Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd won’t tell us her GCSE results- anyone else experienced this?

343 replies

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/09/2021 12:47

And if so how did you approach it?

All I know is that they were good enough for her to do the A Level subjects she wanted, which is nice.

Is it just us? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
a8mint · 09/09/2021 16:16

School shouldn't tell you. They are her results.

My Dc's school put results on teh parents portal. The child is under 18 and still receiving child benefit and being supported by the parents

MolyHolyGuacamole · 09/09/2021 16:18

@NichyNoo

I know an A level student who has done the same. Didn’t get the grades for her first choice uni so went though clearing but still won’t tell her parents (who she lives with and who are financially supporting her) what the grades were.

I’d be super upset and angry if I supported my kids through years of schooling and they didn’t deign tell me the results after all of that support, help with homework, encouragement. Probably means I’m not a cool mum…..

I wouldn't be providing any financial support
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/09/2021 16:19

Are you sure she got the results she needed?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/09/2021 16:19

Were you not with her when they came through? We were all huddled together counting down the seconds with bated breath. What happened on the day of her results?? The more I think about this, the more odd it is. Were you not hugging her or consoling. Take her out for dinner/organise a special tea? I had a gift and card ready for my dc. I am not sure why on results day how you could not be told immediately or very soon after? Where were you?
. Work??

When I got my GCSE results I caught the bus to school and opened them amongst my friends at school. A few parents had driven their kid to school but not most, they were working Teachers were around for support. Then we went to my friends house for a party. A Levels were similar. I'm just realising what a neglected child I was 😂

Tal45 · 09/09/2021 16:19

Is this a power thing? You want to know the results, she won't tell you so she feels she has some power over you.

RowanAlong · 09/09/2021 16:27

Is there any reason she wouldn’t want to tell you? If a couple were lower than expected, does she think you’d be disappointed/she’d feel she’d let you or herself down?

Autumnally · 09/09/2021 16:28

Some people are secretive and private to a level that some of us find really odd. I have a friend just like this. Doesn’t tell anyone anything (even family members). She’s actually a medical consultant and wouldn’t tell anyone when her exams even were, or when she qualified. It’s baffling to me as I’m probably more at the overshare end of the spectrum but I guess it’s her choice.

cookingisoverrated · 09/09/2021 16:28

Obviously, she doesn't have to tell you. But frankly, if one of mine was acting in that manner, I would make it very clear that they could sort themselves out going forward educationally. They expect support in many different ways with their education, and we pay for an awful lot of books/study guides/trip/resource fees/transport/etc, and support them when there are issues with the school and with acquiring extra support when needed. I would expect to be informed of their results as they are still dependents if they want to keep getting support as they continue with their education. I don't think that's unreasonable.

mamamalt · 09/09/2021 16:28

Can I say actually what a lovely parent I think you sound like! I would never have had the nerve or been allowed to keep things like this to myself and my parents would have been breathing down my neck about it constantly and making me feel terrible.
I'm sorry she won't tell you as it would be nice to know bit equally I think how you are approaching it and how respectful you are of her being her is just lovely

cookingisoverrated · 09/09/2021 16:29

@a8mint

School shouldn't tell you. They are her results.

My Dc's school put results on teh parents portal. The child is under 18 and still receiving child benefit and being supported by the parents

I think that's what should happen.
ChristinaXYZ · 09/09/2021 16:31

@TakeYourFinalPosition

School shouldn't tell you. They are her results.

To be honest, although I very much appreciate that you want to know, I'd back off for a bit. I go very much need-to-know when I'm stressed, and it's usually one of the only signs that I am, I have a good poker face! Pushing me makes it a lot worse.

Even if she's not stressed, if she doesn't want to share yet, I'd try and support that. She'll likely change her mind.

Offering her money seems off... both because it's incredibly transparent, and because part of the reason that she might not want to tell you is that she's done well enough but not as well as she wanted, and that feels like it'd be pouring salt in the wound...

Maybe school should not expect the parents to get on their kids cases if they're slacking at their A levels either then?!!

Of course it is the parents business! They still send school reports out in 6th form. Just ring the school.

