So draining living with teenagers!

[hellswelshy]

Is it just me? I have two teen dd's. They are not awful by any means but my god they are sucking the life out of me! Sullen, sour faced, miserable about 90 % of the time, self absorbed etc. It's like living with two people who I do lots for but in turn they are not interested in me, selfish, and almost constantly simmering with dislike for me Example: one of them just got back from school, I called out hi love how's your day? Grunt in reply. Then Can I go out? That's it, no asking me how my day was, face like thunder. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS LAST????

Weight and measure , do you mind if I ask you did you do any therapy or go down the road in terms of adhd for your dd? Your story sounds all too familiar but is still going on although improved. Diagnosed adhd but doctor also think bpd traits which I also believe 😔 it’s horrendous and sometimes we literally feel bullied and afraid of her

I should feel better reading all the posts above but I find them bewildering and they fill me with sadness. It makes me sad to read how lovely caring parents are spoken to , it’s insane and I’m growing tired of it always being justified by teenage hormones etc. I don’t remember anyone speaking to their parents like this (I’m 50) we certainly didn’t , yes moody and resentful but screaming at a mum because the washing doesn’t smell the right way . We have had a long journey with our dd, started at 13 with serious mental health issues and hanging out with the wrong crowd, drinking , getting up to all sorts . We threw time , money, love at it all . The other dc have suffered with the eldest moving out because of the drama, our marriage is pretty much dead , not because we don’t care for each other but I think we are just so burnt out . She had been diagnosed with bpd and had currently just said she won’t go to therapy. I suspect that she has now started dabbling in cocaine . You can’t say anything to her even in the most respectful way because she erupts. She says she isn’t better but wonts take the meds prescribed, I suspect because she is taking other stuff. The way she speaks is awful sometimes and while I know that’s part of bpd I am also weary of trying to get her to finish school whilst assuring her if she’s not able we can figure something else out. She is stunningly pretty has a huge complex about her looks . I feel with the recent discovery of her taking cocaine I just can’t do it anymore and like a previous poster said , I don’t want to go home in the evening. It has had huge mental health affects and I have put on a huge amount of weight from stress eating and I drink too much wine! Anyway don’t really know where this post is going, just having a rant I guess. My mum died a few years back and recently I don’t sleep well and miss her desperately. I know I will be crucified probably for this but I spend a lot of my time wishing I never had kids and how better my life would have been without them 😔 sorry for all the negativity but thanks for ‘listening’

Oh God @Frenziedandfurious holidays are so difficult. We had booked to go on a family holiday to Mexico at Christmas 2021. We decided to postpone partly because of Omicron but partly because of the relationship between dds 1 and 3. Dd3 (15) claims her oldest sister is bullying her and being a bitch. As far as we can see, dd1 has made the odd comment and a slightly passive aggressive text message but nothing out of the ordinary for siblings.

We postponed the holiday to Easter 2022. But we are now in exactly the same situation, dd3 freaks out if dd1 comes anywhere near her, won't even pass her on the stairs There's no way we can consider a family holiday, especially one that costs a lot of money, currently. We can't get a refund on the holiday, we can only move it. So we're going to move it to Christmas 2022. In the meantime we'll do a split holiday over Easter - me, dd3 and dd2 together, then dh and dd1 together. Dd1 is very upset about this and thinks dd3 is splitting the family up. I just don't know what to do.

@NinaLu I'm so sorry to hear that, very stressful. And sorry about you mum, you must miss her dreadfully. I think your last sentence if very honest and I'm sure we've all felt like that at times. I sometimes wonder how much easier life would have been if I'd stopped at 2 children as it's dd3 who has autism and is a big worry. But then I try and look for the positives - she was a lovely baby/toddler/small child, so sweet and happy and we had some lovely times together. And I am hoping this difficult bit will pass eventually. But right now it's going painfully slowly.

@Allaboutthebooks middle dd is very mature and sensible and can see both sides. Dd3 does go through periods of having someone to hate, she actually didn’t get on that well with dd2 a while back but they’re very close now. And she’s not keen on Dh either. But it’s much more extreme with dd1 ☹️

I completely empathise. My daughter is 14, and I went out yesterday morning to get away from her, I spent most of the day crying, I am desperately unhappy because of the relentless teenage battering , we were so close until about a year ago. To say it’s difficult is the biggest understatement!! She threatens to leave on almost a daily basis. I am wishing the next 4 years away so that uni arrives - how awful am I!!

It's like that last month of pregnancy......
I hated it, being told all the things I'd done wrong as a parent (upto that point I thought I was pretty great) having to battle for everything. The arguments between themselves. They are 23 and 20 now and much nicer humans although they still have their moments! I'm hoping ds will be easier than dds!!!

@bendmeoverbackwards

Oh God *@Frenziedandfurious* holidays are so difficult. We had booked to go on a family holiday to Mexico at Christmas 2021. We decided to postpone partly because of Omicron but partly because of the relationship between dds 1 and 3. Dd3 (15) claims her oldest sister is bullying her and being a bitch. As far as we can see, dd1 has made the odd comment and a slightly passive aggressive text message but nothing out of the ordinary for siblings.

