So draining living with teenagers!

[hellswelshy]

Is it just me? I have two teen dd's. They are not awful by any means but my god they are sucking the life out of me! Sullen, sour faced, miserable about 90 % of the time, self absorbed etc. It's like living with two people who I do lots for but in turn they are not interested in me, selfish, and almost constantly simmering with dislike for me Example: one of them just got back from school, I called out hi love how's your day? Grunt in reply. Then Can I go out? That's it, no asking me how my day was, face like thunder. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS LAST????

@lechatnoir I agree! I work in a preschool and toddlers are FAR easier than my own horrid teens 😂

@lechatnoir definitely not alone as can be seen by how many of on here and how similar many of the teenage traits are. It’s a normal stage of their development and will pass.

I leave dd alone in the mornings, hovering downstairs until I’m needed for a lift to school. My latest job? Weather forecaster. The role involves analysing the hourly weather app trying to work out if dd needs a coat. If she is Too Hot or Too Cold it will be My Fault 😂

I know her autism means she can’t cope with ‘maybe’ and the weather changing but it’s bloody hard work!

@bendmeoverbackwards absolutely this. We went to Rome for half term after not having been anywhere for 2 years and I failed to factor ASD into the equation - totally overwhelmed, strops and meltdowns interspersed with endless questions about how long things were going to take, how long will we be here etc. So concluded that we can't do this kind of holiday - unless we leave him behind.

Great to find this thread. My teen is vile, it is just the two of us.

Today I have had - "I lose the will to live after one conversation in this house"; "you only do basic parenting"; "I can't wait to leave this house and never come back".

I am mean because after nil effort and absolutely constant rudeness/no effort at home at all I have cut off the magic money tree today and told her to use her savings and get a job in the holidays.

I'm not sure how much more I can take some days. Not helped by my XH who was an abusive arse and takes great pleasure in turning any gentle ripple into a tsunami.

@WentBumpInTheNight

Great to find this thread. My teen is vile, it is just the two of us.

Today I have had - "I lose the will to live after one conversation in this house"; "you only do basic parenting"; "I can't wait to leave this house and never come back".

I am mean because after nil effort and absolutely constant rudeness/no effort at home at all I have cut off the magic money tree today and told her to use her savings and get a job in the holidays.

I'm not sure how much more I can take some days. Not helped by my XH who was an abusive arse and takes great pleasure in turning any gentle ripple into a tsunami.

Hugs to you bump. It will be ok. You are a good momma whether she appreciates it now or not x

[quote Climbingthelaundrymountain]@lechatnoir I agree! I work in a preschool and toddlers are FAR easier than my own horrid teens 😂[/quote]
Yep! I work with 2 year olds. They are a breeze compared to teens!

Went from bad to worse here last night. Screaming rude teenager. This behaviour is off my scale. I’m going to see my dad who has got heart failure today. Teen is coming along. Last night I said, you need to change your attitude massively, I will not allow you to spoil my visit to see Grandpa. Response, so now you’re not allowing me to see my dying grandpa. That wasn’t what I said.

Lots of screaming about how this house and me sucks the life from them and they’ll never come back. How many years do you keep going through this because it is affecting my health/stress levels (currently working full time because I have to on chemo, I make up my time at work if I can’t work or work slowly on a bad day/week).

I’m feel8ng really desperate to be honest. XH wouldn’t have teen living there, it would cramp his style.

Oh no, my 7 yo is already moody, anxious, negative and unreasonable. Sounds like I am just at the beginning 😱😱😱😱

Yes. Full house of grumpy hormonal, constantly showering, constantly eating, grunting self absorbed teenagers.

Seems to be improving rapidly after a 21st birthday.

Ours are 16,17,19, 21

It's nature's way to make sure they fledge. Otherwise they would be at home forever.

Oh my goodness, hats off to you @beautifullymad

This should be on the wall in our homes!

Two teens here.

I find the laziness annoying. Their rooms are tips and 17 yr old DS has been stepping over a basket of clean laundry outside his bedroom door (that muggins here folded for him) for about a week rather than take 3 minutes to put it away.

Also find their addiction to their bloody phones infuriating. Just fucking look away from Tik Tok for a minute while I talk to you, will you?!

But my two aren’t rude to me. I think I’ve lucked out there, as they are both still reasonably polite and affectionate towards me.

Self absorbed, though, yes. I could be dying on the floor before either would think to ask if I had a good day or wanted a cup of tea.

beautifully mad, this x 4 😵‍💫.

It has started again here already today because I had the audacity to wake them up (trip to see my Dad) hates living here, can't wait until they can leave and not look back.

I've absolutely had enough - I just said that look, your behaviour is unacceptable and if you really feel that way there are options, supported living for instance. I will downsize and support you living somewhere for a couple of years. I'll speak to the authorities to see what we need to consider/what is allowed. If that is something you want to do let me know, but otherwise I expect a level of respect, not disrespect and the constant screeching needs to stop, now.

I am sick of it. there's no one to dilute it here, just me + teen and the level of vitriol is too much. In a way it is like they are copying the stuff their dad used to trot out.

Wasnt, when I had covid my teen freaked out, left the house for two weeks and went from having a 5 minute walk to school to having a 75 min each way journey to school, two walks and two buses. Didn't contact me for two weeks - self absorbed beyond measure.

