Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Does one buy one's teenage son condoms... or not?

116 replies

PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 13:49

Namechanged to protect the (hopefully still) innocent (that'll be DS )

He is nearly 16. He has a largish group of male and female friends from school. I know he has "been out with" at least one of them (a girl!) although doubt much has gone on but for snogging etc.

Now he is starting to get a bit more of a social life outside of school, with the same crowd. They're all nice kids and I like them. However, despite me not being allowed to know much these days, he has told me that he likes one of his female friends and the feeling is allegedly mutual.

I am aware that sex could happen at some stage soon.

DS, although popular and hangs with a "popular crowd" would never have the confidence to buy condoms; I would bet money on it. I know I don't know everything but I'm pretty sure of that.

But shouldn't he be in possession of some, just in case? Particularly as he is a young year 11 and most of his female friends are 16 already!

He would be mortified if I bought some and presented them to him though! And I certainly don't want to be seen to be condoning casual sex or anything of the kind. Nor rushing him into anything! But should it happen, I don't want it to, in the heat of the moment, without him using one. (He knows he needs to etc etc but doesn't take kindly to the sort of chats where I remind him of such things!)

What do people (well parents in my position) do?

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 01/02/2008 13:52

my parents bought me some and im a girl , also put me on the pill at 14 (started early). i was told to ask for more if i needed them. i did have very open parents though.

i think its better he has them than not - then he will have them in his possession when the time comes.

Get him some and just put them on his bed, just say i got you something at the chemist today whilst i was in there. (so looks like it was casual thought).

also you cant be sure he hasnt already - not many teenagers will announce when they have first had sex to their parents.

ProfessorGrammaticus · 01/02/2008 13:54

Can you just put some in the bathroom cabinet, next to the toothpaste?

Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 13:55

I don't think he has any.

And I can't put them on his bed. He is currently and temporarily sharing a room with his 9 year old sister!

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 01/02/2008 13:57

bathroom cabinet then or done quietly and quickly?

oh not sure 9 year old sister would like to see them

Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 13:57

To be honest, he doesn't even have a bed at present!

It's terrible state of affairs.. and the reason I am glad he gets out and about with friends and enjoys his social life. And this is going to end up being a pointless name change!!

Can't put them in bathroom cabinet.. younger siblings..don't want to explain it to them.

OP posts:
hanaflower · 01/02/2008 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 14:00

Actually DS isn't fertile!! But he can catch diseases... as I have always tried to impress upon him.

I am crap at being incognito. Anyone who knows me will know this is me. [sigh]

OP posts:
Shitemum · 01/02/2008 14:04

You should have put some in his stocking at Xmas!

Disenchanted · 01/02/2008 14:06

My DHs dad bought him some for us to use when he was 15, he bough XL

KerryMum · 01/02/2008 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blandmum · 01/02/2008 14:10

MIL used to buy them for dh and his brothers when they were teens!

Boys were mortified but did grow up to be very responsible chaps

barbarianoftheuniverse · 01/02/2008 14:12

Think they are available in slot machines in school loos so perhaps you need not worry.

Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 14:12

Oh dear. Maybe I should make DH get him some... pass the buck as it were.

KerryMum he's not going to get anyone pregnant. That wasn't my concern.. but I see your point obviously.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 14:13

Are they Barbara?? All secondary schools??

Wow.. how the times have moved on...

OP posts:
Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 14:13

Tell him 'If you don't need them I don't mind if you give them to a mate.'

That way you can avoid the hideous implication that you think he is going to have sex.

aGalChangedHerName · 01/02/2008 14:24

My 16.5 yrar old ds1 (when he was 15) had unprotected sex with his gf. Thankfully they were each others 1st so no STI's and thank god no baby!!!

I gave him condoms but he said they were going to wait until she was 16 (this january) but gave him them anyway.

She has now had the implant done so all good,but i don't know whether using condoms for STI's would be an idea?

Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 14:30

I am converned that condoms provided by parents would not be used (if needed) because they came via the parents.

You have made me think I should provide him with some. But I need a way of getting them into his possession without him thinking they came from us! The cringeable parents!

OP posts:
wannaBe · 01/02/2008 14:33

can you get a safe sex leaflet from your doctors surgery, tape the condoms to it (pack of three perhaps so as not to look too conspicuous) and leave it on the doormat for him to find? then you can just pretend it was a leaflet drop and can casually suggest that he might want to keep the condoms in the event he might ever wish to use them.

aGalChangedHerName · 01/02/2008 14:34

When my ds1 had been going out with his gf for a few months i spoke to him and said that if the relationship got serious ie sex,he should talk to me and i would help him sort out contraception.

Can you not tell maybe get a leaflet for the family planning and give it to him?

Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 14:37

Yes, family planning leaflet etc a good idea

OP posts:
Original poster
PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 14:38

Meant to say thank you. (Had to answer front door sorry!)

OP posts:
RIELOVESBACARDI · 01/02/2008 14:39

if you can't just give them to him, then chuck them at him saying they were free on a magazine and you don't need them

cadelaide · 01/02/2008 14:41

oh wannaBe, what a superb idea.
Everyone, everyone, look at wannaBe's idea!

myalias · 01/02/2008 14:45

In a few years time I plan to have a drawer in my bedroom with a variety pack of condoms in and he can help himself whenever he wants. That way I can top up when they are getting low and he doesn't have the embarrassment of asking me for some.

aGalChangedHerName · 01/02/2008 14:50

A few years ago i would have been horrified that my little boy would ask for condoms and even more horrified that i would give him them.

I would rather he wasn't sexually active yet tbh but he has had the same gf for 2 years this April so it's not random shagging which does make me feel better about it.