Page 9 | I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

Meltinthemiddle · 2021-04-26T14:41:52+00:00

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 21:03

@secular39

Her life would be way more affected that your DS. Your upset now, but have a little bit of sympathy for her. Totally can relate your embarrassment, disappointed, and loss for your son. The storm will past and you will dote on your grand daughter/son when or if he/she arrives.

I have sympathy for all of them!! But right now my priority is with my son because I don't know how she feels or what she wants. At least she has the choice to make and will always be in that child's life. My son won't have a choice and he may not always be in the child's life through no fault of his own. So yes it will effect her but my son will also feel the effects of this. And I also have sympathy for the baby.

OP posts:

Thisisnotapipe · 26/04/2021 21:15

Oh OP, what a nightmare situation for you. And I say that as someone who got pregnant and had a baby at 17 in horrible circumstances. I would definitely get a therapist if you can afford one, so you are able to cope yourself and so you can properly support your son and his gf, if necessary.

ReginaaPhalange · 26/04/2021 21:21

This COULD be the turning point your son needs. My best friends sister was 14 when she got pregnant by her 15yr old boyfriend. Both immature as hell, didn't accept responsibility, out causing trouble and hanging around with the wrong crowd. Parents suggested termination but she was determined. It totally changed them. The wake up call to them was something as silly as watching one born every minute. The birth of their son totally changed them and we could joke to say they were more sensible than us.

OP, do you have a partner or family you can turn to for support?

Ayla182 · 26/04/2021 21:30

Typical Mumsnet users again finding something to get triggered over. Clearly nothing else today took to their fancy.

You are right, the mum should have put her daughter on birth control. I certainly would have! However whats done is done. If she doesnt want an abortion then as hard as it is, you have to accept the facts and support them. Good luck.

Boboparadise · 26/04/2021 21:52

I absolutely feel for you. This is my worst nightmare OP. You are truly entitled to the way you are feeling just now.

ineedanewnameplease · 26/04/2021 22:00

OP I can feel your shock you are still in shock. I am so sad for you, such a difficult situation.

RoSEbuds6 · 26/04/2021 22:01

An unenviable position OP, I hope it all turns out for the best.

Naunet · 27/04/2021 07:54

Fucking hell, some of the misogyny on this thread is sickening. This girl is an actual human being, a child, and people are speaking about her like she’s some devious bitch who “trapped” him, but also she’s just an object you can force an abortion on and isn’t entitled to be treated as a person. She’s is going to be impacted by this more than anyone, whether she has an abortion or not.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 27/04/2021 08:20

Yep she has no idea.

OP posts:

Notanotherter · 27/04/2021 09:32

@Naunet

Fucking hell, some of the misogyny on this thread is sickening. This girl is an actual human being, a child, and people are speaking about her like she’s some devious bitch who “trapped” him, but also she’s just an object you can force an abortion on and isn’t entitled to be treated as a person. She’s is going to be impacted by this more than anyone, whether she has an abortion or not.

THANK YOU.

Ditto for people thinking they have a right to be updated on rvery move. She has to come to terms with whats happening and decide what she wants to do at her own pace.

Everyone else just needs to be quiet and supportive and wait until she decides what she wants to do and if she wants them to know.

Viviennemary · 27/04/2021 09:40

Good point about teenagers and contraception. I can't believe how many people on here are careless about contraception or don't even use it then are shocked when they get pregnant. And to expect teenagers to behave responsibly when many adults who should know better don't.

Branleuse · 27/04/2021 09:51

Im sorry youre going through this OP. There was a similar issue with my nephew.

I think one of the hardest things must be how little control or say you now have about such a life changing issue. My nephew has asd and adhd amd completely romanticised it in a very childlike way, but doesnt even see his child at all now (various reasons, long story obviously)

I hope you can maybe liase with the girls parents so you can discuss what support you can realistically offer, and then take a step back as your opinion on whether they keep it probably wont matter

Branleuse · 27/04/2021 09:53

Pressed post accidentally....
Your opinion probably won't matter much to them, but how you play it now will probably make a difference to whether you are allowed contact or info if/when your son and his gf do split up.

