Am I being mean to my teenage dc?

[PangolinPie]

I expect them to wash their own clothes, it's pretty much the only chore they have to do as I've given up trying to get them to keep their rooms clean. Ds14 is pretty good at washing and hanging up his clothes to dry but dd17 is atrocious. She can go up to 2.5 weeks not washing a thing (has lots of clothes though). 3 or 4 days ago she put a load on to wash which I moved, wet, into a basket and it has sat there ever since, mustering away. I COULD hang it up for her but there was no room on the dryer and anyway, she should do it, right? I'm normally nails about expecting them to do this one thing but for some reason I'm dithering. It would be easy for me to give in and just do all their washing, particularly dds who I fear is getting to the stage where she wears pants more than once 😖

Only on MN can expecting your teenager to do their own laundry be considered akin to child abuse!

Only on MN can expecting your teenager to do their own laundry be considered akin to child abuse!

Because it's a simple thing they can do for themselves, once I've taught them how and helped them create good habits. 👍

I am not saying this is you op

But that was pretty much the gist of your previous posts, wasn't it?

The "checked out" parents of whom you speak obviously would not be self questioning or posting on mumsnet asking whether they were being mean to their teen dc.

The OP very clearly is trying her absolute best - as we all are - to teach our kids how to run a household. That process is not always easy or pretty.

I really can't stand neglectful parents (not saying you are one before you start swearing at me)

Except for the part where you already did

Outafocus · 04/05/2022 10:55
MrsSkylerWhite
Outafocus · 03/05/2022 07:17
I don't do washing for anyone over the age of “

why?
Because it's a simple thing they can do for themselves, once I've taught them how and helped them create good habits. 👍

isn’t it more cost effective to put everyone’s in together?

Only on MN would a 17 year old walk around in clothes that are festering for weeks without being washed, and the mother posts to ask if she is being mean?!

We ALL teach our dc to do the laundry and cook etc so what? It is laundry, not astrophysics. It is weird the obsession on here regarding some basic life skills as if all parents are not doing it already. If the limit to your ambitions for your kid is to simply teach them how to press a button on a machine and hang up some wet clothes, I would say aim higher candy and if they are having a rough few weeks, stretch yourself and press the button yourself. It is not that difficult!

FFS honestly I find this thread so deeply disappointing on a human level.

You and me both, but possibly for different reasons.

Torquil and Arabella must be equally disappointed that polo and advanced embroidery are not also on their list of essential life skills.

Knowing when to quit and how to climb down from ivory towers are perhaps other things they'll have to learn outside the family.

They have enough clothes for a full load, it makes zero difference to cost effectiveness.

Ah-ha very cute but largely inaccurate assumptions foiled laced with classism for good measure. Well done you.

Pots and kettles palmtrees, as upthread you had no qualms about stealth-boasting your status, despite it being completely irrelevant to the discussion.

There is no such thing as class; it is what humans who can buy stuff think they have, and then use to tell other humans who don't have the same stuff what they should be doing. Please carry on, as you most certainly will anyway.

We have always thrown all the washing into one basket. Mixed loads all the way. My DC didn't have to do their own washing at home and guess what? It took them no time at all to master this tricky skill when they left home. Don't kid yourself that you're somehow imparting valuable life skills by making them do their own washing!
Now as adults when they come to visit I offer to do any washing but generally they say it's ok, they'll just take it back home with them.
Mountains and molehills!

I have my older two kids hoovering the stairs, hall way and kitchen. My daughter even mops the kitchen and does a good job of it!!! They're 11 & 12, both autistic and son has ADHD. Nobody died or anything! They got some pocket money and they were happy.

Me too - but mainly because of the amount of complete shit you've totally invented!!

Only on MN would a 17 year old walk around in clothes that are festering for weeks without being washed, and the mother posts to ask if she is being mean?!

Once again for the criminally hard of fucking understanding - THIS NEVER HAPPENED!!

@Swayingpalmtrees can you really not see that a teenager walking around in stinky clothes does not automatically mean they have MH issues?

Everything you've posted insinuates that the OPs teen "needs help and support" and that OP isn't providing that.

That's just bollocks and I can see why the OP got pissed off with you.

I have a teen who would quite happily rewear the same clothes over and over. He'd go days without showering.

There's fuck all wrong with his mental health he's just a lazy little shit who puts things like going out mountain biking with his mates higher up on his list of priorities than loading the washing machine!

My my you're all with the assumptions up there in your ivory tower aren't you? My aim is fine, thanks.

This thread is priceless. So much projection and defensiveness.

We have all of our older children do daily chores, and one extra weekly chore. No pocket money involved, just a sense of routine and an awareness of their place within the household.

Quick - call the NSPCC. 😄

Is this when they are home from boarding school, or every day?

I have always done everything for everyone in the house. I have never asked them to do anything

However as they grew up they started to take over doing things naturally.

I think because I never asked them the inclination came from them to ask how the washing machine, dishwasher etc worked
Cooking they looked up on YouTube TikTok etc as that is still a mystery to me.

I think because I grew up being made to clean and hated it (Still do) I wanted to try the opposite way.

www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2015/12/08/research-indicates-sparing-chores-spoils-children-and-their-future-selves/ZLvMznpC5btmHtNRXXhNFJ/story.html

Yes I agree.
So. Much. Defensiveness.
Poor OP asked if she was being mean - she's not in my opinion.
Why can't those who disagree with the OP do so politely without making such a drama of a near adult child being introduced to learning a life skill?
The daughter isn't 3, she's not being sent up a chimney or down a coal mine.

I've never seen so much projection on a thread.