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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

337 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 15:41

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 11:58

Definitely well but now worried that they got a positive response from her parents that they may try again!! Unless confirmed by a doctor I'm not getting my hopes up yet though 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 12:00

If parents don't put her on the pill how the hell are we supposed to control the situation?? 😭😭😭

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 28/04/2021 12:00

OP I really think you need to arrange to speak with her parents and the two teens together to establish whether she is or isn’t pregnant and if so- what the plan is.

UhtredRagnarson · 28/04/2021 12:01

@Meltinthemiddle

If parents don't put her on the pill how the hell are we supposed to control the situation?? 😭😭😭
Similarly- if you don’t put condoms on your sons penis how the hell are they supposed to control the situation. Her parents can’t force her to take the pill just like you can’t force your so to wear a condom.
Straightomyhead · 28/04/2021 12:03

@Meltinthemiddle

If parents don't put her on the pill how the hell are we supposed to control the situation?? 😭😭😭
I can't believe this hasn't been pointed out until now and apologies if I have missed it. But no one should be put on the pill. It is their own choice if they wish to go on the pill.

I fully support her making her own choice and being on the pill but it isn't your choice to make!

Maggiesfarm · 28/04/2021 12:05

You don't put your child on the pill or put condoms on them, you tell them, strongly, that that is the sensible thing to do and if necessary, drive them to the doctor's or the pharmacy.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 12:19

Ds has condoms but obviously they are being used or not properly! Well I'm sorry but if my daughter was sexually active I'd be taking her to the doctors for some sort of contraception pill, implant which ever she decides that's her choice!

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 28/04/2021 12:21

Well I'm sorry but if my daughter was sexually active I'd be taking her to the doctors for some sort of contraception pill, implant which ever she decides that's her choice!

Do you understand that you wouldn’t be able to insist on this? Your daughter would get to decide whether she has anything put into her body.

greatauntfanny · 28/04/2021 12:22

I also wish you'd stop saying 'put her on the pill' OP. She's not a dog.

Maggiesfarm · 28/04/2021 12:28

@greatauntfanny

I also wish you'd stop saying 'put her on the pill' OP. She's not a dog.
Exactly.

Parents can advise but not insist, it's entirely the child's decision.

reecespiece · 28/04/2021 12:29

Even if they did go and 'get her on the pill' there's no guarantee she'd take it everyday or even at all. That's why it's important that both sets of parents sit down with them and explain the practicalities of a baby at 16.

Benelovencd · 28/04/2021 12:30

@Meltinthemiddle

If parents don't put her on the pill how the hell are we supposed to control the situation?? 😭😭😭
Please stop making this her responsibility and her parents alone. Your son is responsible for his own fertility and can use condoms. Focus on that. Stop putting all the blame on this girl.
Benelovencd · 28/04/2021 12:34

A lot of people on this thread including the OP need a lesson on body autonomy consent and that you cannot force any other human being to have treatment or take medication they do not wish to, it is their choice and also none of your business either. If this my daughter and she was on the pill, I wouldn't inform her boyfriend's mother anymore that she would have to tell me if she was on the pill. Not on.

Your worries about a situation do not override someone's right to do as they wish with their own body. Stop blaming teenage girls for falling pregnant as if they had sex by themselves and your sons are incapable of using protection to protect themselves.

PinkPlantCase · 28/04/2021 12:35

When I was 19 my mother insisted I went on the pill and it really pissed me off. I hate the whole ‘put her on the pill’. I used condoms for years without issue.

She succeeded in her campaign and the pill made me nauseous for about 6 months and very travel sick. Happy days.

PinkPlantCase · 28/04/2021 12:38

I also know others who as teenagers were on the pill and were so terrible about taking it.
I had one friends who would forget it 3 days in a row and then take 3 pills at once to make up for it.

I had another friend who assumed it was licence to have otherwise unprotected sex with strangers. She got a string of STIs.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 12:46

They both need to take responsibility I agree. If they don't like condoms then they should look at other options and unfortunately these are all aimed at women. I can only educate my son but it should work both ways.

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 28/04/2021 12:48

If they don't like condoms then they should look at other options

Sorry- I don’t think “not liking condoms” is an option for anyone who isn’t actively trying to be a parent. Condoms are essential, not optional.

Ideasplease322 · 28/04/2021 12:49

@Meltinthemiddle

Ds has condoms but obviously they are being used or not properly! Well I'm sorry but if my daughter was sexually active I'd be taking her to the doctors for some sort of contraception pill, implant which ever she decides that's her choice!
op you are in shock but my goodness stop blaming this child and her parents.

Your son was sexually active at 16. This girl is only 15. Talking about her as if she is the family pet that should have been sterilised is appalling.

There are two sets of parents here whose children made a big mistake. What ever way you look at it, the 15 year old girls life will be impacted more than your sons life.

She will need a lot of support to ensure she continues her education and builds a decent life, for herself and for this baby (if she chooses to keep it).

But try a little compassion rather than finger pointing. Your son also had unprotected sex. Condoms are mush easier to use than taking medication every day.

It’s 2021 OP not 1946.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 12:49

I've also told him to still use them even if she is on birth control.

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 28/04/2021 12:50

@Meltinthemiddle

I've also told him to still use them even if she is on birth control.
Good. And repeat repeat repeat. This message needs to be 100% committed to his brain for every relationship.
greatauntfanny · 28/04/2021 12:53

@UhtredRagnarson

If they don't like condoms then they should look at other options

Sorry- I don’t think “not liking condoms” is an option for anyone who isn’t actively trying to be a parent. Condoms are essential, not optional.

Exactly
jessicarolfe · 28/04/2021 12:53

My goodness OP. What a messy situation 🙁 I don't really have any advice as others have pointed out, sadly it is up to the young lady in terms of what happens going forward now.. but sending you a virtual hug Thanks

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 12:53

Yes it is 2021 so there are choices available to both and both should be taking responsibility.

OP posts:
Ideasplease322 · 28/04/2021 13:07

@Meltinthemiddle

Yes it is 2021 so there are choices available to both and both should be taking responsibility.
The choices are exclusive to the pregnant girl. She may allow your son to influence her decision, or she may not.

Your sons choice is either to support her or not. But the big decisions (and the lifelong consequences) rest with the pregnant 15 year old.

While I sympathise with all the parents in this situation and with your son, the person impacted most is the15 year old pregnant child. Poor kid is facing life changing decisions she is probably ill equipped to make.

I hope she has a sensible, truth worthy adult in her life who can help her filter out all the noise and focus on what is right for her.

LaBellina · 28/04/2021 13:14

I’m shocked at all the misogyny and entitlement that I see on this thread.
Posters who think OP is entitled to know anything about this girls personal medical situation and who talk about this girl as if she is a pet that needs to be ‘put on the pill’.
Lots of people including the OP, have some homework to do and read about consent and body autonomy.