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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

337 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 15:41

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

OP posts:
dopeyduck · 28/04/2021 13:18

Probably going to be flamed for this but OP your reaction is unhelpful. You need to calm down, switch your listening ears on, put your big boy socks on and start supporting your son.

This is far from ideal but it's reality and they were grown up enough to make a baby so they need to grow up enough to look after one if that's the decision that's been made.

You need to start being practical and start showing your son how to step up and support him to be the best parent and partner he can be despite any difficulties he may have.

You may not be ready for this, he probably isn't, and she's probably scared too so you need to be calm and guide them through this the best way you can.

AlternativePerspective · 28/04/2021 13:20

OP, This is your responsibility now.

you can’t decide anything for either of them, but you can read your Son the riot act.

He needs to very clearly be told that he is 16 and she is not, and that having sex with her is not only illegal, it is considered to be statutory rape, and that if he has sex with her he could be charged, prosecuted, and end up with a criminal record.

The reality is that that is quite rare, but while the possibility exists this is what needs to be said to him.

I would be telling him that this relationship is now essentially over. You won’t be giving him permission to go to this girl’s house or to have Her over to yours. He won’t be leaving school at 16 and if he does he can leave home and get a job.

If he’s adult enough to have a baby and live with some girl then he’s adult enough to live on his own and get a job.

Harsh? Yes, but at 16 he’s not an adult, and some 16 year olds need to realise that.

I would hope that the girl’s parents would read her the riot act as wel, not because of your DS but because I would want my 15 year old to be well aware of what she was potentially getting into by getting pregnant. And I certainly wouldn’t have been congratulating her, but that’s for them to work out. You need to concentrate on your DS here.

RampantIvy · 28/04/2021 13:23

Statutory rape is not a term used in English law.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 13:57

We've told my son about the age difference and all that. I've done everything possible to try and educate him and warn him what could possibly happen.

OP posts:
Quincie · 28/04/2021 14:15

You could tell them very regretfully that they won't be able to live at your house as there isn't room. To get them thinking about the future - where are they going to go. Probably haven't thought beyond taking baby for nice walks in the park in their pram (could also look up price of prams etc babies can be very expensive if you want new).

Figgygal · 28/04/2021 17:04

Have you reached out to her parents over the last few days?

RampantIvy · 28/04/2021 20:18

@Quincie

You could tell them very regretfully that they won't be able to live at your house as there isn't room. To get them thinking about the future - where are they going to go. Probably haven't thought beyond taking baby for nice walks in the park in their pram (could also look up price of prams etc babies can be very expensive if you want new).
I think this is a good idea. Also that you won't be providing childcare.
Guavafish · 28/04/2021 22:35

I agree with you. I think time will also help.

WeAllHaveWings · 29/04/2021 13:39

@Meltinthemiddle

They both need to take responsibility I agree. If they don't like condoms then they should look at other options and unfortunately these are all aimed at women. I can only educate my son but it should work both ways.
You don't know if his gf parents had a conversation with their dd and she decided she didn't like the pill.

So as a parent of a son who you cannot simply "put on the pill" what did you educate him on other than say babies and STI are bad, here's a pack of condoms?

Your son and his gf and their combined attitude to sex and contraception are equally responsible for the situation they are in, they equally took the risk. Get it out of your head the other party is more to blame and work out how you support them both instead.

Maggiesfarm · 29/04/2021 13:47

@Meltinthemiddle

We've told my son about the age difference and all that. I've done everything possible to try and educate him and warn him what could possibly happen.
Meltinthemiddle, is the girl definitely pregnant? You weren't sure not long ago.
crosspelican · 29/04/2021 13:59

So at the moment, it seems as though she is NOT pregnant?

It's a pity her parents were so supportive first time around, because while it's hardly helpful to come down on a pregnant child like a ton of bricks, it'd be no harm for her NOT to now believe it's all young love and bliss.