Please note the "even if a child does not wish to give their parents" bit here @TheCountessofFitzdotterel

"Although the General Data Protection Regulations 2018 (GDPR) and the Data Protection Act 2018
(the DPA 2018) does not specify an age when a child can request their exam results, or request
that they are not published, it does support the position that when a child makes a request, those
responsible for responding should take into account whether:
• the child wants their parent (or someone with parental responsibility for them) to be
involved; and
• the child properly understands what is involved
However, even if a child does not wish to give their parents access to their information, parents
are entitled to request access to, or a copy of, their child's educational record as part of their
entitlement as those with parental responsibility. This entitlement applies until the child reaches
the age of 18. The exception to this rule applies to information that the school could not lawfully
disclose to the child themselves under the GDPR and to which the child would have no right of
access (see regulation 5, The Education (Pupil Information) (England) Regulations 2005 (SI
2005/1437).

The following example is given in DfE guidance(1)
:
A non-resident parent who has limited contact with their children, contacts the school to find out
how well they did in their exams. Both the children and the resident parent do not wish to share that
information and they inform the school of this. The school refuses to release the information on the
basis that the children are old enough to control access to their personal information. The school
has therefore breached education law by failing to provide information to which the non-resident
parent is entitled.

This confirms that any requests for examination information from an individual with parental
responsibility – either a ‘resident’ or ‘non-resident’ parent – must be met."

www.theexamsoffice.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Article-12_Sharing-examination-results-and-results-information_July-2021.pdf

RedMarauder · 09/09/2021 16:31

@PinkPineapples9

Have you tried calling the school? They should, of course, tell you her results. You are her guardian until 18. How absurd.
GDPR plus probably prior issues with separated parents and children.
RedMarauder · 09/09/2021 16:33

@a8mint

School shouldn't tell you. They are her results.

My Dc's school put results on teh parents portal. The child is under 18 and still receiving child benefit and being supported by the parents

You are lucky.

If one of the children or more likely a parent complained, and there were issues in that school over children and estranged parents they would probably realise under GPDR they shouldn't be.

NotMyCat · 09/09/2021 16:35

Jeez. My mum would have screamed at me and then refused to speak to me for months if I hadn't told her Blush

Pippapet · 09/09/2021 16:36

I'd worry why she is not seeing you as part of her support team or trusted inner circle. I'd be very hurt that she doesn't want to trust you with that information and I'd want to know what the reasons behind that were, as much as the results themselves.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/09/2021 16:38

I wouldn’t be putting up with this nonsense.

Pippapet · 09/09/2021 16:38

Oh and I would not be bribing her to tell you. That doesn't get to the heart of the issue, it would indicate that whatever her trust issues are you think throwing money at it can solve it.

BlackLambAndGreyFalcon · 09/09/2021 16:40

I totally would have done this if I could have gotten away with it!

ThanksItHasPockets · 09/09/2021 16:40

It’s not usual and I know myself well enough to know it would drive me absolutely crackers so I am impressed with your resolve to stay softly softly so far.

Does her school do a prizegiving evening or similar to issue certificates?

TokyoTen · 09/09/2021 16:40

Have you over shared in the past OP ( in DDs vuew) - this could be why she hasn't told you.

TheBraveLittleTailor · 09/09/2021 16:41

Well done @ChristinaXYZ!
OP can now convince her daughter:
We can find out, we have a legal right to find out but we want to hear it from you and we want to know why you won’t tell us.

Pippapet · 09/09/2021 16:42

@Autumnally

Some people are secretive and private to a level that some of us find really odd. I have a friend just like this. Doesn’t tell anyone anything (even family members). She’s actually a medical consultant and wouldn’t tell anyone when her exams even were, or when she qualified. It’s baffling to me as I’m probably more at the overshare end of the spectrum but I guess it’s her choice.
I'm secretive and private far more than probably any other person I know but I couldn't do it to my parents and keep them dangling anxiously, wondering if I will or won't share it with them. It would be too mean.
BertramLacey · 09/09/2021 16:44

The fact that you support a child doesn't mean you own the rights to every facet of their lives, particularly once they're 16.

I'd just leave it. If she is a determined person, any attempts to find out are likely to make her dig her heels in more. It's not to say I wouldn't want to know - I would. But I'd also recognise that it's not my information to know or to share.

Cynderella · 09/09/2021 16:45

As a parent and teacher, I've never heard of anyone doing this! In schools I've worked in, it's not until a child is 18 that information is withheld from parents.

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/09/2021 16:47

The fact that you support a child doesn't mean you own the rights to every facet of their lives, particularly once they're 16.
You're not going to convince anyone that wanting to know your child's GCSE results is in any way abnormal or unreasonable.