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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 17 and rent

257 replies

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:02

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

OP posts:
Maireas · 17/07/2023 20:57

EmeraldFox · 17/07/2023 20:55

It's not about being desperately hard up though, it's a very common situation. Many families could not adjust to a sudden drop in income like that and there is no need for it when the young person is earning good money with minimal expenses.

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They should realise that it's not up to the young person to make up the shortfall and I think that being a parent is more than that. Anyway. Opinions vary, charge your kids if you want to.

EmeraldFox · 17/07/2023 20:57

Maireas · 17/07/2023 20:52

Why is it about the government? It's a family.

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My idea of a family is one where everyone contributes according to their ability and has what they need.

EmeraldFox · 17/07/2023 20:58

Maireas · 17/07/2023 20:57

They should realise that it's not up to the young person to make up the shortfall and I think that being a parent is more than that. Anyway. Opinions vary, charge your kids if you want to.

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Who should make it up? Should the rest of the family go without?

Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 20:58

I think charging a 17 year old on an apprenticeship is the meanest thing I’ve ever heard. He’s probably earning peanuts!

Maireas · 17/07/2023 20:58

curtainnetblind · 17/07/2023 20:45

@Maireas yes but at 18 that is where he can choose to move to if he wants. I have friends with older children who didn't realise how good they had it at home until they moved out and everything became their responsibility for cooking, cleaning, washing etc.

That's their problem. Being a good parent is about teaching them life skills without treating them like a lodger.

Lambiriyani · 17/07/2023 21:00

When the elderly live with their kids, should the elderly be asked to contribute?

(Elderly people living with their adult children does happen)

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 21:01

Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 20:58

I think charging a 17 year old on an apprenticeship is the meanest thing I’ve ever heard. He’s probably earning peanuts!

Have you read any of the posts on here? The majority of apprentices are earning around £1000 a month. Even on apprenticeship minimum wage and a 37.5hr week they are earning £198 a week.

Maireas · 17/07/2023 21:01

EmeraldFox · 17/07/2023 20:58

Who should make it up? Should the rest of the family go without?

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Like I said, if the OP is in financial hardship, she should tell her son, look I need you to pay to live here because we're not managing. I think it's a shame, but if she's in that situation it's tough. I feel for her in that circumstance.

Original poster
overitallll · 17/07/2023 21:01

@Flamingoes12 Trust me, he's not earning peanuts. He does, however, work hard for it.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 21:02

Lambiriyani · 17/07/2023 21:00

When the elderly live with their kids, should the elderly be asked to contribute?

(Elderly people living with their adult children does happen)

Yes. If the elderly person has an income then a proportion of that should go towards the household.

Dacadactyl · 17/07/2023 21:02

Lambiriyani · 17/07/2023 21:00

When the elderly live with their kids, should the elderly be asked to contribute?

(Elderly people living with their adult children does happen)

Yes I think so. If anyone lives in this house over the age of 18 they'd be expected to contribute.

Particularly if, as in the case of a youngster or elderly person, they were getting a good deal (washing done, cooking done, caring done etc)

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/07/2023 21:03

Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 20:58

I think charging a 17 year old on an apprenticeship is the meanest thing I’ve ever heard. He’s probably earning peanuts!

£5.28 per hour, but according to the government that is enough and they are no longer entitled to child benefit or UC, unfortunately I will have to ask them to cover the drop- there is nothing I can do to make more money.

Dacadactyl · 17/07/2023 21:03

@Lambiriyani the difference is, if I said to my parents you have to pay rent, they wouldn't kick off or shout about it. They'd know it was fair. I mean, they're the ones who brought me up after all. No such thing as a free lunch.

BrandonFlowersTurkeyTeeth · 17/07/2023 21:04

Mine get charged £40 a month. We pay for their phones, I do majority of cooking and all their washing. They have jobs to do as well around the house. They buy all their own clothes and fund their own social lives and lunches for work but are welcome to make sarnies from whatever is in house

EmeraldFox · 17/07/2023 21:04

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/07/2023 21:03

£5.28 per hour, but according to the government that is enough and they are no longer entitled to child benefit or UC, unfortunately I will have to ask them to cover the drop- there is nothing I can do to make more money.

