wouldn't work like that, being they were so young, the same age & consensual. However, the mother was like a fisherman's wife in court.

stop telling me 'the law doesn't work like that' when I've just witnessed it working exactly like that.

You can believe me or not, I really don't care.

There was a 19 year old who went to jail in Scotland this year for having sex with a girl when they were both 15

But that's because he actually raped her, not just had sex with her

Suprise suprise

Apparently he also had a very supportive family...

It doesn’t matter what the mum was like in court. But what you are saying could not have happened

And for him to have been convicted of rape there will have been evidence for that.

@JingleSnowmanTree

we thought it it wouldn't work like that, being they were so young, the same age & consensual. However, the mother was like a fisherman's wife in court.

stop telling me 'the law doesn't work like that' when I've just witnessed it working exactly like that.

You can believe me or not, I really don't care.

I believe you believe that's what happened but it is impossible. For the CPS to bring charges in a sexual assault case is depressingly and vanishingly rare. For it to go to court and end in a guilty verdict is even more rare. For it to result in a custodial sentence is even rarer again.

It simply cannot have happened how you say it has, so you've either been misinformed or have misunderstood what you've been told by the man's family.

You will never have been privy to all of the evidence available. The police believed there was enough to bring it to the CPS, who agreed the charges were sound and should be brought to trial.

As someone with experience in law enforcement, what you have been told has happened cannot have happened.

I don't think you're lying about what you think happened, I think you've been told untruths.

I got throwing-up drunk a couple of times whilst still living at home. I never got throwing-up drunk at university nor ever since. I was much safer blotto with a parent around (and ridiculing me when I woke up hung over) than I would have been at university.

Sex and partying/drinking aren't the same.

Sex and partying/drinking aren't the same.

Err yes.

But they're very very connected.

You can die from alcohol poisoning and choke on your own vomit.

Sex with a condom is extremely unlikely to be fatal.

I agree part of my job is doing forensic medicals for thise who have been sexually assaulted. The UK police will not prosecute unless there is very compelling evidence the burden of proof is extremely high. Honestly for that kind of sentence it must have been quite violent. They don't go near " he said/she said".

the law doesn't work like that' when I've just witnessed it working exactly like that.

When you have just ‘heard’ from the family of the person found guilty of rape.

I don’t think you’re lying
I think you have been misled

one question. Were you present during his trial @JingleSnowmanTree ?

Yes, agreed. This is why I want my 15 yo dd to do things as safely as possible. Especially as she has a medical condition triggered when she vomits. She will die if no one is looking after her. Very scary… and she doesn’t get it at all even though she knows she has a seizure, where her heart stops beating, when she vomits and is unable to move for at least an hour after. I also want her to have a relationship as well so that she gets used to telling boys about her particular needs and vulnerabilities.