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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

When is it OK for a teenager to be home alone for a week?

90 replies

RosePouchong · 28/06/2022 18:32

Hi

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

DD and her best friend are both 15. DD is turning 16 in a couple of weeks, her friend is turning 16 in a couple of months (not sure when - she's in the year below DD at school but I think she has an autumn birthday).

DD has told me that her friend is being left home alone for a week as her parents had a trip planned abroad, but the girl has mocks so needs to stay home. DD has asked me if she can stay with her friend that week.

Unfortunately, inviting her friend to stay with us is not an option right now as there is work being done on our house at the moment and everything is a bit chaotic, so the friend wouldn't be interested in staying here in the first place.

I know I have a tendency to be over protective, so wondered if I could have some thoughts on this? I wouldn't personally go abroad and leave DD alone for a week and am surprised this girl's parents are doing this, though I gather it is not against the law. I suppose I'd feel happier about this girl being left alone if my DD is staying with her.

I live 20 minutes walk away from the girl's house (I don't drive) if anything were to kick off.

Really don't know what to think/do about this.

OP posts:
tobee · 28/06/2022 21:24

I think it would be totally different if it was op going away and staying in a different house alone with the friend. Op could easily intervene if necessary. It depends on how op feels, how op feels about her dd and the friend and how friends parents feel. When I was left alone at that age I felt a bit lonely and had a friend to stay. But that was for a night or two.

It's not up to op to be responsible for the friend though and have her dd stay there through guilt.

MajorCarolDanvers · 28/06/2022 21:29

I think 16 is quite acceptable. And frankly a young person should be capable of looking after themselves by that age.

I know my 14 year old is already quite capable but I wouldn't actually leave him.

SnowWhitesSM · 28/06/2022 21:44

@LittleBoPeep345 I haven't read it but if it says it in the report then most likely. Then they recieve less funding. It's not considered acceptable and only happens in proper emergencies.

cheninblanc · 29/06/2022 10:45

I think there's a lot of things that would make me say yes, such as are there nearby family and friends? Does she know who to call in an emergency etc. We've only just left ours at 18 overnight as we have no one local to rely on if she needed it

BDeyes · 05/07/2022 18:28

16 obviously depending on the maturity of the individual teen. I was 16 when I was first left home alone whilst mum went away for a week in the early 1990s. I coped very well got myself up each morning and took myself off to work, I had a friend stay over at the weekend when I was off work. I wasn't the sort for wild parties. Its much easier now with mobile phones and face time etc to be in contact if teen needs you.

BarbedButterfly · 05/07/2022 19:04

This would be normal in my family and I was left alone for a week at that age. But I was fairly mature and responsible.

Cocowatermelon · 05/07/2022 19:26

If you’re leaning towards letting your daughter stay, you could make it a condition of your agreement that both girls come for dinner at yours every second day (or even every day if you’d feel better about it). Then you could walk them home after? Any dogs to walk at either house? That’s a good excuse for a 40min evening stroll. Eating dinner together would restrict the possibility of a weeklong party, give you a chance to keep an eye on the friend and your daughter, and give your dd opportunities to bail if things go south.

PMAmostofthetime · 05/07/2022 19:34

Until they are 18 you are still legally responsible for them do if anything happens to your child. You can be charged with Neglect. I think the school would be co concerned to hear she is staying alone for a week.

They are still in school, I think it's too young to be left for a week. Maybe a Day or an evening. But they would be very vulnerable for a week. X

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/07/2022 23:11

PMAmostofthetime · 05/07/2022 19:34

Until they are 18 you are still legally responsible for them do if anything happens to your child. You can be charged with Neglect. I think the school would be co concerned to hear she is staying alone for a week.

They are still in school, I think it's too young to be left for a week. Maybe a Day or an evening. But they would be very vulnerable for a week. X

No one is going to be charged with neglecting a 16 year old left at home. Nor will school get involved.

