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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

343 replies

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 12:47

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 09/09/2021 14:20

Are you the type of parent that posts stuff on SM?
Over the past few years my dc's have had friends who have refused to share various results with parents as they don't want it plastered all over sm. Some it's been down to the cringe congratulations son/daughter for your results.

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 14:21

@SW1amp

Do you not still have school reports and parents evenings for your 16 year olds?

How are they any more of a breach of privacy than sharing their exam results..?

Oh, I know! And what if an A level teacher refers in passing at the next parents’ evening to her grade for that subject?! I assume they will have access to the information and it will not occur to them we haven’t! Nonetheless, the consensus among several people I know who work in schools was that they can’t give us her results.
OP posts:
Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 14:22

@canigooutyet

Are you the type of parent that posts stuff on SM? Over the past few years my dc's have had friends who have refused to share various results with parents as they don't want it plastered all over sm. Some it's been down to the cringe congratulations son/daughter for your results.
Lol, absolutely not.
OP posts:
Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 14:23

@SingingInTheShithouse

Shame you can't get onto the parents portal. Otherwise just bide your time & play it down & she will eventually tell you. I found my DD was very much enjoying the power trip, it's an age thing & so we stopped making a deal of it & she didn't know we found out from the PP. she told us after a few weeks.

If it helps, come A level results, our DD couldn't wait to ring me with her news. Thankfully that's the differences couple of years can make.

Thank you, this is good to know x
OP posts:
SukonthaM · 09/09/2021 14:24

I’m assuming she’s not done as well as she’d hoped

SeasonFinale · 09/09/2021 14:25

@CloudPop

Slightly different, but Is there any official report of GCSE results, or just what you get from the school? How would you prove your results if someone asked and you no longer had access to the school portal?
Yes actual certificates are issued during the Autumn term. At our school they are sent out via registered post if they have left the school or collected and signed for from the Sixth Form office if you have stayed on to sixth form.

Actually at 16 the school can talk to you about her results; it is only post 18 that they have to speak to the pupil direct or have the pupil give permission to speak to you.

Akire · 09/09/2021 14:27

I’m all for privacy but surely if you supported them last 5years high school to get to this point. Just letting you know isn’t that big deal? Like you say makes no difference if can do A levels but seems like power control thing to me. It is really odd is she like this with anything else in her life?

Lulu1919 · 09/09/2021 14:27

Never heard of this ....mine were excited to share results or GCSE and A levels ...it had never entered my head that children didn't share these things ...

RedMarauder · 09/09/2021 14:29

@SeasonFinale no they can't.

Under GDPR the age that children can give their consent to having personal data shared with other people including parents is 16.

www.somerset.org.uk/sites/edtech/Data%20Protection/COVID-19%20Guidance/Teacher%20Assessed%20Examinations%20-%20sharing%20results.pdf

dreamkitchenhelp · 09/09/2021 14:30

LOL our son is 33 and we still don't know his results.
He was not academic and there was no chance he was doing A 'Levels
Just say well done and she will tell you in her own time.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 09/09/2021 14:30

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel "And what if an A level teacher refers in passing at the next parents’ evening to her grade for that subject?!"

We never attended a parents' evening or afternoon for Ds whilst in sixth form. We had reports saying what his predicted grades were (based on his GCSE results) and a grade of where he was. If they are doing everything they should and are of no cause for concern then there is no need to be called in.

DaxtheDestroyer · 09/09/2021 14:31

I work in school admin and it's absolutely correct that the results 'belong' to the pupil and are not disclosed to the parents. We often get parents calling us trying to find out, especially from separated families.
Have you asked her and she's refused to tell you? If so, I'd just not make a big deal of it, just say you respect her privacy and she can tell you when she's ready to.
It would drive me bonkers not knowing though so I sympathise!

godmum56 · 09/09/2021 14:35

If you were going to cash reward her for grades and she won't tell you what they are, it looks like you dodged a bullet....I'd be wringing her warmly by the hand and telling her what you are going to spend the saved money on...which of course will be something for YOU

chesirecat99 · 09/09/2021 14:37

I would assume that she is disappointed with her results or thinks you will be. Maybe try reassuring her.

You could also tactfully ask if there are any exams she wants to appeal the results for, she might not have considered that option. The deadline is next week, I believe.

Anordinarymum · 09/09/2021 14:38

My daughter drip feeds me with information. She has always done it and probably will for ever.
I am used to it. It is annoying especially when she tells me some little gem from years before that she expects me to know and I genuinely do not.
Life is too short

AuntiePushpa · 09/09/2021 14:40

Have you tried sitting her down and saying you're proud of her for working hard and carrying on with 'A' levels, that you're not going to judge her or reprimand her whatever her grades, that you're on her side etc. Share that it hurts your feelings that she doesn't trust you with this news about a big milestone in her life, and that you hope she'll reconsider soon. That you respect her decision and aren't going to nag or snoop or try and find out the information from school or elsewhere if she really doesn't want you to know.

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 14:41

OnTheBenchOfDoom - I think it varies. We have one at the end of this month.

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Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 14:44

@AuntiePushpa

Have you tried sitting her down and saying you're proud of her for working hard and carrying on with 'A' levels, that you're not going to judge her or reprimand her whatever her grades, that you're on her side etc. Share that it hurts your feelings that she doesn't trust you with this news about a big milestone in her life, and that you hope she'll reconsider soon. That you respect her decision and aren't going to nag or snoop or try and find out the information from school or elsewhere if she really doesn't want you to know.
I haven’t said it hurts my feelings but I think the rest of it has been said at some time.
OP posts:
3luckystars · 09/09/2021 14:45

Have you asked her why she won’t tell you?

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 14:46

I can't believe someone had seriously asked "Why do you need to know?" 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
No, op, it's not normal.

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 14:49

I feel for you op and would be so hurt if my dd had withheld this information from me.
I would go with a more lighthearted approach and assume she did not achieve what she wanted, so would move on and start asking her about A levels and preparation etc. Ask her if she needs any support.

I would see this situation as a sign that I needed to step up my efforts of communication. Results aside, she needs to be able to talk to you, and open up. I would be organising and setting aside time for her, afternoons out, one to one drives and work on getting some solid communication back it sounds like she is drifting, and at this age they still need a ton of guidance and support in my experience. Don't take it personally op. Some teens love a good old power trip!

WellTidy · 09/09/2021 14:54

I’d assume that she hasn’t drone as well as predicted, or as she/you’d hoped.

Flowers500 · 09/09/2021 14:54

This is mental, I can’t even imagine trying to pull that when I was young. I would have been told to go earn my own money and pay for my own education then. Of course the school should tell you, you’re legally responsible for her and they’d be pissed at you if she no showed or did something wrong. Totally unnacceptable behaviour from her.

VerveClique · 09/09/2021 14:55

I would have quite a deep and detailled conversation with her about why she doesn't want to tell you.

It's not on. If you are to continue supporting her, you need to know where her strengths and weaknesses were, what the distribution of grades etc. are.

If you are expected to support her at college, you need to ask her how she thinks you will do this if she is witholding the information.

bettytaghetti · 09/09/2021 14:55

Can you say something along the lines of "Aunty Enid* was asking about your results, and since it looked weird that I didn't know, I told her you got 10 4's" or whatever grades you think might provoke her into challenging 😉

*whichever old relative has form for being nosey! 😂