When is it OK for a teenager to be home alone for a week?

[RosePouchong]

Hi

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

DD and her best friend are both 15. DD is turning 16 in a couple of weeks, her friend is turning 16 in a couple of months (not sure when - she's in the year below DD at school but I think she has an autumn birthday).

DD has told me that her friend is being left home alone for a week as her parents had a trip planned abroad, but the girl has mocks so needs to stay home. DD has asked me if she can stay with her friend that week.

Unfortunately, inviting her friend to stay with us is not an option right now as there is work being done on our house at the moment and everything is a bit chaotic, so the friend wouldn't be interested in staying here in the first place.

I know I have a tendency to be over protective, so wondered if I could have some thoughts on this? I wouldn't personally go abroad and leave DD alone for a week and am surprised this girl's parents are doing this, though I gather it is not against the law. I suppose I'd feel happier about this girl being left alone if my DD is staying with her.

I live 20 minutes walk away from the girl's house (I don't drive) if anything were to kick off.

Really don't know what to think/do about this.

Agree.

And the poster hesitant to leave a 17/18 year old alone for a week! Madness

Surely if the friend has exams etc, she shouldn't be having a friend over!!! Am I missing something?

OP- its not your responsibility to provide someone to stay with this other girl! Being in a year group younger than your own DD, I do wonder if a relative/neighbour/adult friend wouldnt be checking on her anyways. Can you not speak to the parents?

I think MN is a different world sometimes as I said I lived alone from 16 many girls I know that age did; I had a friend who lived in her own flat with a baby at 16 (not saying that’s ideal!)

Also when I lived alone I never had any parties I am an introvert though so depends on the child but doesn’t mean they will be having parties.

I was first left alone about age 16/17. I proudly did 2 loads of wash, hung out and folded all up- before realising I hadn't used any washing detergent!!!

Surely it’s up to her parents what they do and up to you what you do
I would not get involved in the friend’s arrangements but would not let my daughter stay apart from perhaps at the weekend

Left mine for a week during the period after they finished their GCSE's (so 16 and 5m). Left other one for 5 days aged just 16. No parties.

well, we left DD1 (16) and DS (14) for an evening. Left a debit card for an emergency which apparently meant £30.00 at Mc Donalds.

Cheaper than a babysitter, I guess

I wouldn't think anything. They obviously know their daughter plus you don't know if they have relatives! +/neighbours checking in etc. A client of mine was just telling me they were off to check in on their teenage neice today!
And yes I was also living alone at 16 so the social services suggestion is hilarious to me .

I lived on my own at 16 and got into numerous unsafe situations. I would not be comfortable with my dd ending up in similar ones. She can wait until uni to get into those 😆

Some dc are really sensible (my dd would just work, eat, game and sleep) - my ds would be at my barcardi and inviting his mates round. You can't judge it on age.

You are still legally responsible for your dc until 18, so if your house did burn down whilst you were away, that negligence would be on you.

A week is definitely too much, especially during exams.
Do they leave her regularly so it’s something normal at their family? I wonder if they secretly count on you looking after her hence inviting your daughter.
My parents were pretty relaxed about leaving me alone at home building it up from the age of 6. At this age I was regularly left for a weekend (one night away) but not for a week and never during exams.We had very good neighbours and my aunt and her family lived 10 minutes walk from us, not that they were checking on me ever as I was considered as sensible.

Strangely a lot of my dds friends were left alone during the last half term holiday. They are all in the lower 6th and were revising for exams the week after, but their parents went away! I found it very odd. My dd stayed with one of her friends for a few days, and they were fine - but revising was taking all of their energies.

I did leave my dd alone for a few days when she was 16 - not intentionally as her father was meant to be having her but he's an arse and left her alone. I came home to a letter from the police about the noise one night when she had some friends over.

I wouldn't choose to leave my daughter at home alone. She can't be trusted at all!

Well we've booked to go away for a week leaving DS 16 home alone.
In my defence this is partly because we hardly took any holidays earlier in the year.
To be honest I think he's looking forward to the peace and quiet, although I may send some relatives up for the weekend. I don't worry about him, I worry more about us being judged for doing it.

I wouldn’t be comfortable with a week away at 15. It just doesn’t sit right with me. I was left alone for several days at 16/17, but not before.

I know DD (17) would be fine for a week, as those two years have made big difference maturity-wise.

I want abroad (non English speaking country) on a teletext self catering holiday for a week at just turned 16. I really don't see an issue with a nearly 16 year old staying at home for a week.

And really, it's none of your business! It's not your child.

I have a 15 year old.. listening to onne side of an x box conversation.. They all are far more immature than i was at that age.

I do think 16 is the cut off in my mind though for leaving a DC alone overnight.
If you're reasonably comfortable with it I'd let your DD stay with her - it could be a good experience for both of them.

I never left mine until 18. Then I had my sister, his Aunt check up on him mid week and left extra cash around the house so if he rang in emergency I could tell him where it was. I got him to text me each day to day he was ok but on my defense my son had ADHD and no common sense plus very impulsive.

I also meant to say it depends where the house is and if you know the neighbours.

We live in a cul de sac and I'm in our street book group, so I'm sure I would be notified toute suite if something bad was going on .

Although I clearly couldn't do much from abroad I have neighbours who would step in and nearby friends if he had to stay with someone.

Strangely, I’m more nervous about leaving a teenager at home than I am with them traveling! I was also traveling abroad at 16, but a teenager alone in the house seems more of a responsibility. What if a fire broke out or we got burgled? I feel that DD (17) could deal with that now, but not at 15. DS (14 later this year) has alot of growing up to do before we could leave him for 24 hours, he’d panic in a crisis and doesn’t like being alone for more than a few hours atm.

DD was 15 during the pandemic so we couldn’t go anywhere anyway!

I would only leave my 16 year old if there was someone who they could contact if required who could be there in a very short space of time.

I have two teenagers - one would have coped much better at 16 than the other.

I would let your DD stay and keep a close eye on them both.

At 15 I would report to social services

Maybe you could include all the 15 year olds living alone in bedsits paid for by SS in your report.

@LittleBoPeep345 tbf 15yr olds in bedsits is what a council would be failed for in an ofsted inspection for. They're classed as unsuitable accommodation and it rarely rarely happens nowadays.

Although my 15 year old (16 in September) is very sensible and knows the basics of safety in the home, I wonder how she'd cope in a real emergency if left alone.

@SnowWhitesSM That will explain why Bradford Children‘s Services have had an inadequate rating every year for the last five years then.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/bradford-childrens-services-commissioners-report