We postponed the holiday to Easter 2022. But we are now in exactly the same situation, dd3 freaks out if dd1 comes anywhere near her, won't even pass her on the stairs There's no way we can consider a family holiday, especially one that costs a lot of money, currently. We can't get a refund on the holiday, we can only move it. So we're going to move it to Christmas 2022. In the meantime we'll do a split holiday over Easter - me, dd3 and dd2 together, then dh and dd1 together. Dd1 is very upset about this and thinks dd3 is splitting the family up. I just don't know what to do.

Well, she's not wrong is she? :(

You sound like my parents tbh. My younger sister was pandered to at all times despite her horrendous behaviour.

I did NOTHING to provoke her awful attitude towards me.

Result? As adults we have no relationship at all and my relationship with my mother is not close.

It's not helped her either. She is an unhappy, nasty adult.

@MamaofoneDD

I completely empathise. My daughter is 14, and I went out yesterday morning to get away from her, I spent most of the day crying, I am desperately unhappy because of the relentless teenage battering , we were so close until about a year ago. To say it’s difficult is the biggest understatement!! She threatens to leave on almost a daily basis. I am wishing the next 4 years away so that uni arrives - how awful am I!!

I used to spend whole days and weekends at friends houses or went away once I could drive to get away from my sister so I can empathise :(

I think it seems so much worse now tbh (social media??) But it seemed bad enough to me at the time.

I was told "I wish you were dead" every night and every morning for about 3 years...

Definitely exacerbated by social media. Oh gosh yes, I’m told all the time that she wishes I wasn’t her mother, that her life is awful because of me, that so should learn how to be a better parent, and on it goes. Today is Mother’s Day; no card, no cuddle, not anything, it’s heartbreaking 😥

@MamaofoneDD

Definitely exacerbated by social media. Oh gosh yes, I’m told all the time that she wishes I wasn’t her mother, that her life is awful because of me, that so should learn how to be a better parent, and on it goes. Today is Mother’s Day; no card, no cuddle, not anything, it’s heartbreaking 😥

Happy mothers day 💐💜

I hope you all do something for yourselves today.
You deserve it 💐
Let's be honest, if these weren't your children you'd be trying to leave the abusive relationship! ☹️

Hope everyone has some joy/peace or something for themselves this Mothers Day My teen dd's seem to have something planned but this has been marred slightly by a late night row about one of them leaving something to the last hour (my card) and trying to involve ME into it?! Wasn't very fun all round, tears etc, poor dh trying to mediate...sigh. I hope to have a nicer day today!

I could have written this - if my DD was my DH you would all be saying LTB

I wish everyone a good day, peace and harmony ✌🏻.

Things have improved here since visiting my frail DF. Teenager seems to have had a bit of a realisation and has been a million times nicer.

I even received a gift and a card today (whereas last year I only received a scowl without a nod to Mother's Day!).

We're going shopping 😬 and for lunch 😊 together today.

Thank you and to you and us all x

@ChiswickFlo I am sorry for your experience, that sounds awful. I am trying very hard to support dd1. I think we HAVE made the mistake of pandering to Dd3 but she’s autistic and while I don’t want to use that as an excuse, you do have to parent a little differently. Dd1 has been upset with us and quite rightly. I have apologised to her and promised I would do things differently.

The problem with the holiday is that Dd3 at 15 is too young to stay at home if she doesn’t want to be with her sister. We’ve got till Christmas for things to improve but I can’t honestly see a practical solution if not 🤷‍♀️

@MamaofoneDD I’m sorry to hear and I understand how hurtful it is when you’ve had a previously close relationship. My advice would be for now is stop hoping things will improve and try and accept things will be shit for a while. She WILL come back eventually but in the meantime try and focus on other bits of your life that bring you joy. Go and out do fun stuff that YOU enjoy and try and take your mind off her for a while.

@bendmeoverbackwards thank you, and yes you’re right that is what I need to do x

This has been a lifeline today! Worst Mother's Day ever thanks to a truly horrendous 14 year old. It's good to know I'm not alone and hopefully this will pass.

She's exhausting and It's really hard to mother her at the moment. You all have my sympathy! There are days when I want to go to bed and wake up in five years time when she's vaguely human again. I don't know why she's trying so hard to sabotage herself. All the negativity gets me and her dad and younger sibling down. It affects the whole family. I feel sorry for her and would love to wave a magic wand and make it all better. At the same time I want to tell her to pull herself together and realise how fortunate she is! So frustrating

Happy Mothers Day for yesterday... I had low expectations.... one teen was horribly moody all day and the other was quite sweet. Comme ci comme ca.

@Safferty so sorry to hear you had rough day too, and are having a rough time generally. It is so difficult, although solidarity definitely helps!

The following is the text conversation that happened when I went out yesterday (I had to get out of the house), if nothing else, it shows the fickle nature of teenagers, and yea, I was completely gobsmacked too (can’t think of a more appropriate word, I literally had to pick my chin off the floor):

DD: MAMA GUESS WHAT?

Me: What?

DD: I don’t know if you will but remember that boy Isaac I told you about who I said I liked? He said he likes me back! And he asked me to be his girlfriend!!!! I’m so happy!!!!

DD: Are you okay? I wanted to say I’m really sorry, about 10 minutes after you left my period started 🤡