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Remember they are unlikely to be paying tax on that so it's not as low as it seems.

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 17/07/2023 21:05

I cant get over the number of people on here saying they wouldn't charge their kids rent when they are earning a wage.

Mine are 8 and under so not relevant to me at the moment but from the time I got a part time job I was told you pay 1/3 of your wages to your mam. At the very least it teaches you that you have responsibility and your money is not just for partying, socialising, buying clothes etc there are practicalities first then you can use your disposable income for what you want. Why should my parents kill themselves working to pay for everything for me and I have more disposable income than they do.

I think I would expect a nominal.sum at the very least and when in full employment for it to be raised.

Seem to be going against the grain here.

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 21:07

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 17/07/2023 21:05

I cant get over the number of people on here saying they wouldn't charge their kids rent when they are earning a wage.

Mine are 8 and under so not relevant to me at the moment but from the time I got a part time job I was told you pay 1/3 of your wages to your mam. At the very least it teaches you that you have responsibility and your money is not just for partying, socialising, buying clothes etc there are practicalities first then you can use your disposable income for what you want. Why should my parents kill themselves working to pay for everything for me and I have more disposable income than they do.

I think I would expect a nominal.sum at the very least and when in full employment for it to be raised.

Seem to be going against the grain here.

I'm.with you but I suspect many people on here have been bought up differently to us. Everyone I know in RL thinks working kids (including those on apprenticeships) paying board is completely normal and expected.

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 17/07/2023 21:08

Lambiriyani · 17/07/2023 20:35

How about letting the 17yo enjoy his wage?

How about letting the parents enjoy their wages?

bevelino · 17/07/2023 21:08

cocksstrideintheevening · 17/07/2023 19:17

I wouldn't charge rent to a 17yo.

This

I have 4 dds and did not charge them rent when they were in their teens.

17 is young and probably in their first job. Let them have fun while a teen as they have a whole lifetime ahead of rent, mortgage, bill etc.

Weonlyhavealoanofit · 17/07/2023 21:09

Parenting is doing those things which a child cannot and should not be expected to do. Independence is doing things for oneself. A 17 year old earning an income for the first time, is on the cusp of adulthood. Yes there’s still the safety net of home, but living at home when no longer a young child involves a transition from being looked after 100% of the time to taking on some responsibilities. How the transition is managed eg whether that’s doing one’s own washing and meal prep to the payment of rent is something for negotiation, but it’s a vital stage in a young person’s life.

ThePersistenceOfMammories · 17/07/2023 21:09

Some of these responses have shocked me!

I have an 18 and 19 year old. Both work full time and have done since leaving school (in wales no compulsory education til 18)
my 18 year old out-earns me!

They both contribute 20% of their wages towards the household costs, so food, utilities, tv subscriptions, internet etc and save another 20%. They’re both left with far far more disposable income than I am.

Flopsythebunny · 17/07/2023 21:10

Precipice · 17/07/2023 19:36

He's a child! I don't think it's right to charge him anything.

He isn't a child. He's working and earning above minimum wage.

Ibizafun · 17/07/2023 21:10

I absolutely would not charge my 17yo rent. He has years to pet his way and will, but for now he's my child and it's my pleasure.

BoohooWoohoo · 17/07/2023 21:13

You should definitely stop the packed lunches and washing. If he wants to be treated like an adult then some adult responsibilities like washing and lunches is more than reasonable. He will probably buy lunch for a while but hopefully the sensible side will kick in and he'll realise how much he saves by making his own.

LotsOfThingsToThinkAbout · 17/07/2023 21:13

I think £50 is fair. I think now he is earning it would seem wrong for him to have no bills at all and no responsibilities for helping at home.

Does he run a car? That might influence how much I charged?

Is he sensible with money? If he was saving a lot then I'd be less likely to charge rent.

I definitely wouldn't make his packed lunch or do his laundry and I'd expect him to help with other chores.

Mumsnet are funny about this type of subject.