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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Am I being mean to my teenage dc?

198 replies

PangolinPie · 03/05/2022 07:00

I expect them to wash their own clothes, it's pretty much the only chore they have to do as I've given up trying to get them to keep their rooms clean. Ds14 is pretty good at washing and hanging up his clothes to dry but dd17 is atrocious. She can go up to 2.5 weeks not washing a thing (has lots of clothes though). 3 or 4 days ago she put a load on to wash which I moved, wet, into a basket and it has sat there ever since, mustering away. I COULD hang it up for her but there was no room on the dryer and anyway, she should do it, right? I'm normally nails about expecting them to do this one thing but for some reason I'm dithering. It would be easy for me to give in and just do all their washing, particularly dds who I fear is getting to the stage where she wears pants more than once 😖

OP posts:
lljkk · 03/05/2022 09:36

getting to the stage where she wears pants more than once

I'm finding it amusing this is considered the ultimate red line. What do we think happens at festivals, on DoE expeditions, travel in exotic lands, etc.?

My teens aren't allowed to run the machine. I shudder at the prospect. They would repeatedly wash 1-3 small items at a time at wrong temp, wrong amount of deterg., inconvenient times, weird long cycles, making it hard for rest of us to get anything else washed at convenient times.

I have 2 adult DC & they have managed fine after they moved out with laundry choices. I gave them a few last minute lessons & they muddled thru.

LorW · 03/05/2022 09:40

Im mid 20s and I know people who still get their washing, cooking and cleaning done by their mums. I think you’re failing your children if you don’t teach them valuable skills for adulthood.

Just remind them OP (your washing is still wet in the basket, it will get musty and you’ll have to rewash) if they still choose to leave it then that is natural consequences.

TrashyPanda · 03/05/2022 09:40

Bagelsandbrie · 03/05/2022 07:40

10 is too young to be doing their own washing.

Show quote history

There used to be a Brownie badge called “Laundress”

guess what they had to do?

why is 10 too young now when 7 year olds used to be able to washing just fine?
.

sickofthisnonsense · 03/05/2022 10:25

If it's the only chore they do and she's left it then no don't do it for them.

Washing is my DH's department. So it all gets done as a family wash except bedsheets and reusable sanitary stuff. That's the kids doing there own.

sickofthisnonsense · 03/05/2022 10:25

If it's the only chore they do and she's left it then no don't do it for them.

Washing is my DH's department. So it all gets done as a family wash except bedsheets and reusable sanitary stuff. That's the kids doing there own.

IsabelHerna · 03/05/2022 10:25

Why are you doing laundry separately? It's worse for the environment, your water and electricity bill and your washing machine. Also, there are easier chores for your teenagers to do, and some that at least promote unity in the family.

Beamur · 03/05/2022 10:29

Either leave it or do it.
Personally I think doing personal laundry is a bit daft. For the reasons people have already said.
What is your DD good at? Or enjoys doing? Maybe she could cook a meal or do the ironing?
It doesn't sound like doing your own washing is working very well for any of you.

Olsi109 · 03/05/2022 10:35

Personally I would do it. My DD's are 11 and 14 (younger I know but the same stands now as it will then), if it's in the washing basket then I will wash it. I have made them hand wash clothes before if say I put a darks load in then they wake up and put their darks in the basket from the night before so they always put in basket when taken off. They do however hang the laundry out when I ask them to, bring it in and fold it when I ask, iron it when I ask. So I feel like I'm still teaching them valuable life lessons. I wouldn't want the cost of extra wash loads etc x

Theoldwoman · 03/05/2022 10:49

Outafocus · 03/05/2022 07:17

I don't do washing for anyone over the age of 10.

Leave her to it, op! She's better off learning at home than in a house share.

That's pretty sad.

EvilPea · 03/05/2022 10:53

User135792468 · 03/05/2022 07:02

Yes, I think it’s awful you can’t be bothered to wash their clothes. Let’s be honest, if it was to help them for their future, you would teach them and ask them to help occasionally. I think you’re lazy.

Anyone want any popcorn?

this is gonna be EPIC

Outafocus · 03/05/2022 10:59

Theoldwoman · 03/05/2022 10:49

That's pretty sad.

Show quote history

Equivalent to sending them down the mines!

Swayingpalmtrees · 03/05/2022 10:59

It is tragic to grow up in a home that is so disjointed and unkind that you can walk around for stinking unwashed clothes for weeks, and no one will care. No one will ask you if you are okay? If you are coping? Do you need help? A hug? A hand?
I just can not understand the mindset that unless you are doing your washing, then you are not worthy of consideration and that the only thing that matters is your chore list. I can not fathom growing up in such a hostile home that let one of us struggle, and it is judged and criticised rather than supported and cared for. There is something very much 'you made your bed' about the sheer militancy of some of the answers on here.
My dd is overwhelmed with testing - our schools planned assessments just in case of a spring lockdown, they have their exams coming up and it is like a pressure cooker at school. The pressure on your dd17 is huge and real, but all you seem to care about is her bloody laundry!! Talk about seriously missing the point.

It is so desperately sad for her and for your other dd, I am not even sure I believe it. No one could be so unkind and unloving to their children, as to let them walk around for weeks in unwashed clothes without even offering to help!

Popcorn or not this is really sad, and not funny at all.

Theoldwoman · 03/05/2022 11:01

Bumpsadaisie · 03/05/2022 08:07

You can't allow your teen Dd to wear pants twice. So something needs doing.

But what?

Probably not just stepping in and doing it for her. But not just leaving her to it either.

