Allegations against teenage boy

[Ginistheanswer80]

Please can I sense check with you all about a situation my DS (15) is experiencing.

He has been accused of inappropriate touching at school but has denied this and I completely believe him. I won’t be going into the details here as I’m not seeking opinions on this. School are looking into this and he is excluded for now until they finish their investigation.

School mentioned there was another allegation the week before (different girl and boy) and it made me think….how often is this happening?

I know every allegation needs to be taken seriously and rigorously looked at, but it got me wondering how prolific is this, and how many of these allegations are false/unfounded?

Anyone with any insights or experience I would love to hear from you. I’m going crazy here waiting for meetings and outcomes and feel helpless. Thank you

Oh right, so if his mum says hes innocent that must be right. Wtaf.

Schools are under enormous pressure to deal with what's been called the "rape culture in schools" after far too many years of not doing enough/anything. It's a very hot Ofsted topic. Previously there probably haven't been enough allegations because when there were made they were ignored or considered normal teenage behaviour.

www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/b41fb362-6615-4e9b-950e-36859358e023

A police escalation is very likely. Expulsion if he is found to be lying about such a serious matter
Good luck finding a new school if he is expelled for sexual assault.
I think it’s likely they will get to the bottom of it, he is best advised to show remorse now and try and salvage the situation before things get even worse.

Yes !

The two are not comparable and the fact you don’t realise that is rather scary.

Believe me - women, teenagers and children have been saying NO for centuries, men just don’t fucking hear it.

Her son has said he didn't do it and most of the time you are aware what type of child you have, so she must believe that he didn't do it . I would be angry with the girl and the school because why has he been excluded ? It's innocent until proven guilty not guilty untill proven innocent !!

But nobody gets proven guilty of this stuff!!! Because it's one person against the other

If everyone was aware what type of child they have, no one would ever be surprised when shown what their child has done on cctv, but they are. Thank goodness for cctv in schools now. I really hope this has been caught on cctv.

What do you think the outcome of this will be ?

It's a really scary place to be as the mother of a boy because it seems the girl is heavily supported.
My son was accused of inappropriate touching of a girl too.
When I spoke to my son he explained exactly what had happened and THANK GOD he had phone messages to back up his side and added a whole new light to the girls story.
Basically the 'exploring' had been mutual 3 days before the accusation. Text messages proved this as both saying it was nice and would happen again THEN they had a fight and suddenly the girls called the police saying son had done it all without consent.
My son turned up to school to be faced by police but we'd printed all the texts.

Nothing happened to the girl but it's scarred my son who at 22 is still super cautious with women (he says he gets written consent now for everything) half jokes.

It's like the fucking witch trials in here. Hopefully OP has had the sense to turn off the thread.

Won’t someone think of the men, when there’s a shocking statistic above stating clearly how many women have been assaulted, one rape per day in schools, and their attackers are swaggering around with fuck all consequences, whilst they live in fear and with the trauma of what happened.

Bore off.

I am also a mother of a daughter so don't think I can't see this from both sides.

Yes massive statistics but does that mean we believe the girl regardless every time? You have to think of the amount of boys being falsely accused because the girls realise they can hurt a boy like this.

It's about double education. Girls and boys need to be aware of the consequences of their actions in both directions. It's all too easy to ruin someone's life with a lie.

That must have been really scary for your son. I think there should be some kind of sanctions for false allegations (of any crime) but it's so hard and complex to enforce without deterring women from making genuine allegations.

I whole heartedly agree with you however girls who make false accusations are extremely stupid because what girl/woman have to go through once they make the allegation (when true) is horrendous and I definitely think girls/women should be punished when they make false allegations however sayings that I think men should be punished when the allegation is true but that sadly isn't always the case and I wouldn't want to deter real accusations not being made in case they think they'll face some sort of punishment. It's not clear cut and it's awful.

Yes, it does. Because too many men get away with this shit, with no consequences at all, either legal or social.

My daughter had her bum grabbed aged 14. The boy shouted "yes! I touched her arse!"

His parents were called, he was reprimanded and given a warning by the police.

The school knew which boy it was before my daughter even identified him

Have a look at the website “Everyone’s Invited “

Youll see how widespread the sexual harassment of girls and women in our schools and universities really is. It’s a sexist culture in which many boys get away with treating their female peers as less than human.

I’m not sure what “support” boys who harass girls should get, apart from therapy for their sexist mental imbalance.

@Covidagainandagain to clarify, absolutely none. He finds social interaction challenging at the best of times. The fear of offending inadvertently is enough to stop him speaking anyway.

What if (this is hypothetical by the way) there was a consensual interaction but then the girl decided she would exaggerate or make out it was not consensual?

Rape culture, right there. Because of course girls lie more than boys assault and harass.

I think we do need to push forward with this paradigm shift - to get used to asking if it is ok to give a hug. No sexual touching under age of consent AND before you know someone well enough to be comfortable talking about consent and boundaries. Default is no (girls and boys sexual/non-sexual). It is hard because the society we grew up in was different, but I think overall it will be more positive, kind and respectful to change. I’m sorry you are going through this OP - it is v hard for parents.

I do agree completely. What I am trying to say is when does that unwanted contact start? If a boy puts his arm around a girl to console her and she doesn’t tell him to stop, but then she goes on to say he touched me without my consent….do you see what I mean? Should we be telling our kids they can’t hug or console each other without written consent at the risk of being accused? I’m overthinking I know, but I now have to go to my kids and tell them to basically socially distance from the opposite sex for fear of something being said.

Unwanted contact starts when it's unwanted.

It shouldn't be down to her to say stop. It should be down to him to ask if it's ok to hug before he does it.

You do need to teach your kids to ensure consent before touching someone else's body.

You're being hyperbolic on written consent and social distancing but it's understandable that's your current frame of mind and upset.

Unfortunately if your son is of a similar mind to you as exampled above then he's probably done it and doesn't realise his actions have been inappropriate.

at your son though right?

OP, you mention hugs - in some posts you say why can't a boy put his arm around a girl to give her a hug, then in other posts you say the girl leans into opened arms to accept a hug.

These are different situations.

Which one is it?