Page 3 | DS 17 and rent

Comefromaway · 17/07/2023 20:03

My children know that when they leave full time education, they have to start contributing to household expenses.

TheModHatter · 17/07/2023 20:03

If his attitude is the issue, tackle the attitude!

I would expect to house and feed my Dc while they are in education / training and certainly under 18, but they make their own packed lunches and contribute to all household tasks. Hang up washing when it includes their stuff, contribute to cooking and clearing up etc.

Just start treating him like a Co-adult with a role to play. Not a landlady that he pays to do his domestic work for him. Why in earth are you making his packed lunch?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 17/07/2023 20:05

I'd stop paying his phone bill and make him pay for it instead.

Frazzlefrazle · 17/07/2023 20:07

I think the rent is irrelevant. You want him to start considering what an adult life looks like and how he can start preparing himself for that. £50 a month isn't going to do it. However him learning to pay his phone bill and deciding the best rates ect when it comes to renew is much more helpful for an young adult. Him learning to make his own pack lunch is being able to consider healthy balanced choices and may mean he pops to the shop to grab himself bits that he would prefer. Learning how and when to wash his clothes is the bare minimum of learning to be responsible. Sit down with your husband and hash out some rules.

EmeraldFox · 17/07/2023 20:08

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 17/07/2023 20:05

I'd stop paying his phone bill and make him pay for it instead.

Depending on the contract it may not make much difference, my 17yo has a £7 contract.

Glamrockgoddess · 17/07/2023 20:13

CombatBarbie · 17/07/2023 19:45

So cancel his phone, stop making him packed meals and doing his laundry.

He doesn't get the option to flat out refuse....

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This

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/07/2023 20:15

Bibbetybobbity · 17/07/2023 19:06

I wouldn’t charge a 17 year old rent unless I really couldn’t cope financially without it. If you’re funding phone/gym etc I’d be tempted to move them across so your DS is taking responsibility, but no, I wouldn’t charge rent at 17.

Same here

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/07/2023 20:16

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:15

Ok, so we only asked for £50 a month.
Currently we pay for his phone and I do all his washing, make him meals, packed lunches etc

I think it's not the money so much as his attitude that has upset me. He is very self centred.

Ok then just tell him he needs to get his own phone and lunch. That's probably more than £50. That's not 'rent' that's just buying more things for himself and is fair enough

gogomoto · 17/07/2023 20:17

The answer is he pays for his phone, buys food for his lunches rather than rent

gogomoto · 17/07/2023 20:18

Oh and mine did their own washing

Qbish · 17/07/2023 20:20

No I would not charge a seventeen year old rent. I don't charge my nineteen year old rent.

What he does around the house, is a different issue.

CandyLeBonBon · 17/07/2023 20:21

gratedhalloumi · 17/07/2023 20:01

When my 17 year old started an apprenticeship, she was taking home £1000 per month.

There was no way I was going to budget and be careful, to watch her squander it away on crap.

What is that teaching them? How would they learn to budget if not at home? Even if you can afford to keep them, you should still take something (save it on their behalf if you can afford to). They need to get used to having bills and priorities

There's going to be a lot of entitled adults wanting mummy and daddy to bail them out.

I agree. I'm afraid my young adults/teens have to contribute. Money doesn't grow on trees and food isn't free. If they're earning, they contribute.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:24

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:02

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

You obviously have made a bad decision.
I would not be charging a 17yr old DC on apprentice wages rent or digs or board or anything.

I would instead be making them responsible for some of their own expenses like phone, clothing, socialising, transport.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:29

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 19:31

But if they were at school or college doing A levels they wouldn't be earning a full time wage.

I dont think allowing a 16 year old to keep (and most likely spend) all of their considerable wages from an apprenticeship whilst living at home all food and bills paid for is a great lesson on money management.

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You underestimate 16yr olds. Mine started working PT at 16 and now at 21 (Uni student) has over £15k saved up towards her postgraduate course. I never took any money off her to ‘put into an account’ because you’re not teaching them how to save by taking money and saving for them like an infant.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:30

Maireas · 17/07/2023 19:35

I think it's their home and they shouldn't be charged to live there. I think anyone can learn money management without parents making them pay rent. If you're hard up that's another issue.
I think the thing here is the lad's attitude.

I’m not shocked at his attitude though, it’s the correct response to the attitude of parents demanding rent money off a 17yr old apprentice.

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 20:30

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:29

You underestimate 16yr olds. Mine started working PT at 16 and now at 21 (Uni student) has over £15k saved up towards her postgraduate course. I never took any money off her to ‘put into an account’ because you’re not teaching them how to save by taking money and saving for them like an infant.

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16 year olds may vary.

Maireas · 17/07/2023 20:33

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:30

I’m not shocked at his attitude though, it’s the correct response to the attitude of parents demanding rent money off a 17yr old apprentice.

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Yes, I agree, but she should talk to him, not fine him!

Maireas · 17/07/2023 20:34

CandyLeBonBon · 17/07/2023 20:21

I agree. I'm afraid my young adults/teens have to contribute. Money doesn't grow on trees and food isn't free. If they're earning, they contribute.

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Why can't they save it?

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:34

19lottie82 · 17/07/2023 20:00

It’s not healthy for a teen who has just entered the world of full time work to get used to having their full pay packet as pocket money.

You are teaching him a valuable life lesson by charging him a nominal amount of rent. Even if you put it aside and give it back to him when he passes his driving test or moves out.

You’re really not teaching him any lesson that cannot be learned by other less grabby methods.

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/07/2023 20:35

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 19:19

My 16 year old is starting an apprenticeship in September and will be coming out with only a few hundred pounds a month less than me. It also means I will no longer receive child benefit for him.

He will have to pay for his phone and gym which I pay at the moment. I will stop paying him his £15 a week pocket money and he will have to pay me £25 a week board. He will also be giving me a couple of hundred (exact amount not decided yet) for me to put into his savings account for him so when the time comes he can afford driving lessons and at least a deposit on a car.

I dont think it is unreasonable for someone earning over a grand a month to pay something towards the household.

I am so relieved to read this. I will need to do the same- I've been called all sorts on here, been told that I see my kids as cash cows, that I shouldn't have had children if I can't pay for everything.

Lambiriyani · 17/07/2023 20:35

How about letting the 17yo enjoy his wage?

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:36

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 20:30

16 year olds may vary.

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Yeah obviously if you’re doing the saving for them, they’ve never been taught to save for themselves. The varying isn’t intrinsic, it’s learned.

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/07/2023 20:36

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:30

I’m not shocked at his attitude though, it’s the correct response to the attitude of parents demanding rent money off a 17yr old apprentice.

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But what if there is no option?

Lambiriyani · 17/07/2023 20:37

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/07/2023 20:36

But what if there is no option?

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Why could a parents provide for a 15 year old and not a 17 year old?

ReleasetheCrackHen · 17/07/2023 20:37

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/07/2023 20:36

But what if there is no option?

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That’s not the OP’s situation now is it? So that’s a derailment I see no reason to pursue.