Could you talk to her, say she isn't wearing clean clothes regularly enough to amount to good self care, and how can you help her?

Would it help if you did a few loads for her, to give her a reset?

See what she says?

Why can't she wear pants twice?

DailySheetWasher · 03/05/2022 11:07

I'm pretty sure we're taking about underpants @Theoldwoman

DeskInUse · 03/05/2022 11:09

I don't think you're mean at all. My 14 yr old dd now has to do all her own ironing (tbh she only irons school shirts), and tidy her room once a week before the cleaner arrives. I think at that age they should be more than capable of washing their own clothes

TrashyPanda · 03/05/2022 11:10

Outafocus · 03/05/2022 10:59

Equivalent to sending them down the mines!

Show quote history

Or up chimneys

pooktline · 03/05/2022 11:11

@TrashyPanda

I have never considered 'there used to be...' a reasonable argument for anything.

Interesting that there isn't one anymore though.

Wallywobbles · 03/05/2022 11:13

Same rule in this house including DSC. Not touched anyones washing since they were all about 11.

TrashyPanda · 03/05/2022 11:13

pooktline · 03/05/2022 11:11

@TrashyPanda

I have never considered 'there used to be...' a reasonable argument for anything.

Interesting that there isn't one anymore though.

thats nice for you

DropYourSword · 03/05/2022 11:15

User3568975431146 · 03/05/2022 08:18

It's really not a big deal to wash their clothes while you're putting a load on yourself, I'm not sure what you're expecting to achieve to be honest. It seems like a weird thing to choose to cause a drama over.

The hassle over this will be a memory for her, it is unnecessary. Just hung their washing in the machine while you're doing yours for goodness sake. Pick your battles and this just isn't one to have.

Schrodingers laundry: both no big deal AND such a great hassle it'll create lasting memories all at the same time

If it's no big deal for the OP to throw a wash load in, why is it SUCH a big deal for a 17 year old to do it.

Wallywobbles · 03/05/2022 11:17

She clearly needs more practice not less. That's what anyone showing incompetence learns here.

Discovereads · 03/05/2022 11:18

PangolinPie · 03/05/2022 07:00

I expect them to wash their own clothes, it's pretty much the only chore they have to do as I've given up trying to get them to keep their rooms clean. Ds14 is pretty good at washing and hanging up his clothes to dry but dd17 is atrocious. She can go up to 2.5 weeks not washing a thing (has lots of clothes though). 3 or 4 days ago she put a load on to wash which I moved, wet, into a basket and it has sat there ever since, mustering away. I COULD hang it up for her but there was no room on the dryer and anyway, she should do it, right? I'm normally nails about expecting them to do this one thing but for some reason I'm dithering. It would be easy for me to give in and just do all their washing, particularly dds who I fear is getting to the stage where she wears pants more than once 😖

I think it’s fine you expect them to wash their own clothes. However, I think taking your DDs wet clothes out of a washer and not hanging them up, not saying anything to her is deliberately ruining her clothes which is mean. I wouldn’t have done that to my much loathed pig of a flatmate I had whilst at uni.

In that situation, I would have hung up the clothes as in my family we have a concept of all chipping in, helping each other out and if you see something that needs doing, and have the time, just do it.

Scooby5kids · 03/05/2022 11:19

She's 17 and if that's the only chore she has to do then she s got it easy in my opinion. All she has to do it stuff her clothes into the washing machine, forget about it for an hour or so then go back and hang it on the airer and wait until it's dry. I was doing the whole families washing at that age, on my day off from working full time and giving my mum rent money. I also washed up and help clean the house. I didn't even have to be asked, I just did it to help my mum out.

DropYourSword · 03/05/2022 11:19

Swayingpalmtrees · 03/05/2022 10:59

It is tragic to grow up in a home that is so disjointed and unkind that you can walk around for stinking unwashed clothes for weeks, and no one will care. No one will ask you if you are okay? If you are coping? Do you need help? A hug? A hand?
I just can not understand the mindset that unless you are doing your washing, then you are not worthy of consideration and that the only thing that matters is your chore list. I can not fathom growing up in such a hostile home that let one of us struggle, and it is judged and criticised rather than supported and cared for. There is something very much 'you made your bed' about the sheer militancy of some of the answers on here.
My dd is overwhelmed with testing - our schools planned assessments just in case of a spring lockdown, they have their exams coming up and it is like a pressure cooker at school. The pressure on your dd17 is huge and real, but all you seem to care about is her bloody laundry!! Talk about seriously missing the point.

It is so desperately sad for her and for your other dd, I am not even sure I believe it. No one could be so unkind and unloving to their children, as to let them walk around for weeks in unwashed clothes without even offering to help!

Popcorn or not this is really sad, and not funny at all.

The absolute projection in this is insane!!

FoiledByTheInsect · 03/05/2022 11:20

RampantIvy · 03/05/2022 07:17

It can't be very fuel or water efficient to have everyone do their own washing.

I separate washing by colour. If everyone in the house did their own washing the machine would be on several times a day instead of 3 or 4 times a week.

I've found it far more efficient, as the two teen DC used to dump all their clothes in the laundry basket daily, now they have the LB in their room and wash things once a week, or less. So they wear clothes for longer instead of washing eg jeans every day which is totally unnecessary.

I told them take it in turns to wash for both of them. One DC very good at remembering, other DC keeps forgetting, or leaves the washing in the machine without turning it on, then refuses to turn it on (no idea why). I unloaded it to wash for rest of family, so the dutiful DC got no clean clothes that week and had to take issue with the lazy one instead of blaming me.

YANBU OP. Consequences, who else is going to teach them?