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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

343 replies

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 12:47

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
NichyNoo · 09/09/2021 15:41

I know an A level student who has done the same. Didn’t get the grades for her first choice uni so went though clearing but still won’t tell her parents (who she lives with and who are financially supporting her) what the grades were.

I’d be super upset and angry if I supported my kids through years of schooling and they didn’t deign tell me the results after all of that support, help with homework, encouragement. Probably means I’m not a cool mum…..

astoundedgoat · 09/09/2021 15:41

Sorry - I meant to say that I'm astonished that the school can't share the information about a minor's exam results.

I can see how a 16 year old would want to be a pain about it, just to make a point.

AutumnBliss · 09/09/2021 15:42

I agree with FreeBritnee

If I wasn’t important enough to share GCSE’s with, after everything I had done for my child, I’d be pretty cross. If it’s none of your business, then neither is her dinner, dirty clothes, or taxi rides to where she needs to be.

I take it you’ve supported her through her education, helped her with homework etc. It is your business.

My DC go to a private school snd if they didn’t tell me their results I’d pull the plug on it.

She may be on her 6th form course, but I think she isn’t happy with her grades otherwise she’d be singing them from the rooftops.

SuperbLyrebird · 09/09/2021 15:42

@NashvilleQueen

'Why do you need to know?'?!?!

Apart from being a parent of course. I'm sorry but there's a limit to being a cool parent and this really is over it.

Grin

God yes!

overthethamesfromyou · 09/09/2021 15:42

My 16 yo just said 'Wow, sass' GrinGrin

randomlyLostInWales · 09/09/2021 15:43

Have you tried asking what she got in subjects she's actaully taking further ie did you get above a b in x - and if asked why so you know and can plan if they may need additional support.

DD1 got a b in a science she taking at A-level - so statistically likely to do less well but it was dis-jointed year and she was predicted much higher - so she's had books and on-line courses she could be doing all summer and did a bit of them - and knows her DDad is there for support.

Daisy62 · 09/09/2021 15:49

Having had a secretive teenager (he’s much improved in his 20s), I suggest a light touch. Ask how return to school went. Say you’re still interested to know the results but you’re not to going to push it, and that you’re glad they were good enough for 6th form. You could say that you’re not going to be judgmental if she does share the results, nor make any drama about it. Then leave it. It will probably come out at some point. Model the behaviour you’d like to see, so don’t withhold other family info as a punishment like some posters are suggesting.

Kjr33 · 09/09/2021 15:50

Haha that’s really strange and probably not normal but I wouldn’t worry if she is carrying on to a level they must be ok. I think I would ask why she won’t tell you and maybe expect a bit of painful truth in return! Some of the responses on here are crazy though….Punishments for not sharing private info is just weird!!

PinkPineapples9 · 09/09/2021 15:52

Have you tried calling the school? They should, of course, tell you her results. You are her guardian until 18. How absurd.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 09/09/2021 15:52

There is no way I would have got away with this - in fact, when I sat my Scottish equivalent of GCSEs (Standard Grades), the results were posted to my dad's house, and we were away on holiday. I had told DM that we'd be back a week later and would open them then, but she was so desperate to know that she went round to his house, managed to hook the envelope out from under the porch door with a stick, and then rang to tell us what she'd done and ask if she could open them. I said she could but Dad and my stepmum were pretty hacked off with her (unsurprisingly, with the benefit of hindsight).

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 15:54

Were you not with her when they came through? We were all huddled together counting down the seconds with bated breath. What happened on the day of her results??

The more I think about this, the more odd it is. Were you not hugging her or consoling. Take her out for dinner/organise a special tea? I had a gift and card ready for my dc. I am not sure why on results day how you could not be told immediately or very soon after? Where were you?

I am not blaming you at all. Just can't work out how it is a month later and you still don't know. I am sorry op it must be really hard, teens know how to press our buttons for sure Gin

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 09/09/2021 15:56

This seems a bit odd to me - (a) my son's GCSE results were on his sixth form college portal in the earlier achievements section and (b) his A level results were also on there! However, we would not have got them from his school, that's true as he went to get them and he could have hidden the paper with the results away.

