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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

The majority of dds friends are either gay, bi, pan or trans

174 replies

Mrschickpeabody · 25/08/2020 15:49

She insists she’s ‘straight’. We’ve assured her we’d have no problem at all if she wasn’t as long as she’s happy. Every day someone in her friendship circle comes out as pan or decides they’re bi and not gay. One friend has just realised she is trans and has a new name and is referred to as a he now. They are about to go into year 9 so she 13-14. Is this remotely ‘normal’.

OP posts:
WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 25/08/2020 16:02

Well in today's world and with your dds that means they've got the whole caboodle. I don't think anyone can have an issue with that.

Momniscient · 25/08/2020 16:02

Which part are you asking about? I think it's normal for a straight person to be friends with non-straight people regardless of how they define it. I also think it's normal that teens will bounce around a couple of definitions until they find what works for them - the same feelings to one person makes them bisexual, another would say they're pansexual.

Original poster
Mrschickpeabody · 25/08/2020 16:14

I’m extremely happy that is so acceptable to be any sexuality. I’m proud that my dc are completely non judgmental but I’m surprised that literally all dds friendship group label themselves with some sexuality except for ‘straight’.

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 25/08/2020 16:17

Nah they are teenagers being teenagers. I’m not saying they are all straight but I’d bet you anything some will have changed their minds in ten years time.

tootiredtothinkofanewname · 25/08/2020 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnuggyBuggy · 25/08/2020 16:29

I remember as a teen there was a time it was cool to be bi and its easy enough to pretend you are even if you aren't.

christinarossetti19 · 25/08/2020 16:33

Exploring your identity and sexuality at 13/14 years old - absolutely normal forever.

Suddenly 'realising' that you're trans or needing to describe yourself as pan sexual before you've even come anywhere close to having sex seems to be a fairly modern phenomena.

Roswellconspiracy · 25/08/2020 16:35

Its normal for teens to group like that.

However what could be a problem is what the actual school is doing.

Are they a stonewall champion school by any chance ?

Schools have been told to immediately affirm trans students so be prepared to fight for your kids right to single sex changing rooms and toilets and sports should the school be amongst those following "training" from less than reputable sources.

Ask your teen if you can about what they are all watching online, and who they have been talking to.

formerbabe · 25/08/2020 16:40

When I was in sixth form, there was a friendship group and one by one they all came out as lesbian. Vast majority are now married to men.

SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito · 25/08/2020 16:45

It's a fad. The worst thing in the world for a teen to be right now is straight and white. If they can't identify out of whiteness they'll identify into anything else.

Twenty quid that in twenty years there's maybe one of them who is actually gay.

Gingaaarghpussy · 25/08/2020 16:48

My child is 15, gay and non binary. 2 of their cousins are trans. NB maybe a "phase" it may not. Its their feelings and I will support them all the way. The same as I would a hetero child.

SnuggyBuggy · 25/08/2020 16:51

Also it's not like you have to actually do anything to come out as non-binary or bi

sleepyhead · 25/08/2020 16:52

I think if there was absolutely no prejudice in the world it would be perfectly normal for the majority of children to be bi/pan while going through puberty. Intense same sex friendships are common and if society wasn't telling you which way it would prefer you jumped then probably most would experiment with a friend at some point.

Gay people fairly commonly have a try at opposite sex romantic relationships, why not the other way round?

Maybe, if left to their own devices more people would identify as bi throughout their lives? As long as no-one is being pressured to do anything they're not comfortable with then it all seems ok to me.

Pringlemonster · 25/08/2020 16:55

My friend is a teacher in a secondary school ,it’s all normal ,these days .she says it’s a good way for them to get attention,and be popular.
It passes by A level

52andblue · 25/08/2020 16:56

@christinarossetti19

Exploring your identity and sexuality at 13/14 years old - absolutely normal forever.

Suddenly 'realising' that you're trans or needing to describe yourself as pan sexual before you've even come anywhere close to having sex seems to be a fairly modern phenomena.

I agree. My ds is Y10. Almost all of them are ABS (anything but straight). My dd is Y8 and it's almost the same in her class (she thinks it's 'well weird' but she is Autistic with pigtails still and a guinea pig so is a way off these kind of thoughts yet, thank goodness)

I think its great that it is easier these days to be gay/bi/anything else.
But it does seem to be a trend to label yourself young these days?
I have told Ds it doesn't matter (to me) what he 'is' (ie identifies as) as long as he is kind, observes the boundaries of others (and himself) and, preferably, waits. Because Sex is so powerful and those feelings are difficult for young people to handle. I have noticed more emphasis in School on supporting YP's sexual identity than with handling emotional readiness / giving general support to all as well.

Thisismytimetoshine · 25/08/2020 16:57

My child is 15, gay and non binary.
Can you explain how it's possible to be gay whilst insisting you're non binary?

Thisismytimetoshine · 25/08/2020 16:58

My ds is Y10. Almost all of them are ABS (anything but straight).
What are the chances?!

Original poster
Mrschickpeabody · 25/08/2020 17:05

I’d started to get the feeling this was a ‘thing’. It’s great that they can be so open and accepting now but it’s a shame sexuality is something they seem so focused on at such a young age. I think dd enjoys all the drama of it all.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 25/08/2020 17:09

The world’s gone barmy.

When I was 14 I wanted to be an Olympic skater.

pineapplepalmtree · 25/08/2020 17:17

I dont think its anymore of a "thing" than when I was growing up and everyone was insistent they had "boyfriends and girlfriends" in a straight sense from about Yr 5 onwards. All the gay kids pretended or tried to be straight at the time to join in.. u figure out what u really are in time.

Kittykat93 · 25/08/2020 17:24

When I was a teenager all the girls were 'bisexual', many of them made a huge deal about fancying other girls etc. 15 years later and not one of them has ever been in a relationship with a woman that I know personally.

It's an attention thing, they are trying to be cool, interesting etc. Not saying at all that some of them won't grow up to not be straight, but a lot of them will.

DillonPanthersTexas · 25/08/2020 17:27

Nah they are teenagers being teenagers. I’m not saying they are all straight but I’d bet you anything some will have changed their minds in ten years time.

This is like half my year group becoming vegan or vegetarian overnight for a few weeks before the fad wore off and they were all back down Mcdonalds.

dododotheconga · 25/08/2020 17:28

It really is cool to be bi. My daughter is at an all girls school and the percentage of bi girls is really really high. I agree with a pp that in all likelihood this will change!

SapphosRock · 25/08/2020 17:30

Same with my group of friends and we're all 30s / 40s. There are a couple of straight people but the majority are gay, bi or queer.

It just means she has good taste in friends.

MrsJackRackham · 25/08/2020 17:32

It's the new goth/ punk/ emo. Teenagers need to feel they're rebelling.