Oh the self absorption is on another level! My dh had a serious operation last week. Obviously we had discussed it as a family, I also had a separate chat with ds, how we needed to be a team etc..
Honestly he didn’t ask once how his dad was! Couldn’t even be bothered to txt him when he was in hospital without me having to nag him to do it!

Had a long chat with DH last night after yet another blazing row with DS. We both absolutely agree DS16 is a selfish lazy sod at the moment but hoping this is just a hormonal teenage phase. DH did point out that (not unfairly but hard when you're the only one trying to enforce some basic ground rules) i've got into a really bad habit of being very negative about absolutely everything and it's not helping

So, I've decided to try another tactic and be Little Miss positive about everything and so far, so good (appreciate it's only midday but lunchtime without a row is a win in our house !)

So instead of getting up and finding the kids glued to the screen and telling them to switch off, tidy up make beds etc, i've done a breezy "good morning who wants a bacon sandwich?" And when DS tells me he's done loads of revision and is going out at 2pm and I log on and see he's barely done half an hour, my response was "well done that's fantastic get yourself dressed, do another half an hour and there's an hour in the bag". And he went and did it Getting an hour of homework normally takes a major row.

Grits teeth and keeps going....

@WentBumpInTheNight - keep going, it sounds really tough, sending you loads of support and positive vibes.

And tea for everyone on the thread who would like one from a teenager!!

I'll gladly take one thank you MoiraNotRuby and here's a and a ] for you too!

Oh the self absorption is on another level! My dh had a serious operation last week. Obviously we had discussed it as a family, I also had a separate chat with ds, how we needed to be a team etc..
Honestly he didn’t ask once how his dad was! Couldn’t even be bothered to txt him when he was in hospital without me having to nag him to do it!

I can relate to this My DD rang me in hospital on the day of my hysterectomy operation to say that she had a bad headache and what was I going to do about it?

Laying in bed after a horrendous, horrendous day with the eldest dd. Truly awful, I lashed out and raged and I'm laying here unable to sleep. It's so toxic I want to cry but she really pushes me to the brink of sanity with her rudeness, the way she speaks to me like yes dirt! As someone above mentioned, the way she looks at me like wtf are you, really I've had enough. It's sooo bad for my mental health and tbh even my marriage. Dh salvaged the rest of the day by talking to her and then we went out for a bit somewhere and she seemed to have calmed down a little but it's always temporary. Really feeling miserable about the whole thing as I have two more dds growing up and feeling very unhappy and trapped.

And apparently it's me/us who makes them drained! Been accused of being hysterical, always on the edge, etc. Well I wasn't til I spent three years living with rage fuelled adolescent! I like the promise of perpetual good mood, will try it

@rhetorician we had terrible holiday issues but at 12-13 we started leaving ds in the holiday accom / go off alone if he preferred for part of the day- restored moods all round. It feels bad not to be able to holiday happily together but it's ok.

oh @guiltyregrets my heart goes out to you, it is so incredibly draining. How old is your dd? And your younger 2? I have 3 dds too.

Personally I would leave her to it as much as you can and try and enjoy other aspects of your life in the meantime. I was in a bad place with my 15 year old dd a while ago - my mood very much depended on hers. But then I came across this book -

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1472139011/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o03_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

It's aimed more at parents whose children have specific difficulties such as mental health problems but even if it's just normal teenage shit, it's very helpful. I was feeling very down about my dd and felt I couldn't be happy if she wasn't. But that phrase 'you're only as happy as your unhappiest child' should be banned! I started to realise I have many positive aspects to my life and my dd's problems should not dominate. And also that my constant worry and upset was not helping HER.

And I totally understand about it having a strain on your marriage. We've been married nearly 25 years, we have a good relationship but things with the dds have pushed us to the limit. But we try and spend time together as a couple and with friends and that really helps (sorry that sounds really patronising!). We distract ourselves with nice stuff so we're not always talking about the dc. At least with teens you can leave them at home! Remember when they were toddlers are you couldn't leave the house for 5 minutes without them? We're now enjoying a bit of freedom to go out and not worry about babysitters.

Totally agree bendmeoverbackwards taking time for yourself and as a couple is the way forward. We just got back from a family weekend away by the sea. At times it was testing! But me and dh went out one afternoon to explore a few beaches and left dd's 'unwind' in the lodge. It was the best solution all round as we all did what made us happy !! Just a different approach to holidays now going forward, it's tricky as I keep feeling we ought to be all together for the whole holiday but need to accept they and we need space.

My 15 year old dd can be shocking, barely speaks to me, hides away in her room constantly. Won't eat full meals just a succession of snacks, suddenly deciding she doesn't like food she's previously liked so eats a very limited range of food. Holidays have become a nightmare, she doesn't want to be with us and her foul mood just contaminates everything. We try to appease her by always bringing a friend along which is yet more work (even though the friend is lovely), she's rude to DS I think he's a bit scared of her and the mess is beyond a anything I've ever seen.

Holidays are the worst though, she's too young to leave alone, she can't stay with a friend for more than a couple of nights so we have to suck it up. I don't particularly want to holiday with other families but we have to so she has company. I did lose my s"*t at her on a recent UK based city break as she was being so rude and ungrateful. To be fair she did make more effort the next day, DS now 12 is still lovely. I hope he doesn't go down the same path . ☹️. Any tips for dealing with holidays gratefully received. We don't even go for a week anymore as it's just too intense. The arguments over the parenting of her have been extremely damaging to our relationship.