DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

I don't think there's anything that you need to do, really.

If he wanted to speak to you about it, he would've. He chose to speak to his dad, who I assume gave advice re. STIs and pregnancy.

I really don't see why this needs to go any further.

I know someone like this who went to one of the top boarding schools in the UK for sports. He was kicked out eventually for smoking weed and then went to prison at 21. His parents were really nice people too. None of the things you mention will protect him from his peers. I'm sure he will find time for sex if he wants to he's 14!

Similar to my own DC (except private ed part)they are all kept busy - no time for shagging.

Similar to my own DC (except private ed part)they are all kept busy - no time for shagging.

Pretty sure it can be really quick

That's what my mum thought...

She was wrong, didn't work for me, didn't work for my sister, it was an incredibly naive assumption

Don’t teenagers go “out with mates” any more? That always used to be the handy catch-all when asked where we were going.

Shenanigans aside, it is sad for them if they don’t have any unstructured time.

My eldest hardly leaves the house, goes to school but that's it. He has a "girlfriend" but she lives in the USA, which a fantastic distance as far as I am concerned. No risk of accidents at that distance.

I just think that is incredibly sad.

Wrapped so tight in cotton wool they can't grow wings.

JFC that’s is a sad life for the lad.

Kids need to learn to navigate some down time, you won't always be able to manage their every move.

He said he liked two girls at school, asked one of them out then was told she was a slag so he was put off her. He said he doesn't like any of the girls at his school 🤷🏻 I am not wrapping him in cotton wool. He chose a girlfriend online. That's not something I can control. Many teens are online gaming, or on Discord.

@Deathbyathousandcats JFC yourself. He chose an online girlfriend, not me! He obviously gets too much freedom if you look at it another way (after deciding about the girls at his school). He's still got uni years ahead and might meet someone there. That's up to him.

@LarkspurLane he does get downtime, hence the girlfriend online he has been in contact with for over a year now. She's apparently coming over in the summer to see him. DH has seen her over a video call, she seems nice.

He is kept busy in the sense he has chores to do, participates in a sport (where he has friends) and has prelims to revise for. That takes up a lot of time. But he does online gaming too, like loads of teenagers his age.

He plays a ridiculous amount of guitar 🎸 too in his free time - all kids are different!

Turns out staying indoors is the least of his problems.

Sounds like he is best kept away from real girls.

That is fair enough, it sounds like he is choosing activities and has free time took, like most teens.
If the girlfriend comes over, where will she stay?

He isn't interested in girls as much as his guitar 🎸 there's no rush or set rule that you need to have sex aged 16.

They are all different and some just aren't interested! I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19, for example - couldn't stand any of the boys at my school. They were all fuck wits.

There's a place for everyone in this world.

He enjoys walking the family dog, rather than hoovering or other chores. His younger teenage sibling does recycling as a chore. They all need to be doing something.

She's looking at booking a hotel in a nearby town. No space in our house! That's been made clear.

I spend loads of time talking with all of my DC about any emotional stuff they need to talk to me about. I am here anytime, they all know this (I don't work, been SAHM for years now)It is not easy parenting teenagers. We have had experience of trauma as well in the past. It's a tough gig.

DS is music mad, constantly wearing headphones 🎧, and that's how he met his GF, as they have the same taste in music. I am sure it was through Discord.

I'd be ok.......he's in a relationship, he's 15 and he used a condom - he sounds more sensible than many.

The fact he's told his dad shows he's mature enough to discuss sex

Report the tone of my post? You/your son happily think that it is OK to call a teenager girl a slut?

I can't believe you think 'slut shaming' is acceptable

Report ‘someone’s tone’?!
I must have missed the tick box for that.

Agreed Ducksurprise. I would be mortified if my son had said that to me. Huge parenting fail.

And you can hear the loud swishing of your point sailing over Vettrianofan's head. I'm astonished that Vettrianofan thinks it's your post which should be reported. There are certainly posts here which deserve to be reported and they aren't yours.