Even if the school do not put the GCSE results on their portal, presumably they will put the predicted A level grades on there which may give you some idea - eg if she is predicted AAA* she should have all 8s and 9s. Conversely you'll also be able to see if she is having to redo either Maths or English.

Are you allowed to know what A levels she is doing?

My son is quite secretive but not about things like that, fortunately.

As for not sharing them, they used to go in the newspapers because they were "public exams". I still have the articles. It had your name and abbreviations for subjects and an * if you got an A.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 09/09/2021 15:58

I know an A level student who has done the same. Didn’t get the grades for her first choice uni so went though clearing but still won’t tell her parents (who she lives with and who are financially supporting her) what the grades were

Seems like control freakery to me. I suppose they do know what university she's now at?

MargaretThursday · 09/09/2021 15:58

DD2 told me that she wanted to go shopping and would tell me one result for every one thing I bought.
I told her we weren't going shopping until she told me all of them.

She wanted to go shopping. I won. Grin

Musmerian · 09/09/2021 16:04

This seems very odd to me both as a teacher and a parent. At my children’s school exam info including results is available on the Parent Portal although as teachers we have the dubious benefit of finding out the day before!

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 09/09/2021 16:07

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

I understand from friends who work in school admin roles that school would not be allowed to tell us without her permission. So I could phone school to discuss the issue (which I am thinking about doing) but not expect to be given the information. (Unless they have a different interpretation of the legal situation of course, which is possible.)
This has to be nonsense, surely. If some schools have portals and put the results on there, then it's allowed!

So why has your dd's school not got the results on the portal?

I wonder if this is somehow coming from them. Do you know if other parents know what their kids have got or has the school told them it's all a secret squirrel thing?

SuperbLyrebird · 09/09/2021 16:07

Were you not with her when they came through? We were all huddled together counting down the seconds with bated breath. What happened on the day of her results??

Maybe OP was at work or doing something else she needed to do.

The more I think about this, the more odd it is. Were you not hugging her or consoling. Take her out for dinner/organise a special tea? I had a gift and card ready for my dc. I am not sure why on results day how you could not be told immediately or very soon after? Where were you?

Are you trying to come across as the superior mother? DD went with her friends, rang me with her results then went out to celebrate with her friends. She didn't need hugging or consoling - just permission to do her own thing.

FrownedUpon · 09/09/2021 16:08

That’s very strange. I’d feel really upset & probably a bit angry if my DC wouldn’t tell me their results. What’s your relationship with her like generally?

3luckystars · 09/09/2021 16:09

Could you ask her what the problem is?

DomPom47 · 09/09/2021 16:11

From friends I know that schools do tell. They may not in person but they will give you a print out of you go in person. I am talking from experience of friends from London schools.

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 16:11

I think most parents like to be around for results superb and would like to be there for their dc, what if its bad news and they can't go out with friends?! There is nothing superior about being there for your kids!!! Confused

JinglingHellsBells · 09/09/2021 16:13

This is bizarre.

Most kids want to share their results especially if they are good, or want parents to commiserate if they are not.

What was your relationship with her before results day?

Has she said why she won't tell you?

Saucery · 09/09/2021 16:14

It’s about respect, for me. It shows a lack of respect towards parents who have supported through education. I totally understand a dc may not want a fuss (DS hates any sort of fuss over results etc so we just keep it low key) but to not tell parents at 16?
I’d be telling them it’s unacceptable and disappointing that they won’t share.

JinglingHellsBells · 09/09/2021 16:15

@SuperbLyrebird But your child DID tell you their results!

Hardly being a 'superior' parent to wanting to know.

The OP didn't say she wanted to hug and kiss but so what if she had?

God, you sound a cold fish!

Original poster
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 16:15

I don’t think zenthoughtsonlythanks is trying to be superior, I think families just do things differently, it doesn’t mean either way is wrong or right. I would hate to have to open things like that in front of other people.

I would have loved to have done the whole celebratory dinner thing but she wouldn’t allow it! There is a possibility she didn’t even open the results on the day they arrived; I have a hunch, though I might be wrong, that she opened them in the car on the way to the family holiday and kept a completely straight face about it (and you are welcome to say that sounds odd because I think it is weird as fuck 😂)

OP posts: