Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

343 replies

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 12:47

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 09/09/2021 12:51

LOL - that's just the sort of thing DD2 would do. She works on a "need to know" basis. But she did tell us her results, as it happens.

The question is, why do you need to know? Other than curiosity. Unless you need to sign a college application form, or similar.

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 12:56

We don’t NEED to know.
I don’t think I am unreasonable to want to though. After all, knowing your child’s results seems to be the norm - though that’s kind of why I asked. Is it the norm? Or do loads of people not in fact know?

OP posts:
SingingInTheShithouse · 09/09/2021 13:22

My DD was like this too. Of course you want to know how they did, what parents wouldn't Confused

Her school should have a parents portal that you sign into. Have a look on there & you'll find her results. That's what we did

Ozanj · 09/09/2021 13:22

This isn’t normal surely.

CointreauVersial · 09/09/2021 13:28

Oh yes, I get it - we'd all WANT to know.

As a parent, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find out (school portal, or a good old bedroom snoop while "tidying up").

But for your own peace of mind, maybe tell yourself that you don't need to know, if she's done enough for 6th form/college then be content with that. The information will probably be divulged at some point.

It probably isn't the norm, but there are some very private/secretive/self-contained teens out there, and we have to respect that. As I said, DD2 is one. Luckily, my other two are open books.....

NashvilleQueen · 09/09/2021 13:30

'Why do you need to know?'?!?!

Apart from being a parent of course. I'm sorry but there's a limit to being a cool parent and this really is over it.

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 13:36

It’s not in the school portal and I do actually respect her privacy in her room, because I remember how it felt when family members didn’t! They emailed the results to them though so it’s probably not there to be found.

OP posts:
DomPom47 · 09/09/2021 13:47

Phone and ask them school.

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 13:52

I understand from friends who work in school admin roles that school would not be allowed to tell us without her permission. So I could phone school to discuss the issue (which I am thinking about doing) but not expect to be given the information. (Unless they have a different interpretation of the legal situation of course, which is possible.)

OP posts:
SW1amp · 09/09/2021 13:57

“DD, I was talking to my friend Mary today and she mentioned that she gave her DD money per grade as a ‘well done’ present after her GCSEs
£20 for each 9, £15 for an 8, £10 for 7, etc etc

I thought it was a really nice thing and should probably have implemented it before your exams, but we would like to give you something to say well done”

And see if that’s a strong enough incentive..?

SeriouslyISuppose · 09/09/2021 13:59

@SW1amp

“DD, I was talking to my friend Mary today and she mentioned that she gave her DD money per grade as a ‘well done’ present after her GCSEs £20 for each 9, £15 for an 8, £10 for 7, etc etc

I thought it was a really nice thing and should probably have implemented it before your exams, but we would like to give you something to say well done”

And see if that’s a strong enough incentive..?

Yes, I was going to suggest bribery!
SouthOfFrance · 09/09/2021 14:00

Only one thing for it.... snoop Wink

TakeYourFinalPosition · 09/09/2021 14:00

School shouldn't tell you. They are her results.

To be honest, although I very much appreciate that you want to know, I'd back off for a bit. I go very much need-to-know when I'm stressed, and it's usually one of the only signs that I am, I have a good poker face! Pushing me makes it a lot worse.

Even if she's not stressed, if she doesn't want to share yet, I'd try and support that. She'll likely change her mind.

Offering her money seems off... both because it's incredibly transparent, and because part of the reason that she might not want to tell you is that she's done well enough but not as well as she wanted, and that feels like it'd be pouring salt in the wound...

