DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

it doesn’t and was a daft post to make

apologies

I’d also like to remind some people that this is a parenting forum where people post for advice and support (or so I thought). Of course it’s also the internet where people can offer their opinions and views, but the need for superior, smug and downright unhelpful comments is something I don’t get, I mean just why?

Most of us do our best and want the best for our children and sometimes they behave in a way that we weren’t expecting or shock us. It doesn’t mean parents are doing it wrong, in fact like the op, a teenager who is able to talk about stuff that maybe difficult (like sex) is certainly a sign of good parenting. I’d be more devastated if my teenagers felt like I was unapproachable at this challenging time in their life.

Rightfully so? Girls play rugby. It isn't right that they are not in the club, all good clubs I know of have a girls team, even small ones.

And still the homophobia.

Op, don't worry. You have done well to have lines of communication, it is important that you keep talking (or dh)

Do you think that girls/women only have non-consensual sex or are pressured into sex?

as others have said.
contraception is the key here.
apologies if this is old news to you but I have to say it as so many people don’t realise this.
morning after pill is a crock of shit rammed down our throats as a save all.
it is not. It delays ovulation, which means it’s only actually affective for one or two weeks of the month (and one of those your on your period on anyway).

we had it educated to us as a safety net. It’s not. I hope education on that has improved, in case it hasn’t it’s worth mentioning. It really was what some of my friends used against one night stands.

how did your dh react? How does he feel about it. I think I’d work out mutual ground rules around what you both feel comfortable with and go from there.
does the girl have a responsible adult to talk to? As in, someone she wants to talk to?

So your son is protected by privilege. How unusual 🙄

homophobia???? Both my beloved brothers are gay. This is so ridiculous as to be laughable.

My son isn’t gay. It literally means nothing in our family whether you like girls, boys or both. There wouldn’t have even been a “coming out” conversation…. he would have just mentioned finding boys attractive rather than girls… and he most definitely has made clear that he finds women attractive!

He might be having sex with someone from the rugby team...

The girlfriend needs reliable contraception as well as them using condoms, yes they’re underage, no it’s not ideal but it’s happened and will probably happen again so being safe is the priority

'Statutory' is not an everyday term. It's a word with a specific legal meaning, which is why it is used in the specific US offence of statutory rape. It's not an everyday term in the UK because it's used incorrectly to describe what people have interpreted the US offence to be in the UK, when as you point out our sexual offences act has different scope and guidance.

Apologies then, your refusal to consider that he could still be having sex pointed that way.

Plus as you said he is 14, and far removed from sex, he may still be gay/bi things change as you grow.

In case anybody missed the point about the 14 year old boy who plays rugby, it is that naice boys at naice schools aren't naughty, and OP should have thrown levels of money that most people don't have at this problem, before it emerged.

One of the cultural assumptions made by private schools is that exhausting teenage boys with lots of physical activity keeps them out of 'mischief'. The poster who made that comment has assumed cultural assumptions made by somebody with her background are universal.

Also that her son isn't gay and that women who play rugby are physically barred from ever being anywhere near men who play at a higher level.

And that rugby injuries are somehow less of a risk than teenage sexual activity.

Wouldn't want my kids doing that much school work every single day of the week but the worst thing would be the extremely high injury risk that level of rugby exposes them to.

It's a shame for the lad that he never gets a holiday where he meets other teenagers or kids of the opposite sex, a vital part of development if he's to become a decent, well rounded adult.

Just for starters

kids at ANY schools have sex

Wouldn't want my kids doing that much school work every single day of the week but the worst thing would be the extremely high injury risk that level of rugby exposes them to.

I'm happier about my kids playing rugby than having unprotected sex.

Please don't start about rugby. Go and make another thread. It doesn't help OP one jot.

I think you will find @demonheed did not make this about rugby, another poster tried to make it about money and class.

The gist of my post stands.

Jnooinljllmijimjlli mum inpoi no o I'm impkoimklllmijllimj pollo I'll pop jnijlinjlmiljllimjlmijklllmijlllmillmiimjlmijlimlji I'm

You cat fall in love with your keyboard?

I thought private schools had really long holidays, like 8/9 weeks off in the summer?
Plenty of time to have a fumble in the hay!

God posters like Roche make me snort. You are massively tempting fate. I know several teens who fitted they description who are…let us say no longer like that.

Jesus, your poor son seemingly doesn't have time for anything other than school?! What a ridiculously rammed timetable. And an hour of homework on top AND school on a Saturday AND school work on a Sunday?! Poor kid!

DH went to public school in his year ( only 70 pupils) 2 were expelled for having sex and a girl gave birth in the school toliets following a concealed pregnancy. It happens everywhere. Main thing is to make sure it's consensual and safe. 💐for OP

It happens everywhere. Main thing is to make sure it's consensual and safe. 💐for OP

Exactly. My friend's son said people only used his school chapel for sex. 🤷‍♀️

Teenagers are teenagers.

"I'm happier about my kids playing rugby than having unprotected sex.

Please don't start about rugby. Go and make another thread. It doesn't help OP one jot."

I didn't start anything, just pointing out that the lad has fuck loads of holiday to time to, well, fuck. That's if he's not already in the changing rooms. No way would he open up to his high and mighty mum who thinks it's all chemistry tests and rugger.

Unprotected sex? Why are you starting about unprotected sex when these teens used a condom? Go start another thread, it doesn't help the OP @sunglassesonthetable