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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager refusing to come on holiday

231 replies

Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 08:40

Hi I am a mum of 3. Oldest DS 18 this year. Me his dad and 2 younger siblings age 16,12 going on holiday this year. Spain for 10 days. We booked for just the four of us as oldest was working and couldn’t get time off but now he can so were going to add him in. He is point blank refusing to come ! He said it’s embarrassing going on holiday would rather go with his friends( was meant to be going but got stopped as can’t trust him. Long story) I feel so hurt that the boy I brought up in a loving and close family acting like this! I’m really upset as is his dad. He’s a totally different boy to the one I bring up. My mum will be house sitting anyway as we have the dog so she will be able to keep an eye on him. Is this normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 16:19

i could show you the dosage for an adult for paracetamol as stipulated by pharmaceutical company

could you show me the same for ecstasy?

RuthTopp · 20/04/2023 16:22

He'll be wanting a holiday of drinking and shagging .

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 20/04/2023 16:29

Whatever @NoNotHimTheOtherOne

Compare almost dying from an MDMA overdose to taking an aspirin until you're blue in the face if you want. We still all know that it's not the same. Fuck me 🤣

NoNotHimTheOtherOne · 20/04/2023 16:38

i could show you the dosage for an adult for paracetamol as stipulated by pharmaceutical company
could you show me the same for ecstasy?

That isn't relevant. Many of the vitamins or other supplements sold in high-street shops don't have stipulated therapeutic dosages. Nor do food & drink products containing alcohol, caffeine, theobromine, aspartame, all of which are capable of causing harm to some people in small amounts and to everyone in high amounts. Drinking one glass of wine does not represent an overdose for an adult (although some people would suffer adverse effects from it); drinking a full bottle of vodka does. One ecstasy tablet is not an overdose because very few people would suffer adverse effects from it. The problem with psychostimulants like ecstasy is that people are likely to take multiple doses.

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 16:45

What exactly is your point?

because my point is that there is no “recommended dosage” for ecstasy
aa there is with paracetamol. Why? Because it hasn’t been licensed in any country as a legal medicine

so even one - is an “overdose” In my mind.
not in yours 🤷‍♀️

each to their own

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 16:47

Anyway back to the Op

i think you’re sadness is misplaced. Your late teen son not wishing to holiday with you, does t mean he doesn’t love you. Just that he’s… 18!

but in your shoes… given he almost died recently due to taking ecstacy… I wouldn’t be going anyway. Added to which, you do know your home will be used for parties doesn’t you?!

RedToothBrush · 20/04/2023 17:09

What exactly is the problem here?

He's 18.

shutthewindownow · 20/04/2023 17:36

Why would you stop an 18 year old going away with his friends ? He will resent you so much you really are storing up trouble here. The whole point of becoming an adult is learning from you own mistakes so whatever he did to lose your trust you need to move on and let him grow up. He is 18 you need to stop with the control.

shutthewindownow · 20/04/2023 17:37

Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 09:08

I try my best to not treat him like a child but he nearly died after taking an ecstasy a few weeks ago so the last place I’d want him to go would be Ibiza.

So do you not think he would have learnt from that then ? Surely he would never do that again

Original poster
Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 18:53

@shutthewindownow maybe if you read my replies you would know why I won’t let him go. I don’t think I would forgive myself if he went and took another drug and died. And he’s not 18. Read the thread first before jumping to conclusions.

OP posts:
Bored86 · 20/04/2023 19:06

I couldn’t have thought of anything worse than going away with my parents at 18! Perfectly normal behaviour! When I got into my late 20’s and 30’s I loved going away with them again.

Irritateandunreasonable · 20/04/2023 19:10

Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 18:53

@shutthewindownow maybe if you read my replies you would know why I won’t let him go. I don’t think I would forgive myself if he went and took another drug and died. And he’s not 18. Read the thread first before jumping to conclusions.

Write the first post properly and people wouldn’t jump to conclusions.

Shinyredbicycle · 20/04/2023 19:15

He should be allowed to decide to stay at home without anyone making a fuss, esp if your mum will be around.

