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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Does one buy one's teenage son condoms... or not?

116 replies

PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 13:49

Namechanged to protect the (hopefully still) innocent (that'll be DS )

He is nearly 16. He has a largish group of male and female friends from school. I know he has "been out with" at least one of them (a girl!) although doubt much has gone on but for snogging etc.

Now he is starting to get a bit more of a social life outside of school, with the same crowd. They're all nice kids and I like them. However, despite me not being allowed to know much these days, he has told me that he likes one of his female friends and the feeling is allegedly mutual.

I am aware that sex could happen at some stage soon.

DS, although popular and hangs with a "popular crowd" would never have the confidence to buy condoms; I would bet money on it. I know I don't know everything but I'm pretty sure of that.

But shouldn't he be in possession of some, just in case? Particularly as he is a young year 11 and most of his female friends are 16 already!

He would be mortified if I bought some and presented them to him though! And I certainly don't want to be seen to be condoning casual sex or anything of the kind. Nor rushing him into anything! But should it happen, I don't want it to, in the heat of the moment, without him using one. (He knows he needs to etc etc but doesn't take kindly to the sort of chats where I remind him of such things!)

What do people (well parents in my position) do?

OP posts:

rantinghousewife · 01/02/2008 21:51

Ohhh, The Bunnies, I wanted to marry Mac when I was 15!
(Yes, very proud!)

chenin · 01/02/2008 21:53

twelveyeargap... your mother sounds like mine!! When she tried to tell me about periods, she said (whilst stroking my tummy and going beetroot red) 'you might be having a visitor soon!' I thought it was my Aunt comng to see me! When my periods started, I thought I was dying.....!!!

Wisteria · 01/02/2008 21:54

I remember a certain ski trip to les deux alpes when I was 14; we all ran round the dorm corridors with blown up condoms on our heads.

Hastily remembers that dd1 is off skiing with the school on March 14th

Original poster

PooperScoop · 01/02/2008 21:57

You took condoms skiing??! Maybe I am worrying needlessly!!

DS went skiiing in Y8..I will ask if condoms were present in the dorm..

OP posts:

twelveyeargap · 01/02/2008 22:00

Ooh, I knew ALL about periods. When I asked where babies came from at age 4; I got THE WORKS. Everywoman was taken down from the shelf... It was absolutely awful.

Actually, that's probably where the embarrassment started. Too much information, too young.

Wisteria · 01/02/2008 22:00

well I didn't but others did..... we were yr 10 though.

seeker · 02/02/2008 07:56

Slight hijack - but referring to an erlier post - at what age do you stop looking at their phones and msn records? Or do most people not do this at all?

Wisteria · 02/02/2008 12:01

I look if I'm concerned about something but am often surprised at how boring it all is!

My dd1 always deletes all of her texts anyway

Original poster

PooperScoop · 02/02/2008 13:40

Seeker, well I had a thread on here last year in the name StifflersMom about a terrible shock I got from looking at the same DS's phone. Turned out to be pretty much bravado but was a real shock at the time. I got lots of grief from Mners from having looked in the first place.. he was still 14 then. I haven't looked since! Learned my lesson there!

Will look for thread... hope it doesn't freak you too much!!

OP posts:

Original poster

PooperScoop · 02/02/2008 13:43

here.. and I see (from last few posts, can't face reading through it all again, was all SUCH a trauma!) that the condom issue was raised then as well!

OP posts:

minorityrules · 03/02/2008 02:27

The reaction he got in that thread, might be why he is uncomfortable in broaching the subject with you? It was a bit ott

With my boy, when I noticed the bin FULL of tissue most weeks, I told him some men masturbate into a condom as it makes less mess, then handed him a jumbo size box of durex

They are in his bottom drawer and I just replace when they get low.

With my older girls, had a quick chat and handed them a few but told them they need to make sure they were on the pill too, when they start having sex. (so far not happened, yay! My girls are odd, they tell me everything)

If you don't show embarrassment, they shouldn't feel it (eventually)

CaliAndiemcdowellFrau · 03/02/2008 02:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoth · 03/02/2008 08:37

I like the idea of sending a leaflet through the post with a box of condoms attached. Make sure the envelope includes a list of local places where you can get condoms easily or for free.

Try to ensure you are around when your ds opens the envelope. That would be a good starting point for a chat. If he is embarrassed tell him he can give them to his friends - it might help if you get him talking about his friends, not himself, and you impart information about getting condoms for him to 'tell his friends'.

You could also ask where his friends are likely to get condoms from (to see if your ds knows where to get them) and if he thinks any of his friends are sleeping with girls in his group. Keep talking about what his friends do to see how much he knows and what he does, keep it all theoretical, ask him what advice he'd give his friends if they wanted to sleep with one of the girls he knows.

Would that work?

Original poster

PooperScoop · 03/02/2008 20:28

That's good advice Tigermoth, thanks.

Yes I realise that Minority. I think I got that emphasised and re-emphaised over the course of that thread. However, at the time, I couldn't help my reaction; I didn't plan it as I'm sure you can imagine. The texts were very explicit (and I mean very hardcore adult stuff and he was 14), and as it turned out, mainly bravado. I have came a long way since then (why else would I be thinking of buying my son condoms?) and he and I both learned something from each other from that experience and I regret the way I reacted at the time as he very well knows.

OP posts:

Tortington · 04/02/2008 12:17

i would get leaflets and inormation and leave in his room.

every practice in this area has a nurse you can see who will give condoms out free

there are also other local places where you can get them free.

i did buy and gave my son condoms when he was 15

my other sn is 14 and not there yet - but we have had chats and he is perfectl aware where to get free ones and i dont think he would shy away from that. - although he isnt a forward kind of boy

in your situation i think i would just buy them and leave them in his room. you dont need a chat just say - i have bought some they are in your room - leave me a note if youwant some more - and this is strictly between you and i and we dont even have to talk about it.

spugs · 06/02/2008 15:21

i would buy them for him, my 15 year old cousin is 21 weeks pregnant because she didnt use any contraception and perhaps if her or her boyfriend had ben given some it might have been a different outcome

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