Going to answer as many posts as poss now dd is in bed - tagged some but not all as many posters asking the same thing
Lots of things for us to think about - thank you. We will have a bigger, wider discussion tomorrow
Thank you for those that were worried about her
@Cascais @Tee20x The pics thing was as she had mentioned earlier they always forget to take pics and I said 'please send one of you all dressed for Halloween - it's fun to look back on'
DH is pretty strict, but the one thing he can't abide is lying
We have been letting her go out more especially over the last 18 months whenever possible and we do let her go into this city with these friends. She didn't ask tonight because she thought we would say no as it was a busy Saturday with the clocks going back and Halloween tomorrow, it was dark and their costumes were cropped/short (fine for house party, but poss not in a big city centre will lots of drunken people)
DH was going nuclear, I was more upset, disappointed and frustrated with her. This was a chance to do it right after being caught lying last time and she's royally screwed it up!
@FATEdestiny @meltingappointment The mum pulled in to pick them up just after I called dd over. DD said her friend had called her Mum when they were on the tram home, she didn't know where they were before, just 'out'
@mummymayhem18 - happy for her to be at the party in her firends house, DH lets her out later than 7 but if dark, doesn't like her in the city after 8.30ish on a Friday or Saturday - more because he doesn't trust other people!
dd does say none of here friend's parent are bothered about where they are and they have no curfews. It is only her that has strict parents
She has never asked to go to a party - which surprised me. She has said tonight she has been invited but she hasn't asked because she thought we'd say no. I would have been quite happy for her to go and give lifts etc!
@ladygracie - I absolute remember what I ws doing at her age - some was great fun and other stuff got me in situations I really wish I had not been in.
@PlanDeRaccordement - the deal was that she could go to her friends for a sleepover with some other girls. They did nip out in the afternoon as she texted DH and told him. He asked here what they were doing later and she replied 'staying in' She's not in trouble for a normal activity, she's in trouble for lying about it
@TupilaLilium - good idea re the talk whilst walking. Her curfew previously has been 8-9 when it's dark, 10-11 when not (depending on where she is) so not massively early I didn't think
@EineReiseDurchDieZeit There is only 1 McDonald's in our town. So strongly suspected she had gone into the city centre!
@Kintsugi16 - what do you mean? Do you think she shouldn't be punished for lying? Would you have let her carry on with the sleepover knowing that?
@WaltzingBetty - no I definitely don't want her to learn that. But she's not a fully grown adult yet and sometimes her judgement is a bit off. The mum had no idea where they were - untiil her daughter texted her after she had our message - then she came to pick them up
@RitaTheBeater @QueenAdreena- we have been saying yes to as much as we can recently (up until the lying a few weeks ago) and happy to give lifts and pay for things. Definitely don't always say no