After all 16 year olds can leave and set up their own homes

worriedatthistime · 05/07/2022 23:26

Read the nspcc guidelines and it doesn't recommend leaving overnight at 15
Also whilst there are no laws as such , ss judge each situation on circumstances so could still do something if they deemed it warranted it

DivorcedAndDelighted · 05/07/2022 23:29

This girl is nearly 16 and I'd trust her family's judgement rather than worry about her exact age. For most of my children, I'd have had no concerns abput doing this at that age; for one of my older children, he wouldn't have been confident, so I wouldn't have left him.
At 15, my parents used to leave me in charge of their animals while they went away for a fortnight. I loved it.

worriedatthistime · 05/07/2022 23:30

@MajorCarolDanvers technically only with parental consent
My da friend is 17 and ss have been very involved with him when he decided to leave home

rnsaslkih · 05/07/2022 23:41

A 15yo, particularly with exams coming up, should not be left alone. Two 15yo kids in a school near me just killed themselves. Unless this trip is for a really serious matter, the parents are useless. Even if it’s really serious, they should have made arrangements for her to stay somewhere. Are you sure she couldn’t share your dds bedroom for a week?

rnsaslkih · 05/07/2022 23:42

I would have been really frightened for a week alone at 15.

avamiah · 05/07/2022 23:53

I am so glad I don’t have to deal with this yet as my DD is 13 soon and whenever I leave her alone for a few hours I come back to find the house is a total mess as she doesn’t put anything away and the funny thing is she is in the same position as I left her in ( on her bed on her phone talking to the same friend ) 😶.So obviously we must have ghosts who eat all the crisps and ice pops then don’t shut the freezer door properly.

So I think OP has a difficult decision but in my opinion I think 5 days is a bit too long.

Good luck

OnaBegonia · 06/07/2022 00:10

Nope. I'd be hesitant to leave a 17/18 yr old alone for that long
This cannot be serious? How are they going to cope at uni or shock if they actually leave home?
My DD2 went away to uni at 17,
now in 3rd year and still alive.

NeedToLeaveNow · 06/07/2022 00:15

20 years ago, At 16 i was a supervisor in a supermarket and in charge of 15 checkouts and the customer service desk and overseeing security collecting money from the tills

What is wrong with 15/16 year olds these days? Cant be left for a week on there own and someone saying they would contact social services 🙈

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/07/2022 00:18

RuthW · 28/06/2022 18:52

At 15 I would report to social services

Don't be daft 🙄

OP I did exactly that for two weeks and the most we did was try cooking a Chinese meal from a recipe book we found. We got ourselves to school on time - bus over an hour to school, all was fine.

They need to try these things out otherwise how will they cope when they leave for uni? Thru need to learn how to deal with it and cope when things don't go to plan.

avamiah · 06/07/2022 00:26

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor ,

I just think 5 days is too long to start off with and maybe start with a weekend first to see how everything goes.

BreadInCaptivity · 06/07/2022 00:31

Depends on the child.

At that age I was v mature and sensible. My parents would happily go away for a week without me (and I was fine with that also - rather than doing a hobby they enjoyed and I did not).

Would I have left my our families children at that age?

My DS yes. He's sensible and self sufficient. Much as I was and he would not throw a party.

DSD no way. She'd be fine but the house would be a wreak from parties (don't SM bash as her DM had the same view).

MajorCarolDanvers · 06/07/2022 08:15

worriedatthistime · 05/07/2022 23:30

@MajorCarolDanvers technically only with parental consent
My da friend is 17 and ss have been very involved with him when he decided to leave home

In England.

No so in other parts of the UK

And even in England no one is getting charged with neglect for leaving 16 and 17 year olds at home.

timestheyarechanging · 06/07/2022 09:09

I'm assuming yours will be 16 by then. Depending on how mature and sensible they are, I would, but I'd arrange for nearby family and friends to drop by daily.
I would video call a couple of times each day/night especially as they're doing exams.
Obv make sure they know how to work appliances and turn them off!
I'd leave post it notes by all appliances and the front door reminding them to take the keys!
Different situation I know, but I went away to work the holiday season 100s of miles away when I was 16 with my friend, we were absolutely fine.
I then had a full time job in central London whilst still 16 (train and tube commute) as did many of my friends and I reckon we'd have coped in an 'out of the box' situation.
Reporting to social services is ridiculous. Some of my friends, in the late 80s granted, left home at 16 as had full time jobs.

motogirl · 06/07/2022 09:17

17 yes, 15 no

RightOnTheEdge · 06/07/2022 09:21

Sunnytwobridges · 28/06/2022 19:04

Nope. I'd be hesitant to leave a 17/18 yr old alone for that long. But it would depend on the kid and my neighborhood.

🤣🤣🤣 you can't be serious?

Oblomov22 · 06/07/2022 09:25

"I'd be hesitant to leave a 17/18 yr old alone for that long. But it would depend on the kid and my neighborhood."

Disagree. I wouldn't be hesitant. Ds1 is incredibly mature and would think nothing of it.