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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 17 and rent

257 replies

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:02

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

OP posts:
SamBeckettslastleap · 20/07/2023 19:23

Maireas · 20/07/2023 17:14

I agree. Imagine calculating how much your child costs you.

Show quote history

I am one that ultimately requires rent from my 16 year old because they are leaving education so all child benefits stop, but @Comefromaway explains it better. It isn't calculating how much a child costs you but rather how much money you need each month to keep the wolf from the door. Not everyone can work more hours or get a better job.

As for paying there own phone in the first place- how is that better than asking an apprentice for rent? I've paid for their phone since they started high school, then they were a child.

They have had a part time job and I have never asked them to contribute as such, but I can't afford branded clothes so they have always had to make up the difference.

Maireas · 20/07/2023 19:26

Because rent is something a landlord asks for.
Phone costs aren't.

Comefromaway · 20/07/2023 20:12

Keep has always been a thing though.

you leave education & start work = you start to pay your Keep.

Comefromaway · 20/07/2023 20:13

Rent in this context is just another word to describe Keep.

SamBeckettslastleap · 20/07/2023 20:14

Maireas · 20/07/2023 19:26

Because rent is something a landlord asks for.
Phone costs aren't.

It is if you are a lodger.

Do you think it is OK to charge an 11 year old for a phone but not an apprentice for rent?

Is it OK to ask for rent if you still cover the phone? U18s can't get a contract.

Maireas · 20/07/2023 20:15

@SamBeckettslastleap - no. I think it would be nonsensical to charge an 11 year old for a phone.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/07/2023 22:12

I agree. Imagine calculating how much your child costs you.

Imagine how much worse it is, as the responsible adult of the house, who is working flat out but can't now afford to feed and house the newly adult residents (who are now netting £1000 a month) and struggling to meet the necessary household costs that come with housing your adult kids!
,
My adult children still cost money to house, feed, and keep warm. My eldest autistic son give me some of his pip money towards board and lodgings.

If you can afford not to charge your earning kids, great but those who aren't that fortunate are not in the wrong either.

Maireas · 21/07/2023 04:44

It's been said already upthread, certainly by me - if you can't afford to feed and house your family, that's terrible. If they have to pay you in order for you to avoid debt or the foodbank, so be it. How dreadful that circumstances should be so bad. I'm not talking about people in poverty, I'm talking about the default for many on here that a young person pays rent to live in their family home. There's a difference.

JazbayGrapes · 22/07/2023 10:08

Is it OK to ask for rent if you still cover the phone? U18s can't get a contract.

What happened to PAYG?

Comefromaway · 22/07/2023 14:48

PAYG works out incredibly expensive.

JazbayGrapes · 22/07/2023 18:37

PAYG works out incredibly expensive.

unless its the newest phone on a contract, PAYG is cheaper. Maybe less convenient, because you have to self-discipline.

TeenDivided · 22/07/2023 18:51

My PAYG costs £5 monthly.
I bought my phone outright quite few years back.
Our whole family is PAYG, never by the 'latest' phone, generally buy pre-loved.

SamBeckettslastleap · 22/07/2023 19:03

TeenDivided · 22/07/2023 18:51

My PAYG costs £5 monthly.
I bought my phone outright quite few years back.
Our whole family is PAYG, never by the 'latest' phone, generally buy pre-loved.

Then it isn't a PAYG if you pay monthly.

TeenDivided · 22/07/2023 19:07

SamBeckettslastleap · 22/07/2023 19:03

Then it isn't a PAYG if you pay monthly.

Show quote history

Ah I see what you mean.
It is a bundle.
I can stop at any time, so not a contract.
If it runs out it reverts to the PAYG prices.
If is only calls/texts/data no handset included.

SamBeckettslastleap · 22/07/2023 20:23

JazbayGrapes · 22/07/2023 18:37

PAYG works out incredibly expensive.

unless its the newest phone on a contract, PAYG is cheaper. Maybe less convenient, because you have to self-discipline.

This, whilst being incredibly patronising, is also bollocks. To get a data contract per GB isuch cheaper in a contract, company's like Smartie and Gif Gaf offer much better deals.

And teens need data, homework is all set on line, life is online.

JazbayGrapes · 23/07/2023 10:23

My PAYG costs £5 monthly.
I bought my phone outright quite few years back.
Our whole family is PAYG, never by the 'latest' phone, generally buy pre-loved.

We're the same. I now wonder if that count as poor, tight, or old-fashioned.

And teens need data, homework is all set on line, life is online.

Don't you have wifi at home and pretty much in any public space?

Comefromaway · 24/07/2023 10:38

we have never bought a phone on contract, however we have always had a rolling sim only contract which is far cheaper than PAYG. There are lots of occasions where my two have not had access to wifi, it's certainly not available in "every public space"

SummerDuck · 25/07/2023 08:19

I really don’t get these threads. If your DS had gone to uni, you’d have been expected to contribute tens of thousands to his living costs. Yet because he’s decided to take an apprenticeship instead (on an absolute pittance), it becomes ok to take money off him. Not for me.

Comefromaway · 25/07/2023 09:43

Yet because he’s decided to take an apprenticeship instead (on an absolute pittance),

If they were at uni after rent they would be living on approx £60-70 per week out of which they had to buy ALL their food. And the less well off families wold not have to make any contribution.

These apprentices on a so called pittance living at home and not paying any keep will have approx £200-£250 per week to spend as they please.

Cyclingmummy1 · 28/07/2023 12:15

What's the obsession with teens doing their own laundry? Putting a wash on, yes, but doing a separate wash?

Comefromaway · 28/07/2023 13:28

I have no idea cycling, it seems very wasteful to me.

I might phone mine up when I'm at work and say can you put a black load through or can you put the towels through but separate washes seem madness to me.

BoohooWoohoo · 28/07/2023 18:58

Mine do a wash of their own clothes every 5 days or so.
It's a chore that they are happy to do as teens and young adults can be about chores as it benefits them to do it properly (ironing as well as taking care of their clothes) When they go to uni the only big deal is having to pay to use the machines and buy detergent

EmeraldFox · 28/07/2023 19:32

Ds just puts a wash on of both of ours. There isn't enough for a full load before running out of something, and when he was in white school shirts we needed to separate lights and darks. In term-time he would have been running a load with just five shirts and maybe the odd light colour t-shirt.

Cyclingmummy1 · 28/07/2023 20:00

I'm pleased I'm not alone @EmeraldFox @Comefromaway even when we visit my parents now, I don't wash our clothes separately.

CurlsandCurves · 29/07/2023 08:16

SummerDuck · 25/07/2023 08:19

I really don’t get these threads. If your DS had gone to uni, you’d have been expected to contribute tens of thousands to his living costs. Yet because he’s decided to take an apprenticeship instead (on an absolute pittance), it becomes ok to take money off him. Not for me.

My son is an apprentice, has been since 16. He does do lots of overtime (due to travelling). He’s now 18 and on a slightly higher pay grade and can come out with £4-500 a week sometimes!

However, even without that, on the lowest pay grade of his apprenticeship and doing for example a 40 hour week, he’d be coming out with £200 a week. Hardly a pittance, when his only other outgoing is his mobile phone bill.

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