DS 17 and rent

[overitallll]

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

He's a child! I don't think it's right to charge him anything.

I know. Do you think some parents are actually like this? It's not a home, it's a boarding house.

I understand your point but the minimum wage for apprentices is the same as the minimum wage for under 18s and he is already earning above that according to the OP.

But yes I agree that dropping it on him out of the blue is probably part of the problem. We told DS when he was deciding what he wanted to do post GCSEs that if he got an apprenticeship he would be expected to contribute some to the household and save some of his wages so he has always known this is the case and is happy with the arrangement.

I'll never understand this... he's 17! It obviously is the money and you're irked he didn't hand it over graciously... if you want him to be more financially independent discuss him paying for his own phone bill ect but I really wouldn't start charging him rent or for food.

At the end of the day you decided to have kids, he's still a teenager for goodness sake, do you need £50 a month that badly?

@Hellocatshome The wage does make a difference.

The OP said earning above minimum wage. I took this to mean above normal minimum wage not just above apprentice minimum wage. Though I accept I hadn't factored in the fact that minimum wage for a 17yo still isn't very high.

I think you are being very fair- I would certainly expect him to pay for his phone

Teenagers are more willing to take on specific bills ime.
So charging him £50 for his phone contract (assuming that's the kind of phone he has) is more palatable than £50 rent iyswim.
My son is the same age and if he was doing an apprenticeship, he'd be paying Netflix, contact lenses, petrol, clothes, gym and entertainment.

If your son likes premium items like designer toiletries or protein powders then I'd be getting him to pay for those.

I am assuming that after the apprenticeship he'll be on a higher wage.

It isn't very high for a person with bills to pay but is very high for a child still living at home with all food/utilities provided.

My son will be coming out with £1000 a month when he starts his apprenticeship. There is no way it is sensible for him (and I suspect most 16 year olds) to have access to that much money without some guidance with regards to money management and part of this is paying bills. In our case this is necessary as we will be losing his child benefit but if its not about the money a lot of people save the board their child pays and give it them back when they are older.

Both mine paid something once they were out of full time education and working, even ds1 when he was 17 and started his apprenticeship. He also paid for his own phone

So cancel his phone, stop making him packed meals and doing his laundry.

He doesn't get the option to flat out refuse....

I wouldn't charge them rent while they're studying/doing an apprenticeship but I would expect them to be saving some of their money as well as paying for their own clothes and toiletries etc.

17 is still young (I have a 17yo.)

This is so OTT, poor bloody kid.

Do this if you want your child to hate you 🙄

You're only asking for £50 a month - that's nothing and he can bloody well pay it and be thankful!

Maybe show him the cost of living in a shared house and ask which he'd rather 🤷‍♀️ he's only a year off being an adult, he has to understand that life isn't free and bills don't pay themselves

Please don't charge him rent :( not at 17. You can of course, expect him to contribute to relevant household costs, which I think is relatively normal for the average family.
A bit of back story -
I was asked by my partners family to move in with them. I had just turned 17, my partner was 16 at the time. He was below minimum wage working and I was at college not earning a thing at the time. His parents expected us to do our monthly food shops ourself (absolutely reasonable looking back) but not only this, they also expected £400 a month towards their rent which was only £700 at the time, but would constantly say that it was not enough and in an ideal world they'd expect at least £650 to split their household costs / bills also. We didn't even get £1000 a month at the time. It was incredibly depressing. Not only for me, but for them to treat their son that way at such a young age.
I'm not saying this is what you're expecting of your son, but just giving my 2pence as to why I do not agree with charging rent to your kids.

When people live at home and go to uni do parents charge rent?

It's not a shared house, it's the family home. Why people think it should be like one of those places of multiple occupation I don't know. Talking to him about finances is fine, talking to him about his attitude is fine, but don't charge a 17 year old to stay in the family home.

Stop making his packed lunch and his washing! He's more than capable of doing both those things at 17. He can also pay his own phone bill now he's got some disposable income. I wouldn't charge a child rent to live at home though. Give him another year but be quite clear that at 18, as an adult, he will need to contribute financially or find accommodation elsewhere.

I bet some do.

I don't think there's a problem with expecting contribution but I agree with pp that I'd rephrase it

"We've agreed not to charge you rent, but now you are earning a decent wage we will expect you to cover xyz of your own expenses"

I think it shows them what things cost and helps them decide whether or not those things are worth that cost in a way a general "rent" does not

They don't stop being your child at 18....

I like the "provide for essentials" you fund your own social life style of parenting

Yes I think the term 'rent' is what is causing some of the problem and causing some of the posters here to get quite defensive. Charging live at home children who are earning a full time wage board i.e a small contribution to household expenses has been going on for years and generally seen as more acceptable I think.

I wouldn’t charge rent to a 17y o on an apprenticeship. I would once he’s finished.

in the meantime however stop paying for his phone as a starting point and make absolutely sure he pulls his weight around the house.

It’s not healthy for a teen who has just entered the world of full time work to get used to having their full pay packet as pocket money.

You are teaching him a valuable life lesson by charging him a nominal amount of rent. Even if you put it aside and give it back to him when he passes his driving test or moves out.

An apprenticeship is education. I don’t think it’s fair to charge a 17yo in full-time education rent.

However and this is critical, I also don’t think it’s a good idea for a 17 year old to get used to having a salary, but no bills. I would charge 30% of earnings as rent, but be transparent that it is going into a savings account for him for when he moves out. I would not keep any for yourself as long as he is a minor.

When my 17 year old started an apprenticeship, she was taking home £1000 per month.

There was no way I was going to budget and be careful, to watch her squander it away on crap.

What is that teaching them? How would they learn to budget if not at home? Even if you can afford to keep them, you should still take something (save it on their behalf if you can afford to). They need to get used to having bills and priorities

There's going to be a lot of entitled adults wanting mummy and daddy to bail them out.