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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 17 and rent

257 replies

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:02

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

OP posts:
Lambiriyani · 17/07/2023 19:05

Not charge my child rent.

Just do what most parents do for late teens. They fund their own social life.

SausageMonkey2 · 17/07/2023 19:05

Get him the bare minimum. Makes his own Meals. No snacks. No shampoo or shower gel. Put passwords on the internet and any tv apps. No contributions to
clothes or days out etc etc. He’ll soon come around to contributing.

You want the internet password? Well it’s £30 a month - what contribution are you going to pay?

Bibbetybobbity · 17/07/2023 19:06

I wouldn’t charge a 17 year old rent unless I really couldn’t cope financially without it. If you’re funding phone/gym etc I’d be tempted to move them across so your DS is taking responsibility, but no, I wouldn’t charge rent at 17.

BatheInTheLight · 17/07/2023 19:11

I lived at home until I finished uni, working part-time (16 hours a week) earnt around £250 a week including commission. I was never asked to contribute financially, just did my fair share around the house. Money wasn't tight, but parents weren't loaded either!

BatheInTheLight · 17/07/2023 19:13

SausageMonkey2 · 17/07/2023 19:05

Get him the bare minimum. Makes his own Meals. No snacks. No shampoo or shower gel. Put passwords on the internet and any tv apps. No contributions to
clothes or days out etc etc. He’ll soon come around to contributing.

You want the internet password? Well it’s £30 a month - what contribution are you going to pay?

I feel very lucky 🤣 would you also charge them interest on any loans? I had a friend whose parents did that! Tip of that particular iceberg. They aren't very close now their grown up, I can tell you that much.

StephanieSuperpowers · 17/07/2023 19:15

I think you really have to provide a home for your children until they're 18. So no, I wouldn't charge rent to a 17 year old. I would expect chores though and for him to take over cooking dinner twice a week or so, though.

Since he has an income, I'd also expect him to provide his own clothes, going out money, phone etc.

Original poster
overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:15

Ok, so we only asked for £50 a month.
Currently we pay for his phone and I do all his washing, make him meals, packed lunches etc

I think it's not the money so much as his attitude that has upset me. He is very self centred.

OP posts:
cocksstrideintheevening · 17/07/2023 19:17

I wouldn't charge rent to a 17yo.

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 19:19

My 16 year old is starting an apprenticeship in September and will be coming out with only a few hundred pounds a month less than me. It also means I will no longer receive child benefit for him.

He will have to pay for his phone and gym which I pay at the moment. I will stop paying him his £15 a week pocket money and he will have to pay me £25 a week board. He will also be giving me a couple of hundred (exact amount not decided yet) for me to put into his savings account for him so when the time comes he can afford driving lessons and at least a deposit on a car.

I dont think it is unreasonable for someone earning over a grand a month to pay something towards the household.

Parisj · 17/07/2023 19:20

Compromise both sides needed.

Patchworksack · 17/07/2023 19:24

I read these threads with interest, my oldest is 16 and I’m keen to avoid any of them being too dependent and never moving out. I would definitely expect to house and feed mine until they were 18 and whilst they were in full time education. I would class an apprenticeship as the next stage of his education - if he were at school or college doing Alevels you probably wouldn’t expect him to contribute. Is there an interim solution - stop paying for his phone, clothes, fun money but feed and house him, and raise your expectations of his contribution to running your home. Start talking now about your expectations of how he supports himself when he is qualified - either by paying a decent amount of rent or moving out.

CurlewKate · 17/07/2023 19:25

I could afford for my children not to pay rent. So they didn't. If I had needed the money, they would have contributed.

Miscellaneousme · 17/07/2023 19:26

I think if he isn’t willing to pay some contribution to rent then he needs to pay for his own expenses, make his own lunch and do his own washing!

Iwantamarshmallowman · 17/07/2023 19:27

I wouldn't charge a 17 year old rent but I probably wouldn't be paying for his phone either.
If I was going to charge them rent I'd be putting it into a savings account for them towards a deposit for their own place.

Wishitsnows · 17/07/2023 19:28

I wouldn’t charge anything and surely not before he is 18. As a bare minimum being a parent I would expect to fund them until this age unless my circumstances were desperate

MogsMa · 17/07/2023 19:28

I wouldn't charge him rent. I would expect him to pay for his own phone and do his own washing.

Maireas · 17/07/2023 19:29

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:15

Ok, so we only asked for £50 a month.
Currently we pay for his phone and I do all his washing, make him meals, packed lunches etc

I think it's not the money so much as his attitude that has upset me. He is very self centred.

If it's not the money, don't ask for money.
If it's the attitude, talk to him.

Butterfly44 · 17/07/2023 19:29

Don't charge rent. But as he's earning he can take over his phone bill and co tribute to some bills such and WiFi and Netflix if he uses them?

Rogue1001MNer · 17/07/2023 19:29

We charged rent when DD started earning a regular wage.

Put it in a separate account and gave it to her when she went to uni. She massively appreciated it then and I believe both gave her opportunities to learn about adulthood and being financially responsible

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 19:31

Patchworksack · 17/07/2023 19:24

I read these threads with interest, my oldest is 16 and I’m keen to avoid any of them being too dependent and never moving out. I would definitely expect to house and feed mine until they were 18 and whilst they were in full time education. I would class an apprenticeship as the next stage of his education - if he were at school or college doing Alevels you probably wouldn’t expect him to contribute. Is there an interim solution - stop paying for his phone, clothes, fun money but feed and house him, and raise your expectations of his contribution to running your home. Start talking now about your expectations of how he supports himself when he is qualified - either by paying a decent amount of rent or moving out.

But if they were at school or college doing A levels they wouldn't be earning a full time wage.

I dont think allowing a 16 year old to keep (and most likely spend) all of their considerable wages from an apprenticeship whilst living at home all food and bills paid for is a great lesson on money management.

TeenDivided · 17/07/2023 19:32

I suspect the issue is maybe you've just dropped this on him, rather than discussing it in advance (eg when your apprentice wage goes up to minimum wage, you're going to need to start contributing a bit ...)

Let it rest for a few days then re-approach. Explain CoL increases (and the fact you no longer get child benefit for him). Say he needs to take over his phone payments anyway. Ask would he rather pay a nominal rent and you continue to do his washing, meals etc, or no rent but he starts to do xyz himself (especially washing).

Diversion · 17/07/2023 19:33

A very long time ago when I was just 16 and on a YTS I earned £25 per week and had to pay £15 towards housekeeping. Obviously there were no mobile phones then but I still had to fund my social life and was expected to buy some of my own clothes and toiletries if I wanted something different to what was provided. Yes, it did seem harsh at the time but it taught me how much things cost and that when the money was gone, it was gone and I had to do without until I got paid the following week. Not a bad lesson to be taught at an early age.

twinmum2022 · 17/07/2023 19:35

SausageMonkey2 · 17/07/2023 19:05

Get him the bare minimum. Makes his own Meals. No snacks. No shampoo or shower gel. Put passwords on the internet and any tv apps. No contributions to
clothes or days out etc etc. He’ll soon come around to contributing.

You want the internet password? Well it’s £30 a month - what contribution are you going to pay?

He's 17... absolutely mental ideas in your response

EmeraldFox · 17/07/2023 19:35

I think they should cover loss of TC/UC if them working rather than studying means you lose this.

Maireas · 17/07/2023 19:35

I think it's their home and they shouldn't be charged to live there. I think anyone can learn money management without parents making them pay rent. If you're hard up that's another issue.
I think the thing here is the lad's attitude.