UhtredRagnarson · 27/04/2021 10:05

So sorry you, and they, are in this situation OP. None of you need it. They really don’t know how this will affect their and their baby’s lives. It really is not good for anyone involved here.

In your shoes I would be leaning heavily on your social worker and asking for a lot more help than you’re currently getting. Ask if they can do anything to expedite his EHCP and any assessments you think he needs. Ask if there are any young parent courses in the area.

His best chance of being a good father is to stay in school and making himself employable. Whatever you can do to make that happen needs to happen.

Support him and his girlfriend. Paint on a smile, keep those lines of communication open so they have support from you when they need it. This baby will, sadly, probably need a lot from you.

LeilaLiesLow · 27/04/2021 11:31

@Naunet

Fucking hell, some of the misogyny on this thread is sickening. This girl is an actual human being, a child, and people are speaking about her like she’s some devious bitch who “trapped” him, but also she’s just an object you can force an abortion on and isn’t entitled to be treated as a person. She’s is going to be impacted by this more than anyone, whether she has an abortion or not.

Sadly, there are girls who do get pregnant to hold onto a boy/ man. Even adult women do it. No one has called her a 'devious bitch'. Those are your words. I'd call her naive and in need of more loving parenting with boundaries, which she appears not to have from the OP's posts.

You may not have come across it in RL as I have, but I can assure you that there are women, young, old, single, married, who become pregnant not always accidentally but with the intent of cementing a relationship. And it often doesn't work out in their favour.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 27/04/2021 12:22

I'm so sorry OP. Your shock is totally understandable. I have 3 sons and there is only so much you can do to make them behave responsibly. He will now have to take responsibility.

For what it's worth, I would be quietly praying for the girl to abort. Parenting is not a life choice for the young (and I say that as someone who became a parent v.young).
It's awful. Your shock is justified.

choli · 27/04/2021 17:51

You may not have come across it in RL as I have, but I can assure you that there are women, young, old, single, married, who become pregnant not always accidentally but with the intent of cementing a relationship. And it often doesn't work out in their favour.
I'd go as far as to say it rarely works out their favor.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 09:15

OK I'm back. Head is completely scrambled. If one test shows positive and then 3 others show negative a day later what the hell does that mean??? I literally have no idea what going on. Ds just casually text she's not pregnant now. Surely she needs to go doctors to confirm this?

OP posts:

Paddington102 · 28/04/2021 09:38

Oh OP this must be very stressful for you. You just want to know what you're dealing with don't you! Have you contacted her parents?

Seeline · 28/04/2021 09:41

WHy did she go to the doctors with your DS last time?

I think you really need to contact her parents for a sensible get together and talk things through.

reecespiece · 28/04/2021 09:47

You need a serious chat with your DS and her parents. If she's not pregnant it's possible they will now try for a baby given they were happy about the positive test.

Original poster

Meltinthemiddle · 28/04/2021 10:38

Ds said stomachs pains hence why I initially thought termination when school informed me about the positive test. They just said its negative now but you can't have a false positive can you? That's why I would be going to the doctors.I don't feel other parents share the level of concern we do and seem to be brushing things off 😭.

OP posts:

Babyiskickingmyribs · 28/04/2021 11:07

Chemical pregnancy ? Early miscarriage ?

Maggiesfarm · 28/04/2021 11:14

@Meltinthemiddle

OK I'm back. Head is completely scrambled. If one test shows positive and then 3 others show negative a day later what the hell does that mean??? I literally have no idea what going on. Ds just casually text she's not pregnant now. Surely she needs to go doctors to confirm this?

It sounds as though she is not pregnant, Melt. Phew! Please impress upon the pair of them the importance of contraception from now on.

Drinkingallthewine · 28/04/2021 11:49

It really depends on the test if she's only just missed her period.

Some tests will pick up a positive earlier than others so if for example she tested with a Clearblue or First Response it could come up positive but a poundshop test might read negative as they aren't as sensitive...