Your son has zero motivation to be careful now. All you can do is keep hammering away at the importance of only bringing a child into an adult, stable, independent home, and that he has a straightforwad way of providing that in the future if he works hard at school and WEARS A CONDOM for a few more years. "If you really love your girlfriend and don't want to see her or your future child living in poverty you will work hard a get a job FIRST" etc. etc. etc.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 29/04/2021 16:48

She's had a positive test followed by 2 negative tests so who knows!

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 29/04/2021 17:02

@Meltinthemiddle

She's had a positive test followed by 2 negative tests so who knows!
Have you attempted to speak to her parents to find out??
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 29/04/2021 17:08

I've suggested they take her doctors to confirm either way and to may discuss options for contraception if she isn't pregnant. Ds can go with her if she wants him too. I will also be having words with ds depending on the outcome. It's a nightmare to be honest following the the negative tests I've been in denial about it all just to get through the week but the fact she had a positive test🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 29/04/2021 17:10

It doesn't sound as though she is pregnant.

Why not wait to be certain before getting upset about it.

Good about the contraceptive advice. Better late than never.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 29/04/2021 17:25

Could you speak to school and see if they could arrange for your son (and maybe his whole class) to be given one of those dolls that behave like a real baby - perhaps a week of that might help him see things with less rose-tinted glasses.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 29/04/2021 17:50

Because I was told she was due to first initial test which was positive. You can't get a false positive so she either was or still is. When I messaged ds the next day to say not to tell his friends at school he causally text back she's not pregnant now as she took another 2 tests a few days later and it was negative! So as you can imagine I'm il and down with it all!! Last night I spoke to he mum and just said she needs to go doctors to confirm either way and look at forms of contraception because obviously they aren't using condoms properly.

OP posts:
RoSEbuds6 · 29/04/2021 18:23

@Meltinthemiddle what did her mum say when you spoke to her? Did you get the idea that she was going to do something?

inappropriateraspberry · 29/04/2021 18:33

Did your son actually see the positive test or just a picture? She may just be playing silly games or thought it would be funny to pretend she was pregnant.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 29/04/2021 18:33

Kind of but they seem to think she isn't because of the negatives tests. So I think they were going to put her on the pill but obviously I said about getting confirmation and maybe looking at other options of contraception such as the implant, coil, injection. I just know I'm wishful thinking that she isn't it pregnant now 😔

OP posts:
Straightomyhead · 29/04/2021 18:38

@Meltinthemiddle

Kind of but they seem to think she isn't because of the negatives tests. So I think they were going to put her on the pill but obviously I said about getting confirmation and maybe looking at other options of contraception such as the implant, coil, injection. I just know I'm wishful thinking that she isn't it pregnant now 😔
Stop saying 'put her on the pill'.

This is her choice to make. I fully support her choosing a means of contraception which is suitable for her, but no one should put her on it.

Ideasplease322 · 29/04/2021 18:42

Agree - the statements about putting her on the pill are really irritating me.

This is a person, not an animal.

Port1aCastis · 29/04/2021 18:47

Medical professionals decide whether a girl can have the pill if she wants it and that would be if she has no health issues that could be exacerbated by it. When all's said and done nobody can force the pill on any female and it is up to her to decide if she wants to take it not her parents or her boyfriends parents. She is a human being not an object

Benelovencd · 29/04/2021 18:55

Stop saying 'put her on the pill'.

This is her choice to make. I fully support her choosing a means of contraception which is suitable for her, but no one should put her on it.

So many people have called OP out for this, but she insists on putting all responsibility on this girl and not educating her son because it is easier and less of an inconvenience to her. Disgusting.

She is a person not an animal. Focus on your son and teaching him the right thing, not blaming this 15 year old and expecting her to bear all the responsibility of both her and your son's actions.
No wonder men are the way they are

UhtredRagnarson · 29/04/2021 18:58

Agree you really need to adjust your attitude towards teenage girls and the pill. It isn’t up to their parents to “put them on” it. Teenage girls aren’t toddlers and this isn’t a vaccinations.