I can see why you didn't want him heading off to Ibiza after a near fatal experience with an ecstacy pull tbh. I think convos at this age should be less that drugs are bad and more if you're going to take something, get it from someone reliable, stay with your friends, seek medical help if you feel unwell, it's okay to come home when you want and, if possible, learn from experience about what does and does not suit you.

Have a good holiday OP.

ohdamnitjanet · 20/04/2023 19:50

I’m surprised the 16 yr old wants to go, never mind the 18. He’s an adult fgs.

Original poster
Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 19:56

@RedToothBrush no he’s not. Read the. Original post CLEARLY!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 19:57

@RuthTopp 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 19:59

@Beetrootlover82 my mum is house sitting. We have a dog so she’s looking after it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 20:01

@Shinyredbicycle thank you. I feel so much better a bout leaving him. It was more of a “I don’t want him to miss out on a family holiday” but I’m glad Iv posted today as it’s made me realise that it’s normal for teenagers to be like this and that he still loves me lol 😂

OP posts:
underseige05 · 20/04/2023 20:05

Our 18yr old ds doesnt want to come away with us and thats totally fine. Id rather not spend a week of him wishing he wasnt with us and with his mates instead.
We will be taking his younger brothers cousin instead as they are the same age and best mates (15)
Win win for everyone

Original poster
Hairbaby · 20/04/2023 20:09

@CherryCokeFanatic what on earth are you on about 😂Why would I need to reschedule it? And I was fine with my mum being here with him as he was going to get a holiday when he went with his pals. But after him nearly DYING I cant let him go to Ibiza incase that happens again. So now he won’t get a summer holiday and I felt hurt that he didn’t want to come with us. Nothing strange about that.

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 20/04/2023 20:20

I sopped going on holiday with my parents when I was around 16. I found their holidays boring.

MALJA · 20/04/2023 22:40

I’m not sure if other’s have said this but I think you should be seeing his refusal for coming on holiday with you in a completely different light!

He is 18 and probably wants to go on holiday with his own friends. This is so normal and actually means you have done a great job in raising a boy who wants to be a bit independent and have some freedom.

it’ll be difficult to accept, he’s your son but give him the freedom, try not to show him you’re hurt over this and by the time he’s over the teenage embarrassment he’ll be delighted to go back on holiday with his mum & dad

Lostinmiddleage · 20/04/2023 23:00

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 20/04/2023 10:23

I'd be more worried about an 18 year old who did want to go on holiday with his parents to be honest, he would have to be something of a late developer.

What utter rubbish!!

Lostinmiddleage · 20/04/2023 23:05

3sthemagicnumber · 20/04/2023 13:54

Bit taken aback by the consensus on here that mid/late teens never want to holiday with their families and that's always fine.

What do you all do with your mid-teens (say 16) who don't want to go? Do you just leave them at home? I definitely understand that it's fair enough for an adult to decide if they want to go on a holiday or not, but I sort of think it's fair enough to expect an under-18 to fit in with the family holiday, largely because I can't imagine leaving a 16-year-old in the house on their own for a week/fortnight. And I have a very competent 16-year-old.

In your position, OP, I'd definitely be feeling nervous after the recent experience, but I agree with the consensus on here that says trying to parent him by control isn't going to work at his age. I feel for you though.

My kids are all still happy to come with us at the moment - 14, 15, and 16. DH and I both love holidays and have always invested as much of our disposable income as we can in them. The 16-year-old is going on a couple of trips with friends this summer too.

Me too, friends with uni age kids still take them on holiday! Mine are mid teens and still come away with us, it wouldn’t occur to them or us that they wouldn’t. They want to see the world and we pay! Some people seem to think that’s weird or they have problems? That to me is totally bizarre.

RobinaHood · 20/04/2023 23:16

There are a cohort of posters who pretend all teens drink, take drugs, have sex and hate spending time with their parents. No idea where they live or what teens they know. They sound a bit a lot like groomers.