Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

@TatianaBis

The reaction is the fact that poster felt need to mention all their qualifications while claiming they hated boasting.

Bizarre to regard bogstandard quals as boasting. It's a nothing. She may not have even done well in them for all we know.

They could have easily stated they hadn't told their parents any post GCSE exam grades without drawing attention to the masters qualifcation.

I think that was what made me find it odd - clearly you differ.

Personally I'm bloody proud of my degree and MSc but then I was disgnosed very later with dyslexia and encountered many negative attitudes in my schooling to my ablities and some snobbery at secondary to my background and I worked dam hard to get them and in fact all my qualifications.

So I don't find anything wrong with having pride in my acheivements - minor though they be to many MN posters.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

I wouldn’t be putting up with this nonsense.

Same here. Ridiculous

The way I see it, it could affect your DD’s future relationships, if she doesn’t understand that transparency and openness is part of a trusting relationship.

It's just as important to understand that people have boundaries, that they can set themselves, and that they don't have to tell you things they don't want to. I've still not seen a practical reason why the OP needs to know, all I've seen is a lot of 'you pay for her you get to find out stuff' which I find rather worrying.

If she's doing any retakes then she might need some understanding leading up to the exams or practical support like a tutor. For instance if she is retaking maths but got rid of her calculator because she thought she'd never use it again, she'll need one for revision and exams.

If she's withholding the results because she has an anxious personality or low esteem then it would probably be beneficial to hear a well done.

Boundaries are good but normal behaviour ime would be to tell your parents how you'd like things to unfold. My kids both wanted to go alone, open their results when they were away from school and prying eyes then tell me when they got home. I left it to them to call their dad with the news and they know I'm not the type to post on SM about this so they were fine with a takeaway later that night.

If she's doing any retakes...

They aren't retakes. They haven't had the opportunity to take them once yet!

If she's taking an exam in November to improve her grade then.

I would be the same as you OP and DYING to know! I find it strange that she wouldn’t tell you as clearly she passed, or at least enough to do what she wanted to do. I’d be gutted if my daughter did this and quite upset that she wouldn’t feel able to talk to me and concerned about what else she chooses not to share with me. I fully sympathise with you and hope she realises that it’s strange behaviour x

My younger daughter did this. Told us it was “none of your business “. Her best friend told me that daughter had done very well, but 20 years on I still don’t know why she would not tell us 🤷‍♀️

She sounds like a little brat!! I wouldn't put up with this. No WiFi or laundry done for her should fix the problem pretty smartish!!

In case anyone would like an update, I now have the results.
It was a bit of a saga-this is what happened.
We wrote to school quoting the guidance and they then consulted both the county advisor and a firm of private consultants who they retain for questions like this
The reply came back that while the parents usually have a right to see the educational record, there are certain circumstances in which the information can be withheld. (Dh and I found the clause we think they mean here, which is if us having the information would cause serious harm to dd’s or another person’s mental or physical health!)
School then requested our permission to talk to dd about what her reasons were for not telling us, so they could confirm this would not apply.
Then we had to wait while they spoke to her and then thought about it (and possibly talked to their consultants again) before they concluded that there was no risk of serious harm and we got the results.

I have just texted her to congratulate her. Resisting the temptation to buy a big ‘congratulations!’ banner, fill the hall with balloons and get party blowers to blow when she comes in at the door as she would hate that!

Has she done other things like this before?
Rathe than wonder why she did this one particular (extreme) thing, I would be looking at the overall picture.

What a spoilt little madam!

Glad the school saw sense and you have the results and know if there is anything you need to worry about.

I cant comprehend her behaviour at all, but if it was ds I would be concerned about our relationship now and in the future, no idea how you get to the bottom of why she has done this if she wont talk to you about it.

I'm so glad you got them, hopefully she'll feel differently by the time a levels come round.
My dd can exclude me a lot but is definitely becoming more open as she matures. Hopefully it's a teenage phase that'll pass!

I’m glad that you’ve got the results… but to be honest, a little bit concerned that you went through all of those steps, and she still didn’t share them. She was presumably told that they were being shared?

Is she feeling okay about everything? Whether or not she has reasons, if she wanted to keep this private, she must be feeling a bit odd now. I don’t want to say violated, but perhaps similar? I can’t find the word.

Rather than banners, I’d be making sure she’s okay. And then, if she is, maybe suggesting a low key way to celebrate that she’d enjoy… takeaway tonight or something?

Goodness - that is private and I think very unusual not to want to share her good /bad/average news of such a big event. My son is very private and he looked at his results alone and then told us.

You sound respectful of her privacy - have you actually asked her to tell you her results or explained why you are interested? Could she think that you are not interested?

Offering money thing is ridiculous - I can't imagine it would make her suddebly tell you and if she's got half a brain she would just cash in with straight A's!!!

Can’t believe people have called your daughter a brat and spoilt. It really says more about them than your daughter.
It is bizarre behaviour , probably rooted in anxiety (a need to control usually is).
I think you dealt with it really well. This would have driven me bananas.
Glad you found out in the end! I really want to know now!

I think she wanted to see if you would dance to her tune and go through all the hoops required to know the results.

Quite why she would do that is a mystery.

I would say to her that you feel it is indicative of some underlying issue that requires medical intervention. Either anxiety or another form of mental illness. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.