AlvinSimonTheo · 09/09/2021 14:01

@SW1amp you think the OP should pay her to tell her the results? Hmm

OP it's fucking ridiculous but it is what it is. Tell everyone in earshot she got straight A but a surprise fail that you don't talk about in French/biology/art and she'll soon put you right. Even if it is one subject at a time 😂

SW1amp · 09/09/2021 14:04

[quote AlvinSimonTheo]@SW1amp you think the OP should pay her to tell her the results? Hmm

OP it's fucking ridiculous but it is what it is. Tell everyone in earshot she got straight A but a surprise fail that you don't talk about in French/biology/art and she'll soon put you right. Even if it is one subject at a time 😂[/quote]
Is it not pretty standard to offer a grade incentive programme..?
I’m suggesting maybe a retrospective one might make the DD think twice about it needing to be some closely guarded secret

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 14:05

We made the decision beforehand not to offer her money per grade. My parents did it with me and DH’s parents didn’t and we think it is one of the things they got right, rewarding effort rather than attainment.

Plus having worked very hard at her summer job for 3 months she is rolling in money so would probably be horribly expensive to bribe Grin

OP posts:
NoMoreTractors · 09/09/2021 14:07

Could it be that you've put alot of pressure on her to do well, and she's worried about repercussions from you if she didn't meet the grade?

I'm not saying you have, I just know that alot of parents do.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 09/09/2021 14:07

Maybe "we're really proud of the effort you put in, thats whats important in life, its not just about results at the end of the day". Hint, hint.

Or you could just forget about it and say I'd like to do something to celebrate passing? That shows you respect her decision.

CloudPop · 09/09/2021 14:08

Slightly different, but Is there any official report of GCSE results, or just what you get from the school? How would you prove your results if someone asked and you no longer had access to the school portal?

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 14:09

‘Even if she's not stressed, if she doesn't want to share yet, I'd try and support that. She'll likely change her mind.‘

I thought so too at first but now I am not convinced that us leaving her alone about it (which we have done for nearly a month now) would change her mind at all. She’s quite determined when she wants to be.

OP posts:
SingingInTheShithouse · 09/09/2021 14:10

Shame you can't get onto the parents portal. Otherwise just bide your time & play it down & she will eventually tell you. I found my DD was very much enjoying the power trip, it's an age thing & so we stopped making a deal of it & she didn't know we found out from the PP. she told us after a few weeks.

If it helps, come A level results, our DD couldn't wait to ring me with her news. Thankfully that's the differences couple of years can make.

FreeBritnee · 09/09/2021 14:11

I'm not sure whether to be impressed with your daughter's stoicism or concerned she doesn't think you're important enough to tell! I can remember ringing my mum from a phone box directly i found out as i'd done better than expected!

If i were feeling petty i'd decide to flip this and show zero interest in her education from this point onwards. She obviously doesn't want your involvement beyond food and lodgings, so take a step back and put your own life first.

JazzerMcCreary · 09/09/2021 14:13

@TakeYourFinalPosition

School shouldn't tell you. They are her results.

To be honest, although I very much appreciate that you want to know, I'd back off for a bit. I go very much need-to-know when I'm stressed, and it's usually one of the only signs that I am, I have a good poker face! Pushing me makes it a lot worse.

Even if she's not stressed, if she doesn't want to share yet, I'd try and support that. She'll likely change her mind.

Offering her money seems off... both because it's incredibly transparent, and because part of the reason that she might not want to tell you is that she's done well enough but not as well as she wanted, and that feels like it'd be pouring salt in the wound...

I agree wholeheartedly with this. She’s 16, not 6. It’s her information to share of and when she chooses to. She’s likely feeling a bit overwhelmed and pressuring her isn’t going to make her more likely to tell.
SW1amp · 09/09/2021 14:15

Do you not still have school reports and parents evenings for your 16 year olds?

How are they any more of a breach of privacy than sharing their exam results..?

RB68 · 09/09/2021 14:19

I would be saying well as long as you got at least a 5 in English and Maths that's fine - she has what she needs to move on what s the biggie.

I would be more worried about my relationship with her that she doesn't feel able to share for some reason - what reason is that?

Swipe left for the next trending thread