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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

When is it OK for a teenager to be home alone for a week?

90 replies

RosePouchong · 28/06/2022 18:32

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

DD and her best friend are both 15. DD is turning 16 in a couple of weeks, her friend is turning 16 in a couple of months (not sure when - she's in the year below DD at school but I think she has an autumn birthday).

DD has told me that her friend is being left home alone for a week as her parents had a trip planned abroad, but the girl has mocks so needs to stay home. DD has asked me if she can stay with her friend that week.

Unfortunately, inviting her friend to stay with us is not an option right now as there is work being done on our house at the moment and everything is a bit chaotic, so the friend wouldn't be interested in staying here in the first place.

I know I have a tendency to be over protective, so wondered if I could have some thoughts on this? I wouldn't personally go abroad and leave DD alone for a week and am surprised this girl's parents are doing this, though I gather it is not against the law. I suppose I'd feel happier about this girl being left alone if my DD is staying with her.

I live 20 minutes walk away from the girl's house (I don't drive) if anything were to kick off.

Really don't know what to think/do about this.

OP posts:

itwasntmetho · 06/07/2022 09:32

I wouldn't have a problem with this. I think it's quite an ordinary thing.

chiffchaffchiff · 06/07/2022 15:54

My parents left home at home for long weekends when I was 14 and for a week from 15. I was sensible and my friends were sensible. I had people round but no parties and no drinking. Just small groups ordering takeaway and renting films (back when you had to rent them 🤣)

Tryingtokeepgoing · 06/07/2022 16:12

OnaBegonia · 06/07/2022 00:10

Nope. I'd be hesitant to leave a 17/18 yr old alone for that long
This cannot be serious? How are they going to cope at uni or shock if they actually leave home?
My DD2 went away to uni at 17,
now in 3rd year and still alive.

I'm with you! If I didn't feel able to leave a 17 year old at home for a week then I'd think I'd made a pretty poor job of parenting tbh. Unless there's a massive driip feed about to come...

worriedatthistime · 07/07/2022 01:26

@MajorCarolDanvers but they are 15 not 16 or 17

worriedatthistime · 07/07/2022 01:30

@MajorCarolDanvers that to me is the difference they are not 16 yet , at 16 I have left ds at home for a night or two but I wouldn't of left him for a week at 15 , as technically yes SS could get involved then despite what people say , they can look at each situation individually and deem as necessary and I have used the nspcc guidelines along with my judgement and maturity of my dc to decide when to leave
Also if leaving together i waited until both were older as they were less trustworthy together

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/07/2022 07:03

Depends entirely on what type of teen they are.

Having said that if their school mates get to hear there’s an empty house then a party might be forced on them regardless of whether they’re the party type!

SEMPA1234567 · 09/07/2022 07:25

Depends entirely on the child. If they’re the type to take drugs/have party’s etc then no, but if they’re sensible girls then yes. At 15/16 if they’ve been raised correctly they should be more than capable of looking after themselves for a week (cooking, washing etc). In the unlikely event that something goes wrong you’ll be there to help out. They’re very close to being adults and I personally don’t think it does children any good to mollycoddle them, a bit of independence will be good for their development.

Purple52 · 09/07/2022 09:14

I was left home alone for a week at that age!

there was a party my parents didn’t know about. But they came home to a clean house! …. Just some of the pictures were on the wrong walls! 🙈

id only had 10 people round, all of which come round regularly, they’d literally swapped the pictures because they knew mum and dad were away & I wouldn’t notice!

I wouldn’t leave my 11 & 13 year old home alone for a week (or even over night) yet. But I know they could do it. They are fully house trained in skills, just a little lacking in willingness when it comes to tidying/cleaning without being nagged.

Purple52 · 09/07/2022 09:17

I’d be asking who’s going to the party. What food there is. How much alcohol there will be. A very honest conversation about not having unprotected sex, including handing over condoms and asking what the clean up plan is before the friends parents get home.

there’s nothing like your parents knowing what you’re planning to put you off actually doing it!!

Ibizamumof4 · 09/07/2022 16:03

I was left at 16. Guess depends on where you going, personality of child , and yeah how close anyone is if there was a disaster. But I don’t think her parents are asking you to do anything? If you don’t want your DD to stay then guess don’t !

MALJA · 09/07/2022 20:08

Its up to the parents whether they let her stay home alone (although I think under 16 they shouldn’t be left alone over night). they clearly trust her though and may have people checking in on her like neighbours/ family.

You don’t have to let your daughter stay with her though especially as you’re uncomfortable with it so I’d just take that stance. If the other kid’s got mocks then your daughter staying would be beside the point of her staying home at all as there’d be no studying going on.

JustDanceAddict · 10/07/2022 08:10

i have to say it really depends on the child, but 16 at the youngest for a week.
We left our two alone together at 17 & 15 for one night, then gradually built it up.
My DD could have managed a night or two at 16 but it was never necessary.
We left DS at 17 for one night, but he had friends round & we built it up over that year until he could do a week at rising 18.
I was never left until I was 18!

MilitantFaucet · 10/07/2022 08:16

It’s not the leaving her home that bothers me as much as the fact they’re leaving her because she’s got exams. If so he’s taking them seriously she’ll need a bit of parenting at some point, even if it’s just a bag of sweets and a cuppa. Seems thoughtless.

CateJW · 10/07/2022 10:02

This massively depends on the teen (I work with kids from ages 2-18) and how confident and independent they are.
I babysat over night three under 5 when I was 14, and have a babysitter who has been with me since my son was 3 months and she was just 14.
However I have 16yr olds I work with who I wouldn't leave alone, let alone in charge of little ones
I wouldn't automatically think badly of anyone leaving a 15/16yr old home a line for a week ( some people are mother's at that age and manage ok). I would only worry if I knew the child and had reason to think they wouldn't be ok or sensible alone .

CruCru · 10/07/2022 11:33

When I was about 15, I was in the position that the OP’s daughter was in - except my friend’s mum was going away for several weeks and wanted —expected— me to stay over for the time she was away. She mentioned that I might want to stay over in a vague way and it was only when I asked my friend what she meant that she told me that I would have to stay there (I have always hated staying over).

In the end my mum rang the other mum and said that I wasn’t going to be supervising her daughter and she had to organise proper childcare.

Does this family actually want or expect the OP’s daughter to stay over? It isn’t obvious that they do - if not then it may be that the OP will be overstepping. The family have a different parenting style and if the mum gets defensive it’s because she feels a bit judged.

Realistically the OP’s daughter cannot be responsible for someone two months younger.

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