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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

I cant do it anymore. DS14 is destroying me

233 replies

Dumbledorker · 20/06/2020 01:59

I cant even find the words to write how bad it is. Im scared this is relentless and there is no way out of this ongoing hell with him. How do you deal with feeling like you have a sociopathic child who will never change only get worse. Im so scared I will lose him either through him eventually taking his own life because he feels so hated and alone or that in the future I will have to cut ties with him because of how he is. I hate writing this about my own son. He is the sweetest kid at times but when everyone is gone and its just me and him then its different. Its when he cant have his own way he doesnt react like a normal moody teenager its just nasty, physiological abuse.. he will stand for sometimes hours giving me a speech that seems like its out of a play like an actor would talk like... he will sit in my bedroom while I try to sleep until I give in and give him his WiFi privileges or PlayStation. I used to have to just give in so I felt safe but because ive reached out for help in the last few months I've started to regain control and be consistent so things can go on all night and I won't give in to his demands. Tonight its bedtime at 11 as its the weekend. This has led to him refusing and sitting laughing at me in the living room so I gave him a warning and said he has to go to bed or his priviliges (WiFi and ps4) will be taken tomorrow.. he says I have no control and im a shit mum. So I go upstairs and take the console and from there hes tried take it back and then took the hdmi cable out of the back of the TV so I cant watch it when hes in bed. Ive tried to get the cable back and hes dramatically fallen and said ive physically abused him so ive taken the ps4 to the neighbours who is my friend and helps me. I came back and he has locked me out with my little girls still in the house, he picked up a knife gesturing that he's going to kill himself ive rung 999. They have come out and told him he needs to follow my rules under my roof and listen to me. Theyve asked me to keep an eye on him through the night..they referred back to SS again although we are already under the local family hub for support and camhs who have said its behavioural not mental health. He told the officers hes out the knife back and was upset. This is the 3rd time they've come out in 2 weeks. Hes since been downstairs a million times telling me I am no mum to him anymore and he's done with me. He scares his sisters when he's like this i can't have them watching all this anymore. Ive tried so much to help him but im exhausted and broken. I cant possibly write everything that is happening i just need to know if anyone else is like this or if it gets better. Its hell .

OP posts:
SilverLiningSearching · 07/07/2020 17:38

Yes agree you need some supporting statements, the police and school reports, the kind neighbour you mentioned, hit them with evidence.

Janey1040 · 08/07/2020 05:56

This is mental illness I feel and it is so difficult . Go and see a psychiatrist and have him assessed is my advice. Don’t put your family in danger from his aggression .

MadameTuffington · 17/07/2020 19:28

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skybluee · 18/07/2020 22:24

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Vodkacranberryplease · 18/07/2020 23:28

He sounds vile and manipulative, and the SW is punishing you for making her life harder. What kind of moron believes a 14 year old abusive boy?

So I'm sorry but I'm confused. Your daughters are with their father and horrible wife - but that's a different man than his father and his lovely wife who are shielding? And he is the boys natural father?

I think you been to get backup ftom his father to SS - he needs to tell them about the dog, and the pissing and how his wife is scared of your son. He needs to do that RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Unfortunately social workers can be power crazed and dangerous. This one clearly wants to blame you and make you suffer by forcing you to give up your girls instead of them looking after your son. Because if you give up your girls it costs them nothing - but if they take your son on it's uncomfortable for them. Sadly you being unwell is playing into their hands. So you need this record set straight immediately and to get others involved so anything she does will be visible.

I honestly think you need to get him into care - he will destroy your family and you if not. Good luck Flowers

Vodkacranberryplease · 18/07/2020 23:51

It also strikes me you are constantly telling him how grateful you are for each crumb of hand decent behaviour. You need to stop that.

Sure, notice when he does something very good - but he's a cynical little fucker who is all about power and so you need to remove any power he has - and that means not acting like you are grateful for everything that isn't him being a nasty little shit.

He's the reason your little girls aren't with you. And he pre meditated it. That us not a good sign!

Jeremyironsnothing · 19/07/2020 00:55

Yes he's learnt that being nice occasionally has an effect. That's part of his control.

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