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Teenagers

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Original poster

DH wants to allow DS access to porn

211 replies

Wingingit76 · 15/04/2020 11:15

We have 3 teens in the house and currently have parental controls on the Wi-fi set to “light” (can go on social media but cannot access porn, violence, gambling etc). Their iPhones are also set to “limit adult websites” and they have a few other restrictions on them.

My DH now wants to allow them to be able to access porn, he said he can allow a certain website on the parental controls so they can access it. I’m not totally happy about this as I think they are too young to just have unrestricted access to a porn site. We have spoken to all of them about porn and they understand it isn’t a realistic view of a sexual relationship, how they need to understand consent, body images etc, etc.

I am fully aware they have seen stuff on their phones in their group chats and stuff but by allowing a website just makes me feel complicit in all of this.

Phew, got it off my chest now 😫😫

OP posts:
DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 15/04/2020 12:22

This is really, really bad.

Introducing a 15 year old to hardcore porn is a) a form of child abuse and b) setting the boy up for a lifetime of dysfunctional relationships.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/22/porn-generation-problems-hardcore-pornography-teenage-boys

Does your DH want his son to have erectile dysfunction by the age of 20?

www.familyzone.com/anz/families/blog/impacts-of-pornography

Charlotteli · 15/04/2020 12:23

Christ MN really hates porn.
Everyone watches it. At least everyone between 16 and 27

NiteFlights · 15/04/2020 12:24

Oh get a grip Charlotte

StVincent · 15/04/2020 12:24

People are being too harsh to the OP, who obviously doesn't think this is ok hence posting here. She's presumably stuck at home with her husband and sons who probably all think porn is great - it can be hard to be the only one who disagrees.

Anyway OP obviously this is a terrible idea of your H's. I'd just say no and refuse any further debate about it TBH. If he argues, tell him it's illegal.

With your son who is messaging random girls, he needs to be told that could be illegal as well. The answer is to make actual friendships with girls and work towards having a healthy relationship. Maybe have a chat with him about how people actually find girl/boyfriends?

Porn as others have said will only give him grosser ideas about what to ask them. That's the last thing the poor girls need and could land him with a criminal record. www.theguardian.com/society/2019/dec/30/thousands-of-children-under-14-have-been-investigated-by-police-for-sexting

Saying give a boy porn to cure sexual harrassment is like saying give them a nice sharp knife so they don't have to stab people with a dirty broken bottle.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2020 12:27

The 14 yr old is messaging random girls on messenger

Later you say the 14 year old is just playing xbox and the older one is messaging girls.

The older one isn’t actually asking for pics or sending them but apparently it's better to watch porn than send/receive pictures??

You need to get this straight in your head.

Ilovemystarter · 15/04/2020 12:27

Please please don’t do this. If your husband wants to watch it himself, he should just be honest. If he genuinely is doing this so the boys can watch it, this is creepy and irresponsible behaviour.
I’ve got teenage boys. Their father isn’t a prude by any means. He would never ever suggest this.

BeetrootRocks · 15/04/2020 12:27

What?

Read the boys the fucking riot act for sexually harassing girls, whether the girls are 'random' or from school.

Say you have to be able to check their phones any time and if you find any more they will be taken for X period.

Don't give them porn FFS. Suspect it's your DH week wants the controls loosened for himself.

If this is real I'm gobsmacked.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2020 12:28

But no, of course you shouldn't allow your teens access to porn. Your DH is an idiot.

DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 15/04/2020 12:29

Everyone watches it. At least everyone between 16 and 27

Not everyone enjoys watching filmed rape, but keep telling yourself they do to make yourself feel better.

Porn use just makes me think ‘sad, lonely loser with impaired empathy’

SciFiScream · 15/04/2020 12:29

It's illegal to give children access to porn. It's like grooming. What the fuck is wrong with your DH? Sounds like he wants access for himself.

Bad, bad, bad idea. Awful.

Report your DH to the NSPCC.

Imstillskanking · 15/04/2020 12:29

I am not part of the anti porn brigade. I sometimes watch it myself. I would also say I'm more on the "relaxed" side of parenting. I have smoked weed in front of my kids a couple of times (it's legal where I live).

Even I think that this suggestion is really weird. Why on earth would you give your kids access to porn? There is no benefit to this. I would understand this if they were adult children, but they aren't.

Ridiculous idea. Your DH is chancing his arm. There's no way that he's suggesting this because he actually thinks it is helpful for the kids. Something else is going on here.

Charlotteli · 15/04/2020 12:31

Not everyone enjoys watching filmed rape, but keep telling yourself they do to make yourself feel better.
It’s not rape. Every young person enjoys it. It’s the way things are now.

Porn use just makes me think ‘sad, lonely loser with impaired empathy’
Lol

isabellerossignol · 15/04/2020 12:32

Christ MN really hates porn.

You say that like it's a bad thing Confused

SciFiScream · 15/04/2020 12:32

And if you don't want to report him DM me the details and I'll report him.

shittingmysel · 15/04/2020 12:32

Any teen worth there salt has used a proxy to get around the parental controls and probably accessed whatever they want tbh.

RosesandIris · 15/04/2020 12:32

I just can’t believe this is for real. A father who wants his son To watch porn in preference to chatting to them online? Of course it’s not okay, on any level.
The 14 year old is a CHILD.

Charlotteli · 15/04/2020 12:32

@shittingmysel true

RosesandIris · 15/04/2020 12:33

Do you want your son to learn about sex from porn?

AbsolomChautney · 15/04/2020 12:33

You can’t enable a child to view porn. Jesus fucking christ.

Beansandcoffee · 15/04/2020 12:34

I have a 15 year old and an 18 year old. My WiFi is set at 15. If they want to access porn they can use their own data on their phones and not my WiFi. No way would I encourage it. Sounds like H wants it. Stand your ground. It is your house.

Esspee · 15/04/2020 12:36

Please tell us you are not considering allowing this. I would happily report your husband to social services.

bluebeck · 15/04/2020 12:37

Absolutely fucking not. Aside from anything else it would be illegal to do so.

I have a 19 year old DS in the house and wouldn't allow it. If he wants to watch that shit he can fuck off and do it somewhere else.

Your DH sounds like a prince among men Sad

Herpesfreesince03 · 15/04/2020 12:37

Nice attempt at back tracking there op, but you’re not fooling anyone. You clearly said your 14yo is messaging girls, then tried to pretend you said it was your older stepson

koshkatt · 15/04/2020 12:38

Not everyone enjoys watching filmed rape, but keep telling yourself they do to make yourself feel better
Porn use just makes me think ‘sad, lonely loser with impaired empathy’

Exactly this.

Plus OP if school get wind of your husband showing/promoting porn to his kids he will be reported. We are obligated to do that. It is called safeguarding a child. Try it.

bluebeck · 15/04/2020 12:39

Oh, and I would be asking some searching questions about exactly why my DH would want his children to be normalising porn/sexual exploitation.....

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